We all want to be understood in our relationships, right?

But sometimes, it just doesn’t seem that way.

You think you’re saying the right things, being supportive and caring, and yet something just feels off.

You’ve got it…miscommunication and misunderstood intentions.

Often, it’s those seemingly harmless phrases we utter that can slowly chip away at a relationship.

They might seem innocent enough, but they can carry a weight you didn’t even realize.

If this sounds familiar, don’t worry, you’re not alone.

Lots of us use these phrases without understanding the potential harm they could be causing.

That being said, it might not be as bad as you think. You might just need a little guidance on what to say instead. The signs aren’t always obvious.

Today, we’ll uncover 9 seemingly harmless phrases that can slowly damage a relationship.

This may sound intimidating but remember, I’m not here to scare you or make you second-guess every word you say in your relationship.

I’m just shedding light on some common phrases that might need a little tweaking.

Think you know them all already?

…let’s find out.

1) “You always…” or “You never…”

I remember when I first started dating my partner, we would get into these little arguments.

You know the kind, where you’re not really angry, just frustrated?

One day, I found myself saying, “You never do the dishes.”

Now, I’m sure you can guess their reaction wasn’t great. And honestly? I didn’t understand why at first.

But then I realized, by using words like “always” and “never”, I was generalizing their actions, which made them feel criticized and attacked. It was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me.

Instead of jumping to absolutes, it’s better to express how you feel without blaming them.

For example, “I feel overwhelmed with the dishes piling up. Can we share this chore?”

2) “It’s fine”

I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of this one at some point. I know I have.

I remember when my partner forgot our anniversary. They felt terrible and kept apologizing. My response? “It’s fine.”

Except it wasn’t fine. I was hurt and upset. But rather than expressing those feelings, I shut them down with a dismissive phrase.

The thing is though, saying “it’s fine” when it’s not doesn’t resolve anything. It just buries the issue which can lead to resentment.

Instead of dismissing your feelings, try expressing them honestly and calmly.

For instance, “I was really looking forward to celebrating our anniversary and I’m feeling disappointed that it was forgotten.”

3) “I don’t care, you decide”

Decisions, decisions. They can be exhausting, right? Believe it or not, there’s actually a term for it: decision fatigue. 

Often when we’re tired or just trying to avoid conflict, we might default to saying “I don’t care, you decide.”

While it might seem like you’re being accommodating, this can actually put unnecessary pressure on the other person and make them feel like they are carrying the weight of the relationship’s decisions.

A better approach might be to give two options you are comfortable with and let them pick one.

This way, you’re contributing to the decision-making process without shouldering all of it. 

For instance, you could say, “Would you prefer to go out for dinner or order in tonight?”

4) “If you loved me, you would…”

Love can make us do wonderful things. It can also make us say things we might not fully realize the impact of.

The phrase “If you loved me, you would…” can be one of those things.

It might not seem harmful in the moment, but these words can create a damaging precedent by equating love with compliance or specific actions.

Love is about understanding, acceptance, and respect – it’s not a bargaining chip to be used to get our way.

Instead of using love as leverage, try voicing your needs or desires directly and honestly.

A phrase like, “It’s really important to me that we spend quality time together.

Can we plan a date night this week?” communicates your need without questioning their feelings for you.

5) “Why can’t you be more like…?”

I’ll never forget the day I compared my partner to my best friend’s husband.

It was an innocent comment, just a casual observation really. But the hurt in their eyes was something I hadn’t anticipated.

“Why can’t you be more like John? He always helps out with the kids,” I said, without thinking much of it.

But that simple comparison had a deeper impact. It made my partner feel inadequate and as though they were being measured against someone else’s standards.

It was an eye-opening moment for me. I realized that comparing my partner to others was not only unfair but also damaging to our relationship.

Instead of comparing, it’s more constructive to express what you need from them.

For example, “I really could use more help with the kids in the evenings. Can we work out a schedule?”

This way, you’re addressing the issue directly and not making them feel less than someone else.

6) “Whatever”

Remember those teenage years when “whatever” was our go-to response to just about everything? Little did we know then how harmful this word can be in a relationship.

When used dismissively, “whatever” can show a lack of interest or care for the other person’s thoughts or feelings.

It can come across as dismissive and disrespectful, causing the other person to feel unheard or unvalued.

Instead, if you’re feeling overwhelmed or need more time to think, it’s okay to communicate that. You could say, “I need some time to process this. Can we talk about it later?”

7) “You’re overreacting”

Ah, the classic case of gaslighting. You might not realize it, but telling someone they’re overreacting is an attempt to invalidate their feelings or experiences.

It’s important to remember that everyone is entitled to their feelings and reactions, regardless of whether you understand them or not. 

Instead of telling them they’re overreacting, try showing empathy and understanding.

You could say something like, “I see that you’re really upset about this. Let’s talk it through.”

8) “I don’t want to talk about it”

We’ve all been there. A heated argument takes place, emotions are running high and all you want to do is shut down the conversation.

While it might seem like a good idea in the heat of the moment, consistently avoiding difficult conversations can lead to unresolved issues and build up resentment.

If you need some time to cool down before discussing something, that’s perfectly okay.

Just make sure you communicate that instead of shutting down the conversation completely.

You could say, “I need some time to cool down before we continue discussing this.”

9) “You’re just like your mother/father”

We’ve all heard it, and maybe some of us have said it.

But comparing your partner to a family member, especially in a negative light, can be very hurtful.

This kind of statement can create feelings of resentment and cause unnecessary tension.

It’s best to address specific behaviors or issues directly, rather than resorting to comparisons.

Instead of saying, “You’re just like your mother“, try saying something like, “When you do this particular thing, it makes me feel this way…”

In conclusion, the words we use in our relationships matter. Even seemingly harmless phrases can slowly damage a relationship over time if we’re not careful. 

The key is to communicate openly, honestly, and with respect for each other’s feelings. 

After all, relationships are built on understanding and mutual respect. So let’s strive to use words that build up rather than tear down.