8 things that annoy introverts the most, according to psychology

If there’s one thing all introverts can agree on, it’s that it can be tough to live in a world that belongs to extroverts.
From feeling pressured to attend every networking event to getting constantly asked why we’re so quiet, there are certain things that annoy us to no end.
And it’s about time everyone learns about them.
If you’re an introvert who wants their extroverted friends to understand them a bit better or if you’re an extrovert yourself, read on for 8 crucial lessons.
Here are the things that annoy introverts the most.
1) When we’re being pushed to “go out and have fun”
Let’s unpack the most common misconception about introverts.
No, we don’t hate people. No, we’re not necessarily shy. That’s not how introversion works.
According to psychology, the main difference between extroverts and introverts is all about where we get our energy.
While extroverts recharge when they’re around other people, introverts need a bit of time to themselves in order to relax, get their energy levels up, and feel ready to socialize again.
Personally, I love to party and meet new people. When I’m out and about, I often don’t even come across as an introvert because I can be pretty outgoing and chatty.
But once my social batteries are dead, that’s it for me. That’s when I “turn off” and need to go home where I can spend some time on my own.
The worst thing you can do in a situation like this is to try to persuade me to stay or push me to go out again the next day.
“Come on, let’s go out and have fun!”
I’m having fun reading a book on my own, thank you very much. Once I’m up for socializing again, I’ll let you know.
Until then, I’ll enjoy some much-needed alone time.
2) When people call us with no prior warning
Some of my extroverted friends like to say that it’s quicker to call people instead of texting. “We’ll have a two-minute phone call, get everything sorted, and that’s us done.”
While I understand the sentiment behind this – it can take some time before people reply to messages, but many of us will immediately answer a call – I would also argue it’s not very introvert-friendly.
Introverts like to have their space to themselves. When our phone rings out of nowhere, it’s akin to having someone barge into the house or shout at us through the window.
We feel rattled, annoyed, and if the phone call could have been a quick non-urgent message, we might get really frustrated.
If you can help it, always try to text rather than call when dealing with an introvert.
3) When we’re stuck in meetings that could have been an email
On a similar note, Zoom is an introvert’s number one enemy. And that’s because most remote work meetings are completely unnecessary.
Since introverts’ energy gets drained during socializing, long meetings where nothing gets sorted and everyone constantly strays away from the main topic are a complete nightmare for us.
We want to use our energy where it truly matters. And in order to do that, we need to throw long and senseless meanings out of our schedule.
This isn’t to say all meetings are pointless, of course.
But let’s be honest – we’ve all been in a meeting at some point in our lives when we thought, “Christ, this could have just been an email. Why are we still babbling on about this?”
4) When we are unexpectedly the center of attention
Experts say that introverts often dislike being the center of attention, even if that attention is positive.
As someone who wants to disappear every time someone says, “Tell me a joke,” I completely relate.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind stealing the spotlight once in a while. I did theater when I was younger (yes, voluntarily). All I ask is that I have enough time to mentally prepare for what’s to come.
Here are just a few situations that annoy the hell out of introverts because they’re extremely stressful for us:
- When everyone sits in a circle and has to introduce themselves and share a “fun fact” about themselves
- When we have to suddenly improvise a scene or some kind of performance in front of everyone
- When we’re asked to make a public speech we didn’t prepare for
- When we’re meant to tell a joke or do something funny out of nowhere
Again, introverts don’t necessarily shy away from the spotlight. We just want to know it’s on the cards. We don’t want to be caught off guard.
5) When we’re constantly being asked why we’re so quiet
According to Psychology Today, “Introverts are more responsive to internally generated brain activity, from planning ahead to remembering the past. They are content with their own thoughts and don’t need a steady stream of novelty and emotional arousal to experience pleasure; they prefer the quiet of calm to the high of happiness.”
The key words here are “the quiet of calm”.
Introverts don’t feel any need to constantly seek fun conversations, adrenaline-filled activities, and euphoric experiences.
Sometimes, we just want to chill. We love to soak in the present moment, go on a peaceful walk in nature, or sit in comfortable silence with someone we love.
And yes, this means that many introverts are pretty quiet. They only say words they genuinely mean; they struggle to navigate small talk; they’d rather say nothing than waste their energy.
But this doesn’t mean they’re shy or upset. It just means they prefer to listen than talk. And that’s okay.
Stop asking introverts why they’re so damn quiet. Instead, accept that this is how they function. It’s up to you to decide whether you can get on the same wavelength or not.
6) When people don’t get the headphone hint
If I put my headphones on, it means I don’t want you to speak to me.
Sounds quite obvious, right?
Except I’ve met plenty of extroverts who didn’t really get the hint. Like, at all. They’d keep talking at me, and I’d have to take my headphones off and put them back on so many times that I eventually had to say, “Look, I really need to focus right now.”
If you didn’t know about this rule before, you know it now: don’t talk to people who have their headphones on. They’ve covered their ears for a reason.
7) When people don’t stick to the plan
… or don’t intend to create one in the first place.
To ensure their energy levels are high enough, introverts like to organize their days and weeks. We like to know what’s what so that we schedule in enough time alone as well as socializing.
In fact, experts recommend that we do precisely that in order to avoid overextending ourselves.
This means we’ve got to know what the plan is.
No, I’m not going to “just go with the flow”. I don’t want to wait and see if you’re free to meet up on the day of the date. I want to make a concrete plan a few days in advance so that I know what to expect.
Being an introvert means we’ve got to be more careful planners so that we don’t burn out.
8) When others assume something’s wrong if we want a bit of space
As we’ve established at the beginning of this article, introversion makes it so that we recharge our batteries in solitude.
As a result, we may have to ask for space in certain situations. We may have to set some boundaries. And although it might be a bit uncomfortable for both parties, it’s necessary for us to do so before we end up completely exhausted.
So, if an introverted friend tells you that they really enjoyed hanging out with you but that they’d like to have some alone time now, it doesn’t mean something’s wrong. It doesn’t mean they’re upset.
It simply means they’re an introvert.
Your job is to accept them for who they are, be glad that they feel safe and confident enough around you to express their boundaries, and respect their decision without taking it personally.
If you do that, I promise your introverted friend will appreciate you even more than before.