Welcome to the crash course in Relationship 101 – where the curriculum involves decoding the intricate science of love, heart emojis, and the occasional heated debate over who left the cap off the toothpaste.

Today, we’re spilling the tea on the nine things you should absolutely, positively, with a cherry on top, never utter to your partner.

And no, this isn’t some relationship boot camp; it’s a psychological playbook for dodging those verbal landmines that can turn a cozy evening into a sitcom-worthy showdown.

So, grab your popcorn, settle into the love seat, and let’s jump right in!

1) “You’re overreacting”

One phrase that psychologists repeatedly warn against is telling your partner they’re overreacting.

In relationships, emotions run high. It’s not uncommon for one partner to feel more intensely about a situation than the other. However, labeling their feelings as an overreaction can be dismissive and hurtful.

When we tell our partner they’re overreacting, we’re essentially invalidating their feelings. This can not only lead to resentment but also prevent open and honest communication in the future.

It’s important to remember that everyone has the right to their emotions. Instead of accusing them of overreacting, try understanding why they feel the way they do and react properly. 

2) “You always…” or “You never…”

A phrase I’ve learned to avoid in my own relationship is using absolutes like “you always” or “you never”.

I remember a time when I told my partner, “You never do the dishes.” This didn’t go down well. It turned out that my partner felt unappreciated and believed that I was overlooking the times when they did contribute.

Psychology say that these character-assassinating phrases can make your partner feel defensive and unappreciated. They can also lead to a negative cycle of communication where your partner either feels they can never do anything right or that their efforts go unnoticed.

Instead, try focusing on specific instances or expressing how their actions make you feel. For example, I learned to say, “I feel overwhelmed with the chores and would appreciate some help with the dishes.” This approach fosters open communication and understanding, rather than blame and resentment.

3) “If you loved me, you would…”

Telling your partner “If you loved me, you would…” is a phrase that’s best avoided. According to psychologists, trying to get our way by inflicting guilt on someone is a form of emotional blackmail.

The statement implies that love is conditional and dependent on specific actions or behaviors. It can make your partner feel pressured to conform to your wishes just to prove their love, which can lead to resentment and guilt.

Love is a two-way street, my friend, not a toll booth with a list of emotional tariffs.

Keep it light, keep it real, and ponder over this question: If you loved someone, would you blackmail them?

4) “Why can’t you be more like…?”

Dropping the “Why can’t you be more like…?” bomb in a relationship is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline – it’s a spectacularly bad idea.

Each person is unique, with their own strengths and weaknesses. When we compare our partners to others, we are not appreciating them for who they truly are. This can erode their self-esteem and create tension in the relationship.

Instead, let’s celebrate our partner’s individuality and uniqueness. If there’s a behavior or trait that you wish your partner would adopt, communicate this in a positive and constructive manner without bringing others into the equation.

5) “You’re just like your mother/father”

This is a real low-blow. I mean, you can’t go any lower than this. How small-minded can you be to bring up your partner’s family members when you’re having a fight with them?

It’s a comment that can trigger a variety of emotions and potentially lead to conflict.

Comparisons to parents can be sensitive, as they may carry underlying judgments or expectations. Instead of making such comparisons, it’s often more constructive to address specific behaviors or concerns directly, using “I” statements to express your feelings and thoughts.

If you really want your relationship to work, focus on the issue at hand rather than drawing parallels to family members. 

6) “Maybe we should just break up”

This phrase is a weapon that can leave deep emotional scars long after it’s been said. Threatening to end the relationship during a heated argument is both hurtful and manipulative.

When we say “Maybe we should just break up,” we’re playing with our partner’s deepest fears and insecurities. It creates a sense of instability and insecurity in the relationship, making it difficult for trust to flourish.

Relationships have ups and downs, and disagreements are natural. But it’s crucial to find ways to navigate these challenges without resorting to threats.  

7) “I don’t care”

One phrase that I’ve stumbled upon in my relationship, and later regretted, is “I don’t care”.

It was during a disagreement about where to go on vacation. In a moment of frustration, I found myself saying, “I don’t care, you decide!” Looking back, it wasn’t about the vacation spot. It was about feeling unheard.

Saying “I don’t care” can send a message of disinterest or dismissiveness. It can make your partner feel as though their thoughts or feelings aren’t important to you.

Instead of dismissing a topic or decision, it’s better to communicate openly about your feelings. It’s okay to need time to think or to not have strong preferences, but expressing it in a way that respects your partner’s feelings is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.

8) “You’re acting just like my ex”

This phrase can be a killing blow to a relationship. You really shouldn’t say this unless you truly want to break up with your current partner.

Each person is unique, and comparing your partner to an ex oversimplifies their individuality. It disregards the fact that people change, grow, and respond to different situations.

Another thing is that mentioning an ex introduces unnecessary baggage into your current relationship. It can trigger insecurities, creating doubt and eroding trust. Your partner may feel you are still emotionally connected to your ex, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or being a stand-in for someone else.

9) “Whatever”

Perhaps one of the most hurtful phrases you can say to your partner is “Whatever.”

She says she’s mad at you. You say “Whatever.” She says she wants to take a break in the relationship. You say “Suit yourself.” Dude, what else is there to talk about? 

“Whatever” is often used as a weapon of disengagement. It sends a message that you’re not interested in what your partner has to say or that you don’t value their opinion. It can shut down communication lines and breed resentment.

Instead of resorting to dismissive comments like “Whatever,” opt for open, honest, and respectful communication.  

At the heart of it all: Respect

At the core of every lasting relationship is respect. How we communicate with our partners, particularly during conflicts, is a testament to the depth of our respect for them.

Remember, every person has their unique emotional landscape. What might seem trivial to you could carry significant weight for your partner. The key lies in understanding, empathy, and above all, respect.

In the end, it’s not about winning arguments or proving points. It’s about building a connection that nurtures both individuals – a connection that thrives on respect and love.