When someone smiles at you, you assume they like you; when they ask how you’re doing, you believe they care.

But guess what? Things aren’t always what they seem.

Sometimes, relationships can feel one-sided, leaving you wondering where you truly stand with someone.

While they may not outright dismiss you, my fellow psychologists have identified eight specific signs that someone might just be tolerating you, without genuinely caring about your well-being.

Without further ado, these are eight signs that can help you recognize when someone doesn’t have your best interests at heart:

1) They’re indifferent to your success or failure

Life is a rollercoaster of ups and downs—one moment, you feel like you’re on top of the world, and the next, you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom—and in these moments, what you truly need is someone who can celebrate your victories with you and help you get back on your feet when you fall.

However, not everyone is there for the ride as some people may seem present but they’re not really there.

How can you tell?

They don’t celebrate when you win, nor do they offer support when you lose but, instead, they maintain a neutral stance, showing little to no emotion when things go well or poorly for you.

It’s as if your experiences don’t affect them emotionally.

2) They rarely initiate contact

When was the last time they texted you first?

It’s a question I often ask myself when I’m analyzing my relationships, and it’s not about keeping score or anything, but more about recognizing the effort put into maintaining the connection.

I remember a friend from college: We used to hang out all the time, chat in between classes, and even study together but, once we graduated and moved to different cities, I was always the one initiating contact.

Whether it was a casual “How are you?” text or a call on their birthday, I was always the one reaching out first.

It took me a while to realize that they were never really interested in maintaining our friendship.

If they’re not putting in the effort to stay connected, it’s likely that your relationship isn’t a priority for them.

3) They avoid deep conversations

Think about the last conversation you had with this person: Did it revolve around the weather, recent movies, or other surface-level topics?

Deep conversations are the bread and butter of any strong relationship. They allow us to understand each other’s values, fears, dreams, and perspectives on life.

However, research shows that people who are not genuinely interested in others tend to avoid these deep conversations—they stick to small talk and avoid getting into discussions that require emotional investment.

This avoidance is often subconscious, a defense mechanism to prevent emotional attachment—so, consider this a red flag!

4) They’re constantly distracted when with you

Our time is one of the most valuable things we can offer to someone.

When we choose to spend it with a person, it’s a clear sign of our interest and care for them.

But what if the person you’re with always seems distracted?

They’re continuously checking their phone, their eyes wander off during your conversation, or they seem more interested in their surroundings than in your discussion.

A person who genuinely cares about you will give you their undivided attention, not because they have to, but because they want to know more about you and your world.

5) They don’t remember important details about you

I remember a time when I was talking to a friend about a book I had just finished: It was one of those stories that had deeply moved me, and I was excited to share my thoughts.

I noticed, however, as I enthusiastically discussed the plot, my friend’s blank stare.

It then hit me: I had already talked about this book with them a week before—they simply hadn’t remembered.

Psychologists say this form of forgetfulness can be a telling sign that someone tolerates you but doesn’t genuinely care about you.

When people care about you, they remember the little things—your favorite color, the name of your pet, the book you couldn’t stop talking about.

If they frequently forget important details about your life or conversations, it could be because you’re not as significant to them as they might be to you.

6) They’re overly agreeable

You might think that someone constantly agreeing with you is a sign of closeness and shared views—but that’s not always the case.

Someone who genuinely cares about you wouldn’t be afraid to challenge your ideas or express their own opinions, even if they differ from yours.

They respect you enough to engage in a healthy debate and value your relationship enough to be honest.

On the contrary, someone who always agrees with you, without offering their own thoughts or perspectives, might not be as invested in the relationship.

They might just be going along with your ideas to avoid conflict or deeper engagement.

7) They never include you in their future plans

Planning a vacation next summer or thinking about a new project in the coming months?

If the person you’re thinking about never includes you in their future plans, then that’s an awfully bad sign for you.

People who genuinely care about you see you as a part of their future—they include you in their plans, involve you in their decisions, and look forward to shared experiences.

However, if they’re always talking about their future in singular terms, or they seem surprised when you assume you’ll be a part of it, this could be a red flag too.

Excluding you—in almost everything—speaks volumes about their intentions and feelings towards you.

8) They rarely express genuine concern for your well-being

At the heart of every genuine relationship is an underlying concern for the other person’s well-being.

It’s about wanting the best for them, caring about their happiness, their health, and their overall state of mind.

Genuine care involves taking an interest in your well-being and offering support wherever needed.

Remember, a relationship without genuine care and concern is simply a hollow connection—don’t settle for less than what you deserve.

In reflection

If you’ve come this far, you know that human behavior is rarely black and white—the subtle shades of gray often reveal the true nature of our relationships.

Recognizing these eight signs is a step toward understanding your relationship dynamics, and about valuing yourself and refusing to settle for connections that lack genuine care and respect.

Remember, Albert Einstein once said, “I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.”

In other words, every interaction matters—every relationship deserves genuine care, and you, my friend, deserve to be surrounded by people who truly value and appreciate you.

Take a moment to reflect on your relationships and, as challenging as it may be, identifying these signs can lead you towards healthier and more fulfilling connections.