It’s a sad fact that the world is full of manipulative people.

People who see others not as individuals in their own right, but as tools for them to use to get what they want.

Truthfully, we all have a manipulative streak inside us. But most of us know better than to let it out.

The trouble is, manipulative people may be highly intelligent, and that makes it easier for them to hide their tracks.

Life is much better when you can avoid people who are trying to use you for their own ends.

But sometimes, that’s easier said than done.

Keep an eye out for phrases like these, which will help you recognize right away if someone is trying to get the upper hand on you.

1) “You’re so smart/pretty/handsome”

What’s wrong with a compliment?

Nothing, if it’s genuinely meant as one.

Unfortunately, flattery and compliments are something manipulators often use to get someone in their power, especially early on in a relationship.

This is called love bombing, and it is a classic manipulation technique.

“The love bomber may seem like the perfect match, but in reality, they are creating a false environment to look like they are the right person for you,” according to Tinder’s relationship expert Devyn Simone.

And once they have you addicted to their words of praise and believing that they care more about you than they really do, the manipulator will move on to other, more damaging manipulation tactics.

2) “You’re overreacting”

Sooner or later, every relationship hits a rough patch or two.

But how you handle those rough patches determines not only the kind of relationship you will have, but the kind of person you are.

Often, a manipulative person will minimize your feelings and pretend that they are valid to cover up for their own bad behavior.

They will claim that you are overreacting, and that your emotions are not appropriate for what happened.

Sometimes, they even go as far as gaslighting.

“Gaslighting is a tactic that causes a person to question their reality.

This may involve a manipulator lying, denying things they’ve said, twisting facts, and using a person’s words against them,” writes psychologist Geralyn Dexter. “Over time, this creates uncertainty and doubt, and can cause a person to second-guess their experiences.”

This can be a highly damaging form of manipulation that often leaves people with psychological scars long after the relationship with the manipulator has come to an end.

So be very wary of anyone who tries to make you question your own reality.

3) “It was just a joke”

You’ll often hear phrases like this one after a manipulator has said something hurtful or has gone too far.

They may also say things like, “I didn’t mean it that way,” or, “I didn’t know you would get this upset.”

Phrases like this may sound innocent. What the manipulator is doing is  shifting the blame from something they did that upset you to your reaction to it.

Author and narcissism expert Peg Streep points out that this is something a manipulator will often do in public. “If there’s an audience and you look visibly distressed, he or she will wriggle out by calling you “too sensitive” or lacking “a funny bone.”

The “I was only kidding” defense probably won’t fool the onlooker, but it may plant a seed of doubt in your head, especially if you were told that as a child, which is the whole point,” she writes.

 4) “Everyone agrees with me”

When someone is trying to manipulate you, they need to get you to doubt your own judgment and decisions.

That’s why so much manipulative behavior is based around eroding your self-confidence and ability to stand up for yourself.

Another way they do this is by what experts call triangulation.

“If a partner or friend uses another person to create a hostile environment, create drama, or pressure you into doing things you wouldn’t otherwise do, this is triangulation,” writes psychologist Arlin Cuncic. “Individuals also use triangulation to bring another person into a relationship or friendship without confronting the person they have an issue with directly.”

So, for example, a person may tell your friends a distorted version of events to get them to agree that you are being unreasonable.

5) “You’ll never find anyone like me”

This is one of the nastier things a manipulative person may say, and again, the goal is to erode your self-confidence and your ability to stand up for yourself.

Ultimately, this is just one of many threats a manipulator may use.

By saying that without them, you’ll be alone and lonely, they are trying to get you to give in and go along with what they want.

“Someone who coerces you—using threats or force to get you to do something—is being emotionally manipulative,” writes relationship expert Sheri Stritoff. “For instance, your partner might threaten to leave you because you won’t go along with exactly what they want you to do.”

They may say things about how you’ll never find a better partner than them.

Or they may be more explicit, threatening to harm themselves, you, or people you care about if you leave them.

This is a very dangerous sign of a highly manipulative person.

6) “After all I’ve done for you”

Guilt is another powerful weapon manipulators use to get people to do what they want.

“Guilt-tripping is, in effect, a form of emotional blackmail,” writes psychologist Lynn Margolies.

The idea is to make you feel somehow indebted to the person whose guilt tripping you so that you will do what they say next time.

As Margolies points out, people are often unaware when they are using guilt to control those around them.

But highly intelligent manipulators know exactly what they are doing.

They will use guilt to make you feel bad, because that makes you easier for them to manipulate.

7) “It’s so hard for me”

A manipulator will never miss an opportunity to remind you of all they’ve been through.

And there’s a very dark reason for that.

“By acting like the vulnerable and wounded party, the person has an opportunity to inflict guilt,” writes psychotherapist Erin Leonard. “He or she may use hardship as a reason to exploit a person’s kindness.”

Manipulators want you to feel sorry for them because it makes you more likely to do what they want.

And they are not above exaggerating or even outright lying to get you to feel that way.

8) “You’re so selfish”

Once you start standing up for yourself against someone trying to manipulate you, they will often try to make you feel bad for establishing boundaries.

A common way to do that is to accuse you of being selfish for not doing what the manipulator wants.

“Psychological manipulators rarely, if ever, take responsibility for their actions to their victims—to do so would damage their credibility and cause doubt in the abusive relationship,” writes mental health professional Jamie Cannon.

Accusing those around them of being self-centered is one of many ways a manipulative person avoids taking responsibility.

9) “If you really loved me, you would do…”

Manipulative people are not above using ultimatums and even threats to get what they want.

That’s why they’ll use phrases like this to try to directly control your actions and threaten you into giving them whatever they decide.

The goal of a phrase like this is to make you cave in and do what the other person says to prove your love.

But there’s also a threat behind it.

If you don’t do what the manipulator thinks you should, they are threatening to end the relationship.

Avoiding manipulators

There is no shortage of manipulative people in this world.

And when those manipulators are highly intelligent, they can be very good at getting other people to behave the way they want.

A good manipulator knows exactly how to cover their tracks and make it seem as if they are not manipulating the people around them, when actually they are.

However, if you know what signs to look for, the things they say will often give them away.

Listen out for phrases like these in your interactions with others, whether it’s a romantic partner, someone you work with, or a member of your family.

Because if you hear these phrases popping up over and over again, you would be wise to consider the possibility that you’re dealing with a very manipulative person.