9 things introverts find draining, according to psychology

Gemma Clarke by Gemma Clarke | September 30, 2024, 9:08 pm

For “social butterflies,” introversion is a complex trait to understand. 

If socializing invigorates you more than an espresso, you probably can’t get your head around why some people choose to spend time alone.

As an introvert, I’ve experienced firsthand the nine things that drain us the most. 

Along with personal insights, I’m drawing on psychological research to help you understand what it’s like to have a low social battery.

1) Crowded spaces

From my earliest memories, I’ve always had an aversion to crowded spaces, a feeling that I couldn’t quite explain as a child.

I thought everyone hated crowds as much as me. 

But as I got older and saw how people flock to busy beaches and choose crowded bars over quiet ones, I realized it wasn’t the case.

As psychologist Olivia Guy-Evans explains, a critical difference between extroverts and introverts is this…

  • Extroverts GAIN energy from being around people
  • Introverts LOSE energy from being around people 

Knowing this, it makes sense why so many people go to crowded places—they energize and invigorate them.

But if you’re an introvert like me, you will instead seek out the quietest, emptiest places and avoid crowds like the plague!

2) Large social events

For me, a quiet night at home with a good book has always been more appealing than the bustling atmosphere of a club. 

If you feel the same, you might just be an introvert.

This is because introverts find large-scale socializing, like parties and group dinners, incredibly draining.

As psychologist Elaine Houston explains…

While extroverts thrive in social interactions, introverts find these events depleting and need time alone to recharge.

That’s why extroverts and introverts act differently at social events like parties.

Extroverts are typically reveling in the center of attention and are the life and soul of the party.

Introverts, however, are the ones standing in the corner, avoiding the spotlight or sitting on a couch engrossed in a one-to-one conversation.

But it’s not just the mass of people at events that drains introverts; it’s also the noise…

3) Loud environments

I’m highly sensitive to noise. I dislike sounds like motorbikes, construction work, and loud music. 

However, I never knew that was related to my introversion until I read Susan Cain’s book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking.”

As Susan explains, introverts tend to tolerate much less noise than extroverts, and research has proven this.

In one study, researchers found two interesting findings:

  • Introverts perceive noise over 55 decibels as too loud, while extroverts are comfortable with noise up to 72 decibels.
  • When working in a noisy environment, introverts’ performance and productivity are affected much more than extroverts. 

The second finding suggests that introverts need a quiet workplace, which is why they find the following work environment highly draining… 

4) Open-plan offices

As an introvert, I enjoy working alone in my home office. 

If I feel a need to be around others, I will go to a quiet cafe where I can sit in the corner in peace.

However, I didn’t always have the luxury of working from home.

Several years ago, I worked for a large corporate company, and my working environment was very different from what it is now…

The company building spanned five floors, most of which (including my floor) were open-plan offices.

Except for a few meeting rooms, the entire floor was an open office, which I shared with around 100 colleagues.

At the time, I didn’t know I was an introvert, so I didn’t connect the working environment with the extreme fatigue I felt at the end of every day. 

In an open-plan office like this, there is constant noise and activity – which results in over-stimulation.

I would escape to the toilets whenever it became too much. But of course, there was only so long I could hide out there. 

So, except for my mini ‘quiet breaks,’ I would have to endure 8 hours a day in a loud and busy environment, which would leave me feeling extremely drained at 5 p.m. every day.

Another reason open-concept offices are an introvert’s nightmare is because they promote the following thing that drains our energy…

5) Small talk

Introverts have something known as selective socialization

Deep, one-on-one conversations fill us with energy, but superficial interactions, such as small talk, severely drain us.

There are two reasons for this.

Firstly…

Small talk often feels fake and forced, and introverts value authenticity and meaning. 

Secondly…

When a colleague or stranger initiates small talk with us, they unknowingly interrupt our downtime.

Let me explain…

In a 2016 study, researchers found that a normal person, on average, feels fatigued after 3 hours of social interaction. 

Introverts, though, have a much shorter social battery, so we must choose our daily interactions wisely.

While extroverts may appreciate strangers starting conversations with us, it can feel annoying and intruding to an introvert.

Every small talk occurrence drains our battery a bit more, increasing the downtime we need to recharge. 

6) Phone calls

Ask any millennial or Gen Z, and they will say they hate phone calls.

Studies show that the younger generations dislike taking phone calls because they feel they intrude on their daily lives.

However, introverts have a different reason for disliking phone calls – it drains their energy.

How?

To an introvert, an unexpected phone call is similar to unexpected small talk from a stranger.

Answering a phone call is often an unexpected social interaction. 

Introverts can only deal with so many social interactions a day. So they have to choose them carefully.

So, if an introvert is already feeling socially drained, answering a phone call, especially one that ends up long-winded, could leave their social battery at 0%.

So what many introverts will do, including me, is not answer the call and either:

  1. Message the person and say, “I can’t talk right now, but feel free to send me a voice message.”
  2. Wait until their social battery is recharged, and then call the person back.

Here’s another form of communication that introverts tend to avoid…

7) Online group chats

It’s important to note that it’s not just in-person social interaction that can drain an introvert.

Social media can be just as draining, and there is even a psychological term for it: social media fatigue.

This 2018 study looked at the effects of social media fatigue on a person’s psychological well-being.

The researchers found that this type of fatigue results from fast-paced online communication combined with FOMO (fear of missing out).

Where do we experience this the most?

In social media group chats!

When multiple people are replying in a group chat, you receive notification after notification.

Even just looking at the notifications can drain an introvert’s energy, even if they don’t open and read the conversation.

Of course, we feel we must keep up with our ongoing group chats due to FOMO. But for introverts, this can cost them their energy.

This is why I had to mute all my group chats and remove myself from the ones that were not absolutely necessary for me to be in.

8) Not enough alone time

One of the easiest ways to determine if you’re an introvert is how long you can socialize until you feel drained.

For me, it’s two days! After two days of full-on socializing, I need alone time to recharge.

If I’m unable to take this alone time and instead am forced to continue socializing, I get very irritable and cold, and if I’m being honest, I’m not a nice person to be around.

This is likely where the stereotype of introverts being cold and aloof comes from.

But the truth is, we only come across this way if we are not getting enough alone charge.

Trust me, an introvert on a fully charged social battery is an entirely different person from an introvert on a 1% battery! 

9) Lack of privacy 

It’s not just active socialization that can be draining, but also being around other people for too long.

Let me give you a personal example…

For me, long-haul travel is one of the most draining things.

When I fly from Thailand (where I live) to the UK (my home country), I have to endure 15+ hours constantly surrounded by people – 12 hours of which I sit next to a stranger on a plane.

While this environment may not bother an extrovert, for an introvert, it’s incredibly draining because it means ZERO privacy for an extended period.

Final thoughts

As you can see, introverts are not unfriendly, shy, or rude. They simply cannot handle as much social interaction and external stimulation as others.

Studies show that almost half the population is introverted. So, if you don’t have this personality trait, you’ll most likely have friends or family who do.

Thus, learning about introversion will help you better navigate interactions with the introverts in your life. 

With this knowledge, you can better honor their needs, whether it’s texting instead of calling them or inviting them to a quiet bar rather than a house party.