“Control your temper, because anger makes you look foolish,” my grandfather used to say.

Have you noticed how some people seem to never lose their calm, even in the heat of an argument?

They maintain a steady tone, their voice never rising to that sharp pitch of irritation or frustration. It’s pretty impressive, isn’t it?

These calm individuals often share a set of distinct characteristics. Qualities that not only keep them grounded during heated moments but also make them stand out.

In this piece, we’ll explore the seven defining traits commonly found in people who never raise their voices during arguments.

Spoiler: It’s not just about keeping their temper in check!

1) High emotional intelligence

Let’s start with emotional intelligence.

You’ve likely heard this term before. It’s the ability to recognize and manage not just your own emotions, but also those of others. Think of it as an emotional compass.

People who keep their cool in arguments often score high on the emotional intelligence scale.

They’re adept at understanding both their own feelings and those of others. This helps them navigate emotionally charged situations without getting pulled into the chaos.

While others might react angrily, these individuals remain steady and composed.

2) Exceptional listening skills

Next, let’s talk about outstanding listening abilities.

Let me share a personal story to illustrate this.

I had a friend named Alex who was the embodiment of calm in every disagreement. Not once did he raise his voice.

I vividly recall a time when we were in a heated debate about a project we were working on. While I was practically shouting, Alex remained calm and composed.

Here’s what really struck me.

He wasn’t just being quiet; he was genuinely listening to everything I was saying. Rather than preparing his counter-argument or trying to win, he was focused on understanding my point of view.

This is a common trait among those who never raise their voices in arguments.

They’re not just passively silent; they’re engaged, active listeners. They know that communication is as much about hearing the other person as it is about speaking.

Quite a powerful lesson, right?

3) Strong sense of self-assurance

We’ve all had moments where we raised our voices, thinking that being louder would make our argument more compelling.

But here’s the thing about those who remain composed—they don’t need to shout to make their point.

Why?

Because they have a firm belief in their views. They don’t rely on volume to validate their opinions or assert authority.

Their confidence comes not from winning an argument or overpowering someone else, but from knowing their worth and standing firm in their convictions.

They speak calmly, yet their words carry significant weight.

4) Mastery of language and communication

Now, let’s move on to the power of language.

People who never raise their voices during arguments have the ability to choose their words carefully, structure their arguments effectively, and deliver their points with clarity.

They understand the subtleties of communication and use them to their advantage.

They articulate their thoughts concisely and compellingly without ever needing to raise their voice.

In fact, they often opt for silence when necessary, knowing that sometimes the most powerful message is in what isn’t said.

It’s an art form, really—a skill that can transform not just arguments, but any interaction.

5) Unshakeable patience

It’s no secret that arguments can test anyone’s patience. The clash of differing views, the tension—it can make anyone lose their cool.

But here’s something interesting.

A study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that patience is not only linked to better overall health but also to greater life satisfaction.

Those who keep their voices down during arguments tend to have an incredible amount of patience.

They see arguments not as something to avoid but as moments to learn from, rather than win.

They extend patience not only to others but also to themselves.

They give themselves the time to pause and think before responding, allowing them to approach situations with thoughtfulness instead of impulse.

6) Empathy

Those who don’t raise their voices in arguments tend to have a strong sense of empathy.

They aren’t just focused on their own feelings—they’re considering the perspective of the other person.

By doing this, they create space for open communication and mutual understanding, rather than a battleground of clashing opinions.

They’re not afraid to acknowledge someone else’s emotions, even if they disagree.

Their empathy helps them navigate conflict with grace, turning disagreements into moments of connection rather than division.

It’s a quality that not only eases tension but also strengthens relationships.

7) Impressive self-control

People who manage to stay calm in arguments often have a remarkable degree of self-control.

They know how to regulate their emotions and reactions, opting for thoughtful responses over quick, emotional outbursts.

They understand that while they can’t control external factors or other people’s actions, they can control how they choose to respond.

They don’t let their emotions dictate their reactions; instead, they take a breath, step back, and respond with care.

This self-discipline allows them to maintain their composure and dignity, showing that true strength isn’t about how loud you can yell, but how calmly you can handle the situation.

Final thoughts

Conflicts are a natural part of life. They’re not something to fear or avoid. In fact, when handled well, they can lead to growth, deeper understanding, and stronger connections.

If this isn’t your strong suit, now is as good a time as any to start working on it. 

Start by observing how you react during disagreements. Do you tend to raise your voice, or do you stay composed? The essential part is managing your emotions thoughtfully.

There is great power in being mindful of your reactions and continually striving for self-improvement. It’s about becoming the best version of yourself, even when things get tough.