We’ve all heard the saying, “Love conquers all.” But, unfortunately, love is not always enough.

Here’s why.

Sometimes, we find ourselves involved with people who are emotionally unavailable. The term might sound quite complicated, but it simply refers to those who struggle to express or handle their emotions in a healthy way.

Now, you might be sitting there thinking, “But my partner shows me love every day!” And yes, while they may shower you with affection and care, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re emotionally available.

So is your partner emotionally unavailable?

If you’re here pondering that question, I’m going to take a wild guess and say something doesn’t feel quite right. And you know what? It’s good that you’re here.

In this article, we’re going to discuss 7 subtle but concerning signs your partner is emotionally unavailable in the relationship. These signs might not be glaringly obvious, making them easy to overlook. But once you know what to look for, you’ll be better equipped to understand your partner’s emotional landscape.

1. They avoid deep conversations

Let’s start with something quite telling: an aversion to deep conversations.

You see, emotionally unavailable people often steer clear of discussions that involve emotions, feelings, or anything that might make them feel vulnerable.

Think about it.

When was the last time your partner opened up about their fears or shared their deepest desires? If you struggle to remember, it might be a sign they’re emotionally unavailable.

Now, don’t get me wrong.

It’s not about forcing someone to spill their guts. Everyone has their pace and comfort level when it comes to sharing personal information. But if your partner consistently avoids or diverts serious discussions, we might be onto something here.

2. They’re not good at showing empathy

Now, here’s another sign: lack of empathy.

This one hit home for me in a previous relationship. Let me share a little story.

One day, I was dealing with a particularly challenging issue at work. It had been draining me emotionally for days, and all I needed was someone to understand what I was going through.

So, naturally, I turned to my partner.

I remember sitting him down and pouring my heart out, explaining how this situation was affecting me. And his response? “Well, everyone has problems.”

That’s it. No comforting words. No support. Just a cold, indifferent response.

Looking back, it was a clear sign of his emotional unavailability. You see, empathy is all about understanding and sharing the feelings of others. If your partner struggles to empathize with your experiences and emotions or tends to dismiss them, they might be emotionally unavailable.

3. They’re often emotionally inconsistent

This next one might sound a bit tricky: emotional inconsistency.

Let me paint a picture for you based on personal experience.

In my past relationship, my partner was like a roller coaster of emotions. One day, he would be all sweet and caring, showering me with affection. The next day? He’d be cold and distant, almost like a stranger.

Sounds familiar?

It was confusing, to say the least. I was constantly left wondering which version of him I would get each day.

Here’s the thing.

Emotional consistency is incredibly important in a relationship. It’s about being steady and reliable, not swinging wildly from one emotional extreme to the other.

If your partner’s emotional behaviour seems unpredictable and leaves you feeling insecure or unstable, it could indicate emotional unavailability.

After all, healthy relationships should provide a sense of security, not constant uncertainty.

4. They’re reluctant to commit

Moving on to another sign: a reluctance to commit.

Now, this doesn’t just mean being unwilling to put a label on your relationship. It’s about more than that.

Commitment also involves investing time, energy, and emotions into the relationship. It’s about planning a future together and making decisions that benefit both partners.

But here’s the kicker.

If your partner is emotionally unavailable, they may avoid discussing the future or making long-term plans. They might shy away from decisions that involve deeper commitment, like moving in together or meeting each other’s families.

5. They blame others for their emotions

Next up, we have another sign: blaming others for their emotions.

Now, this might not seem like a big deal at first, but it’s actually quite revealing.

According to psychologists, taking responsibility for one’s emotions is a crucial aspect of emotional maturity. It’s about acknowledging your feelings and understanding that you, and only you, have control over them.

But here’s the rub.

An emotionally unavailable partner might often blame you or others for how they feel. They might say things like “You’re making me angry” or “You’re the reason I’m upset.”

This isn’t just unfair. It’s also a clear indication that they’re not owning their emotions, which is a classic sign of emotional unavailability.

6. They keep their life compartmentalized

Let’s talk about something that might hit close to home for many of us: compartmentalization.

In my previous relationship, I found it odd that my partner kept different parts of his life separate. I would rarely meet his friends, he would never talk about his family, and he seemed to have an invisible boundary around his work life.

It was as if he was trying to keep me out of certain parts of his life. This made me feel like I was only getting a fraction of who he truly was.

An emotionally unavailable partner might do the same. They may keep you at arm’s length from certain aspects of their life, creating a sense of disconnect.

7. They struggle with emotional intimacy

The final and perhaps most telling sign is a struggle with emotional intimacy.

Emotional intimacy is about being able to share your deepest thoughts, feelings, and fears with your partner. It’s about feeling safe and secure in revealing your true self, knowing that you’ll be accepted and loved for who you are.

But an emotionally unavailable partner may struggle with this level of depth and vulnerability. They may put up walls, maintain a safe distance, and avoid opening up completely.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these signs in your partner can be challenging, stirring a range of emotions from confusion to concern.

It’s crucial to reflect on your relationship, considering whether it meets your emotional needs and offers potential for growth.

While addressing these issues, it’s also beneficial to seek insights from various sources.

One resource I recommend is Justin Brown’s video, “Confessions of an emotionally unavailable man: My epic apology to women,” on YouTube.

This video provides valuable perspectives on dealing with emotional unavailability.

Watching it could offer additional understanding and strategies for handling such situations in your own relationship.