We often talk about the importance of being kind and understanding other people’s feelings. But what about the signs that someone isn’t so great at this?

Believe it or not, certain behaviors can reveal a lack of empathy and kindness.

So, sit back and let’s dive into 12 behaviors that people who lack kindness and empathy often show (without even realizing it).

You might be surprised!

1) Only thinking about themselves

Ever met someone who seems to only care about themselves? These folks are always focused on what they want or need, and hardly ever think about others.

It’s like they’re stuck in their own little bubble, completely oblivious to other people’s needs or feelings. This self-centeredness is a classic sign of a lack of kindness and empathy.

They might not even realize how one-sided their behavior is, but it’s pretty clear to those around them.

2) Not spotting others’ feelings

Some folks have a tough time recognizing what others are feeling. They might see someone looking sad, but mistake it for anger. Or they might not even notice when someone’s upset.

This inability to read other people’s emotions is a big sign that they lack empathy.

It seems like they’re missing that radar that helps most of us understand how someone else is feeling. And without that understanding, it’s hard to respond with kindness or support.

3) Not feeling sorry for others

I remember once when I was having a pretty rough day. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong, and I was feeling pretty low. I shared this with a friend at the time and was met with a surprising response.

Instead of sympathy or even a simple “that sucks,” they just shrugged it off and changed the subject. It was clear they didn’t feel sorry for me at all, even though I was clearly having a tough time.

This lack of compassion is a big red flag that someone lacks empathy and kindness. They may not mean to be cold, but their inability to feel for others can come across that way.

4) Not listening

Have you ever tried to share something important with someone, only to be interrupted or spoken over?

This lack of active listening is another clear sign of a lack of empathy. These individuals are often so focused on what they have to say, that they fail to pay attention to what others are expressing.

An interesting fact is that according to research from Harvard Business Review, good listeners are not just passive sponges but active participants in a conversation.

They make the speaker feel supported and less anxious, which is crucial in any kind of meaningful interaction. Unfortunately, those lacking empathy often miss out on these positive aspects of communication.

5) Being mean or negative

Imagine this: You’re having a great day, and then someone comes along with a mean comment or a negative attitude. It’s like a dark cloud suddenly covering the sun.

These individuals often use hurtful words or act negatively, seemingly without reason. It’s heartbreaking because underneath that harsh exterior, there’s usually someone who’s hurting or struggling in their own way.

Unfortunately, instead of seeking help or trying to improve their situation, they project their pain onto others, creating a cycle of negativity. This behavior isn’t just unkind—it’s a cry for help that often goes misunderstood.

6) Pointing fingers

I’ll never forget the time I worked on a group project with a colleague who never took responsibility for his mistakes. Whenever something went wrong, he would instantly blame someone else.

It wasn’t just frustrating—it was a clear sign that he lacked empathy. Instead of understanding how his actions could affect others and owning up to his mistakes, he found it easier to point fingers.

This behavior made it difficult to work with him, and eventually led to a lot of tension within our team.

7) Not reacting to others’ feelings

Let’s be real here. We’ve all encountered those people who just don’t seem to react when others are emotional.

You could be pouring your heart out, and they just sit there, seemingly unaffected. It’s like they’re made of stone. You might even start questioning yourself – “Am I overreacting?” or “Am I being too sensitive?”.

But the truth is, it’s not you—it’s them. Their lack of emotional response is a glaring sign of their own lack of empathy. And honestly, it can be really tough to deal with.

8) Ignoring personal space

Personal space is important. It’s like an invisible bubble around us that we instinctively know not to invade. But people who lack empathy often don’t recognize this boundary.

They might stand too close, touch without permission, or probe into personal matters without being invited.

Did you know science tells us that the average personal space boundary for most people is about an arm’s length away? So when someone consistently ignores this unspoken rule, it’s a clear sign they lack empathy.

9) Making hurtful jokes

I had a friend once who always had a joke ready. At first, it was fun. But as time passed, I noticed that his jokes often came at the expense of others.

He’d make fun of people’s appearances, their mistakes, their insecurities – all under the guise of humor. I remember once when he made a joke about my fear of heights during a group outing.

Everyone laughed, but I felt embarrassed and belittled. It was clear that he lacked empathy, not realizing or caring about how his words could hurt others.

10) Not saying thank you

Let’s be honest here.

Saying ‘thank you’ is one of the simplest ways to show appreciation. But some people just don’t get it. They receive help or kindness and don’t bother to acknowledge it.

This lack of gratitude isn’t just rude—it shows a lack of empathy and understanding of the effort someone else put in for their sake.

11) Being quick to judge

We’ve all come across those individuals who are quick to judge others without knowing the full story.

They’ll label someone as lazy without knowing they’re struggling with a chronic illness or call someone selfish without understanding their backstory.

12) Avoiding deep talks

And finally, let’s talk about those people who avoid deep or emotional conversations like the plague.

Mention feelings or anything slightly personal, and they’re out the door. I’m not saying that they’re bad people—they just struggle with empathy.

They find it hard to understand and connect with emotions, both theirs and others’. And honestly, it can make forming meaningful relationships with them pretty tough.