Ever wonder what people really say about you when you’re not in the room?

Most of us would like to think we leave a positive impression, but our actions sometimes tell a different story.

The way we interact with others shapes our reputation in ways we don’t always realize.

It’s easy to slip into certain habits—especially when stressed or distracted—that can make us seem difficult, unapproachable, or even self-centered.

And while these behaviors might go unnoticed by us, they’re often the first things others pick up on.

If you want people to speak highly of you, it’s worth considering how you come across, both in big moments and in small, everyday interactions.

Let’s dive into seven behaviors that could be holding you back from the positive impression you hope to leave behind—and why saying goodbye to them might just change how others see you.

1) Constant negativity

No one likes a downer. Yes, life throws us curveballs, and it’s normal to feel upset or frustrated.

However, constantly dwelling on the negative can be draining for those around you.

A constant stream of complaints, criticisms, or pessimistic viewpoints can leave others feeling drained and anxious.

It’s tough to speak highly of someone who consistently brings the mood down.

If you want people to remember you fondly when you’re not around, it’s time to let go of the negativity.

Try focusing on the positive aspects of life, and share those instead.

You don’t have to ignore problems or pretend everything is perfect.

But do try and choose a more optimistic perspective and spread positivity rather than negativity.

After all, it’s much easier to speak highly of someone who brightens your day.

2) Talking more than listening

It’s easy to fall into the trap of dominating conversations.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’ve been guilty of this.

A few years back, I was catching up with an old friend over coffee.

I was eager to share all my adventures and achievements since we last met.

But halfway through, I noticed a slight disinterest in her expressions.

That’s when it hit me – I’d been talking about myself for the majority of our catch-up, barely giving her the chance to share her own experiences.

Not being a good listener can make you come across as self-centered, even if that’s not your intention.

It’s essential to give others the space to express their thoughts and feelings.

Conversations should be a two-way street.

So, if you want people to speak highly of you when you’re not around, ditch the habit of monopolizing conversations.

Listen more than you speak.

Show genuine interest in what others are saying.

It makes people feel valued and respected, which in turn fosters positive opinions about you.

3) Lack of empathy

In the animal kingdom, humans are unique in their ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

This ability, known as empathy, is a crucial component of effective social interaction.

So, when people lack empathy, it can be quite noticeable.

Whether it’s dismissing someone’s feelings or not considering their perspective, a lack of empathy can leave others feeling unheard and undervalued.

Over time, this can lead to a negative impression.

People always think well of those who make them feel heard and understood.

So strive to demonstrate empathy in your interactions. Show that you understand and respect the feelings of others. 

I must emphasize though — don’t do it for the sake of gaining a favorable reputation.

Do it because it’s the right thing to do. 

4) Being untrustworthy

Trust is one of the most critical elements in any relationship.

If people can’t trust you, it’s unlikely they’ll speak highly of you when you’re not around.

Being untrustworthy can take many forms.

It could mean being dishonest, breaking promises, or betraying someone’s confidence.

These behaviors can quickly damage your reputation and relationships.

If you want to be viewed positively, it’s crucial to be someone others can rely on.

Be honest, keep your promises, and respect the confidentiality of others.

When people know they can trust you, they’re more likely to hold you in high regard and speak well of you in your absence.

5) Being judgmental

I grew up with a perfectionist streak.

I had a certain standard for everything, and without realizing it, I began to apply these standards to those around me.

I judged people for not meeting these standards, sometimes even voicing my thoughts.

Over time, I noticed a distance growing between me and my friends.

It wasn’t until one brave friend confronted me about my judgmental attitude that I understood the impact of my behavior.

I hope you never make this mistake.

Because being judgmental can create a barrier between you and others.

It can make people feel uncomfortable around you, fearing they’ll be criticized or belittled.

Instead, strive to be accepting and understanding of others’ differences.

After all, everyone is unique in their own way and deserves to be respected for who they are.

6) Not respecting boundaries

Everyone has their own set of personal boundaries, and it’s essential to respect these.

Encroaching on someone’s personal space, ignoring their wishes, or constantly pushing them out of their comfort zone can leave a negative impression.

If you consistently disregard others’ boundaries, it can make them feel disrespected and uncomfortable.

This is not the kind of feeling you want people to associate with you when your name comes up in conversation.

To be spoken of highly, it’s crucial to respect others’ boundaries.

This means acknowledging and understanding their comfort zones, wishes, and personal space.

It shows that you value their feelings and well-being, which can go a long way in fostering positive relationships.

7) Lack of humility

If there’s one thing people appreciate, it’s humility.

No matter how talented or accomplished you are, nobody likes a braggart.

Constantly boasting about your achievements can come off as arrogant and off-putting.

Humility, on the other hand, is a trait that’s widely admired. It’s about recognizing that you’re not superior to anyone else, regardless of your accomplishments.

It’s being able to celebrate your successes without belittling others or making them feel inferior.

Not only will this make you more likable, but it will also earn you the respect of those around you.

You won’t have to sing your own praises; others will do it for you. 

Final thoughts

Do you notice a common thread through all these habits?

It’s all about how you make people feel.

As the poet Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

When we let go of behaviors that make others feel small, disregarded, or uncomfortable, we start to build connections that truly resonate.

People might forget specific words or actions, but they’ll remember whether they felt valued, understood, or inspired after interacting with you.