As kids, making friends is a fairly straightforward task, right? You go to the playground, strike up a conversation with another kid, then you end up being fast friends by the day’s end.

But as adults? Not that easy. It often seems like the older we get, the harder it becomes to form those close, effortless friendships we once did so easily.

Even the close friends we used to have could fade away until we’re no longer in touch with them.

Adult life brings more complexities and barriers to building deep connections. But why is that exactly?

Today, let’s talk about that. Here are eight reasons why some adults find themselves without close friends, according to psychology:

1) They may be shy or socially anxious

Psychologists cite shyness or social anxiety as the top reason for why some people have no close friends.

Healthline defines shyness as the “feeling of fear or discomfort caused by other people, especially in new situations or among strangers.It’s an unpleasant feeling of self-consciousness — a fear of what some people believe others are thinking.”

It’s hard enough to approach other people and strike up a conversation when you’re shy. Even more so if you have social anxiety.

Compared to shyness, social anxiety is more persistent and overwhelming, to the point that it disrupts everyday activities.

People with this disorder tend to avoid socializing altogether. Even shopping for groceries can seem terribly, horribly, painful.

This explains why finding and maintaining friendships is difficult for them.

2) They move around frequently

Did you move around a lot? Maybe you were a military child, or your parents had to relocate often due to their jobs?

Or maybe you have that situation yourself today, as an adult.

This kind of living setup affects the friendships you make.

For instance, in a USO article about military children, it was interesting to see how military life is such a double-edged sword.

On one hand, it means you meet a lot of new people. But at the same time, you won’t be able to make deeper friendships because you could switch states in the middle of a school year.

This ties in with the findings of a study at the University of Virginia, which showed that moving residences is sometimes associated with shallower social relationships.

Another study suggests that people who move from place to place tend to think of their relationships as disposable.

So they end up not having any close friends; it just doesn’t make sense to be that attached to people when you know you’re always on the move.

3) They have situational obstacles

My point above is actually an example of a situational obstacle. But there are others, such as:

• Living in a remote area where there’s hardly anyone to be close friends with
• Having family responsibilities that leave you so tired all the time
• Dealing with health issues that can push all other life concerns to the side
• Having a disability (let’s face it, stereotyping, stigma, and discrimination are still the biggest challenges people with disability face everyday, as Epic Assist puts it.)

Situations like these aren’t anyone’s fault, really. It just happens to be, well, the situation.

And unfortunately, they can really limit social interactions and the ability to foster close relationships.

4) They are too busy with their careers

Similarly, being overly driven in your professional life can get in the way of forming close friendships.

After all, when will you have the time for that if you’re busy chasing deadlines, attending endless meetings, and constantly striving for the next big promotion?

Balancing work and social life becomes a juggling act many struggle with. I went through it myself, when I was younger and hell bent on getting ahead at work.

I stopped going out to meet my friends because even when I was free, I was just tired and preferred to rest. Eventually, I lost some close friends this way.

It wasn’t until I encountered palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware’s book, “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” that I started correcting this imbalance in my life.

You know why? Because as it turns out, these two regrets are among those top five:

• “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
• “I wish I’d stayed in touch with my friends.”

And at the rate I was going back then, I seemed poised to be saying these two regrets at my deathbed in the future. A change was definitely in order.

5) They have trust issues

If you find it hard to trust people, that could very well be the reason why it’s hard to have close friends.

Any kind of relationship needs trust to prosper. Without it, it’s going to be a pretty shallow one.

It’s easy to see why. Before you can open up and share more of yourself with someone, you have to be able to trust them.

Trust enables vulnerability, and as researcher Brene Brown said, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”

6) They don’t share common interests with the people around them

Sometimes, it’s a simple matter of not having anything in common with the people around you. Psychologists say that having shared interests is crucial in building friendships.

I remember back in high school, there was this guy who didn’t have any close friends.

He was into obscure books and indie films, interests that didn’t exactly resonate with most of us – typical teenagers – who were more into mainstream sports and pop culture.

It wasn’t that he was unfriendly. It was just harder for him to find common ground on which to build friendships.

This situation is something that still happens at any stage of our lives. No matter how old you are or how friendly you are, if your interests are so different from those around you, it can be tough to forge deep connections.

At best, you’ll just have a perfectly pleasant but not meaningful enough relationship.

7) They prefer being alone

Here’s something even simpler – sometimes it’s just a matter of personality. Sometimes, people just like being alone.

There’s nothing wrong with that, of course. In fact, it could simply be a reflection of their intelligence. Studies show that highly intelligent people are much happier being alone than being with friends.

Or they could just be introverts, which means that their brain works differently. As Dr. Marti Olsen Laney explains in her book, “The Introvert Advantage,” introverts are more sensitive to stimulation. So they require less of it.

In this case, it’s not a matter of “can’t make friends”. It’s a matter of “doesn’t need to.”

8) They have personality traits that push people away

Speaking of personality, there are certain traits that get in the way of forming close friendships, such as:

• Neediness
• Pushiness
• Rudeness
• Self-righteousness
• Being controlling
• Being overly independent

Obviously, it’s a longer list than that, but you get the picture. This should come as no surprise; I’m sure if you encounter someone with an unsettling personality, you’d think twice about getting closer to them.

And if you’re the one with an annoying trait (although let’s be honest, all of us have an annoying trait or two…or more!), remember that it doesn’t have to spell the end of your social life.

The key is to recognize and work on them so you can open up the possibility for deeper and more meaningful connections.