Understanding how to love and express affection is pivotal in any relationship.

But, what happens when someone struggles with showing love?

Often, these individuals exhibit specific behaviors that can be telltale signs of their struggle.

If you’ve been in a relationship with someone who finds it hard to express love, chances are you’ve come across some of these behaviors.

In this article, we’ll delve into 9 common behaviors displayed by people who find it challenging to love.

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it’s a starting point to help you better understand your loved ones and potentially guide them towards healthier emotional expressions. Let’s get started!

1) Lack of emotional vulnerability

In any relationship, emotional vulnerability plays a crucial role. It’s the willingness to let your guard down and share your deepest feelings and fears.

However, people who struggle to love often have a hard time showing this vulnerability. They may come across as emotionally distant or guarded, unable to fully open up about their feelings.

This lack of emotional depth can be confusing and frustrating for their partner, who might interpret it as lack of interest or affection.

But in reality, it could be a sign that this person doesn’t know how to navigate the landscape of love and express their feelings effectively.

2) Struggles with physical affection

Physical affection is a fundamental expression of love in a relationship. A simple hug, a gentle touch, or a comforting cuddle can speak volumes about your feelings for your partner.

But for some people, this doesn’t come naturally. I remember being in a relationship with someone who was uncomfortable with physical affection. Hand-holding was an ordeal, and hugs were few and far between.

At first, I interpreted this as disinterest or even rejection. But over time, I realized that it wasn’t about me – it was about their discomfort and unfamiliarity with expressing love physically.

This can be challenging to navigate in a relationship, but understanding that it’s not a reflection of your worth or their feelings for you can help.

It’s essential to communicate openly about this and find ways to express love that feel comfortable for both parties.

3) Avoids deep conversations

Engaging in deep and meaningful conversations is another way love manifests in a relationship. Besides discussing the weather or what’s on TV – it’s also about sharing your hopes, dreams, fears, and innermost thoughts.

Yet, individuals who find it hard to express love often shy away from such discussions.

They might steer clear of topics that require emotional investment or intimate knowledge.

Interestingly, studies have shown that engaging in deep conversations can actually increase feelings of intimacy and connection. This highlights the importance of encouraging open dialogue in a relationship, even if it feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar to one party.

4) Reluctance to commit

Commitment is the bedrock of any serious relationship. It’s a declaration of your intention to stick around, through the good times and the bad.

However, people who struggle with expressing love may also grapple with commitment. They might be hesitant to make plans for the future, or avoid labels that denote seriousness.

5) Difficulty saying “I love you”

For many of us, saying “I love you” comes naturally in a relationship. It’s a simple, yet powerful way to express our feelings.

But for those who don’t know how to love, these three words can feel like a mountain to climb. They might avoid saying it, or they might say it rarely and with noticeable discomfort.

Patience, understanding, and open communication can ease this struggle over time.

6) Misunderstands the concept of love

At the heart of it all, people who don’t know how to love often have a misunderstanding of what love truly is. They may see it as a transaction, a game, or something to be won or lost.

They might think love is about grand gestures or intense passion. But true love is about kindness, patience, understanding, and the ability to weather life’s storms together.

This misunderstanding can lead to a lot of heartache and confusion. But with time and patience, it can be unlearned.

7) Fear of getting hurt

Love comes with vulnerability, and vulnerability opens the door to potential hurt.

This can be a terrifying prospect for some. I’ve been there myself – scared to love fully because of the pain it might cause.

This fear can manifest as withdrawal, reluctance to engage on a deeper level, or an armor of emotional detachment.

It’s a self-preservation mechanism, a wall built to keep the heart safe from potential harm.

8) Inability to empathize

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person, a crucial aspect of love and connection.

However, those who struggle with love often find it hard to empathize. They may fail to recognize or understand their partner’s feelings, leading to misunderstandings and a sense of emotional disconnect.

9) Perfectionism in love

The idea of perfect love is a myth, but those who don’t know how to love often cling to this illusion.

They might expect flawless relationships and faultless partners, setting unrealistically high standards that are impossible to meet.

This perfectionism can sabotage their ability to love and be loved. It’s important to know that love is about accepting imperfections, both in ourselves and in our partners.

Final thoughts: Love is a journey

Understanding love is a journey, not a destination. Along with that is constant learning, growing, adapting, embracing vulnerability, fostering empathy, and tearing down walls of fear.

For those who don’t know how to love, this journey might seem daunting. But the ability to love and express affection is innate in all of us.

It might be buried under layers of fear, misunderstanding, or past hurt, but it’s there.

American psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.”

For those who struggle with love, the challenge is to step forward – to embrace growth and change. It may be a long journey, but it’s one worth embarking on for the joy and fulfillment that love can bring into our lives.

It’s never too late to learn how to love <3