Last week, I met up with someone I’d known for decades, and halfway through our coffee, I found myself checking my watch. Not because I was bored, but because every topic somehow circled back to their complaints, their wisdom, their way of doing things.

It got me thinking about how some people become harder to be around as they age, not through any dramatic personality change, but through small, subtle habits that build up over time. 

Here are nine of those subtle habits that can make people increasingly difficult to be around as they get older.

1. They stop asking genuine questions

Ever notice how some conversations feel more like monologues? As people age, they sometimes forget the art of curiosity. They’ll ask “How are you?” but before you finish answering, they’re already launching into their own story.

This isn’t necessarily ego – it’s often about cognitive patterns becoming more rigid over time. The brain finds comfort in the familiar, making it easier to talk about what we know (ourselves) rather than explore new territory (other people’s experiences).

I caught myself doing this recently. My neighbor mentioned his son’s new job, and instead of asking about it, I immediately jumped into advice-giving mode based on my 35 years in insurance. The conversation died pretty quickly after that.

2. Every story becomes a teaching moment

“When I was your age…”

Sound familiar?

Some people can’t share an experience without turning it into a lesson. They’ve lived through a lot, sure, but not every interaction needs to be educational.

I’d say this habit often stems from a need to feel valued and relevant. But ironically, it achieves the opposite effect, making younger people (and peers) feel talked down to rather than connected with.

3. They become inflexible about small things

The restaurant has to be this one. The route has to be that way. The coffee needs exactly two sugars, not one and three-quarters.

While routines provide comfort and stability, excessive rigidity in daily preferences can make simple social interactions feel like navigating a minefield.

4. They constantly reference “the good old days”

Music was better. People were kinder. Life was simpler. While nostalgia isn’t inherently negative, constant backward-looking comparisons drain the energy from present moments.

Experts note that we tend to remember the past more positively than it actually was – it’s called “rosy retrospection”. But when every current experience gets compared to a rose-tinted memory, it becomes impossible to enjoy anything happening now.

A friend recently pointed out that I’d spent an entire dinner comparing today’s workplace culture to how things were in the ’90s. She was right – I’d completely missed hearing about her exciting new project because I was too busy living in the past.

Related: 10 phrases people with excellent social skills use to make others feel special

5. They dismiss others’ problems as insignificant

“You think that’s bad? Let me tell you about real problems…”

Comparative suffering is a conversation killer. When someone shares a struggle and gets met with dismissal or one-upmanship, they learn pretty quickly not to open up anymore.

I guess this habit often develops from our own unprocessed pain. But regardless of the cause, it creates emotional distance right when connection is needed most.

6. They stop adapting their communication style

Remember when email felt revolutionary? Now imagine insisting everyone should still call you on your landline because “that’s how real conversations happen.”

While preferences are valid, refusing to adapt to how others communicate sends a clear message: my comfort matters more than staying connected with you. This goes beyond technology – it’s about being willing to meet people where they are, whether that’s through texts, video calls, or yes, even social media.

7. They become excessive worriers who vocalize every concern

“Are you sure that’s safe?” “What if something goes wrong?” “I heard on the news that…”

Anxiety often increases with age, partly due to awareness of life’s real dangers. But when every conversation includes a litany of warnings and worst-case scenarios, it becomes emotionally draining for everyone involved.

After my heart scare at 58, I became that person for a while. Every family gathering turned into health warnings and cautionary tales. My kids started avoiding telling me about their plans because they knew they’d get a lecture about everything that could go wrong.

8. They lose the ability to read social cues

The conversation has natural ending points, but they keep going. People are checking phones, shifting in seats, making exit noises – but the stories continue.

The result? Others start limiting interactions to avoid those awkwardly long encounters.

9. They stop celebrating others’ wins

When someone shares good news, they respond with warnings, jealousy, or indifference rather than genuine happiness. “Well, don’t let it go to your head.” “Must be nice.” “That happened to me once too…”

It’s often rooted in our own disappointments, but it quickly teaches people to share their happiness elsewhere.

Final thoughts

Reading through this list might sting a little – I know writing it did. I recognized myself in more than a few of these habits.

The good news? Awareness is the first step to change. These patterns aren’t inevitable or irreversible.

Every day, I try to ask one more genuine question, bite my tongue on one more piece of unsolicited advice, or simply listen without comparing.

You can too.