Is she flirting with me, or is she just being friendly? What if she’s just naturally playful? Is she this touchy with all her friends?

Trying to determine whether a female friend likes you or not can cause a lot of headaches. 

Guessing wrong could lead to an extremely awkward conversation—or, worse, a ruined friendship.

Or a missed opportunity for romance with someone you already have good chemistry with!

Now, there are no hard and fast rules for determining someone’s feelings for you. But there are still patterns of behavior that point to secret feelings in women.

Based on my research—and my personal experience as a woman who succeeded in attracting her male friend—there are 12 subtle signs a woman wants to be more than friends, according to psychology. 

Read on so you don’t embarrass yourself (or miss out on a real-life friends-to-lovers story!)

1) She stays in touch with you

The constant bustle of adult life can make hanging out regularly with friends hard. But a friend who wants to develop a romantic relationship with you will want to maintain a constant presence in your life.

Even if you haven’t seen her in a while, expect her to text or call you fairly often. Or maybe she’ll even post old pics of the both of you on social media while tagging you. Or keeps sending you memes or interesting posts.

And expect her to eventually invite you out, too, if you haven’t seen each other in a long time.

She knows that she needs to do this to have any chance of sparking any romantic emotions in you. After all, the less present someone is in your life, the less probably you are to develop feelings for them, no?

2) She can get a little jealous

In fact, if she loves you, she probably wants to be the biggest presence in your life. And so she may feel a little jealous if you’re hanging out with other women or are making new female friends.

After all, a little jealousy is an inevitable part of attraction.

Because of her jealousy, she might do things like:

• Explicitly ask you if you’re interested in your other female friends;
• Tease you about no longer spending time with her;
• Try to one-up the positive things you say about other female friends;
• Try to ruin their image (it’s toxic, but it happens);
• Divert your attention away from them and towards her if you’re all hanging out together.

3) She’s being flirty

Is she teasing you a lot? Is she complimenting you all the time? Is she touchy? Is she making herself look pretty when you’re together?

Now, this can be incredibly hard to answer. Some people just naturally have a flirty or playful personality.

The chances of her liking you are higher if her flirtiness is intensified when she’s with you compared to how she is with others. Or if she’s only like this with you!

4) She gives you special compliments

Now, of course, complimenting each other is something friends do all the time. So, just because she’s complimenting you mean that she likes you.

However, pay attention to the kind of compliments she gives you. 

Are they about things that usually only couples talk about, like your looks? 

Are they more specific compared to the compliments she offers others? Is her tone of voice sweeter when she compliments compared to when she compliments others?

5) She accepts your attention

On the flip side, some girls aren’t flirty at all. But if they like you, they’ll at least be receptive to it. They won’t shut it down or even start returning some of it.

I still remember when I was trying to get my then-friend-now-lover to develop feelings for me. He commented on how people are sometimes mistaking us for a couple.

If a girl doesn’t like you, she’ll probably say something like “Ew!” or “Yeah, that’d be weird!” or “Ugh, why do people always assume it’s annoying, isn’t it?”

But since little old me was crushing on this man already, I said something along the lines of “Eh, I don’t mind. Let people think what they think.”

6) She’s around you when in a group

If you’re part of a larger friend group, a friend who’s crushing on you will always gravitate towards you.

• She’ll sit or stand near you almost always;
• She’ll look at you more than they look at others;
• She’ll always respond to things you’re saying;
• She’ll redivert the attention back to you if you’ve been cut off;
• She’ll defend you or agree with your opinion if people are disagreeing.

Not only is this fulfilling their desire to be closer to you, but it’s also a way of flirting. After all, we’re more likely to develop feelings for people we are closer to.

Such behavior means that she wants “to interact with you, which gives you an opportunity to develop your relationship under favorable conditions,” Jack Schafer Ph.D. said in his article for Psychology Today.

7) She likes your posts

Another way she’ll make her presence felt constantly is by regularly interacting with your social media pages. After all, we live in the digital age where the lines between real life and social media are slowly getting eroded.

Expect her to like your pictures and react or reply to your comments. She’ll always view your Instagram stories or even watch your TikTok videos.

She’ll keep the compliment train going in the comments of your selfies, too.

In general, she’ll probably act sweeter to you on social media than how she is with her other male friends. You know how girls are constantly hyping each other up on social media?

Yeah, if she likes you, she just might treat you like one of her girlies!

8) She asks for updates about your love life

If she likes you, she’ll probably want to keep herself updated about your love life.

She’ll constantly ask you if you’re still single or if there’s another woman you might be interested in. Sure, topics like these are regular topics of conversation among friends.

However, if she asks with particular regularity or intensity, then something’s up. She always wants to know if she still has a chance!

9) She’s interested in your hobbies

According to psychologist Elinor Greenberg, in her book “Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety,” one of the biggest signs of attraction is taking an interest in somebody’s dreams and passions.

It shows how they want to get to know you on a deeper, more personal level. They’re not content with just hanging out with you every other Saturday.

They want to get into your hobbies so they can do it with you (which means more one-on-one time with you). They’ll probably also try to help you with whatever goals you may have!

10) She’s touchy with you

Most women will tend to keep a firm distance from their male friends, especially in terms of physical contact. We don’t want to give them the wrong idea.

But, if we do like them…Well, you bet we’ll do the exact opposite.

Back when I was still trying to get my boyfriend to like me, I’d do things like:

• Maintaining arm and thigh contact when we’re sitting beside each other;
• Put my hand on his knee;
• Grab onto his arm when we’re walking together;
• Give him extra tight hugs;
• Touch his shoulder if he makes me laugh;
• Play with his hair;
• Lean on his shoulder.

If she does even at least a couple of these things, there’s a damn good chance she wants you!

11) She’s paying attention to you

If she has eyes for you, then she only has eyes for you. If you’re part of a big group, a girl who likes you will devote most of her attention to you.

She’ll listen closely when you’re talking and even get upset if others aren’t listening to you. She just won’t pay attention to you; she’ll want to let you know that she is paying attention to you.

She’ll comment on the things you’re doing if you’re all doing an activity. She’ll also ask for your help to make you feel like needed and wanted.

Essentially, she wants your attention, too, so she’ll make sure you know that you have hers.

12) She’ll try to make you jealous

Now, this isn’t the healthiest or the most mature thing to do, but some girls still do this. They’ll try to reverse psychology their way into your heart and make you fall in love by making you jealous.

For example, she might tell you about her past boyfriends or other parts of her dating history. She’ll probably humblebrag about how awesome of a girlfriend she is, hoping to make you want her as a girlfriend.

Or, she’ll pretend to have crushes on other boys.

By doing this, she’s trying to gauge your reaction as well.

If you act supportive of her, then she’ll get the message that you really just see her as a friend. But if, for example, you’re warning her about other guys, then she’ll think that she has a chance with you.

Wrapping up

Now that you have a better idea of how girls act, you’re more informed about making a decision.

Do you try to ask her out? Or do you play it safe?

However, regardless of how she acts right now, remember that everyone is different. It’s totally possible for a woman to not like you even if she displays the behaviors here.

So, if you want to take your chance, keep in mind that it’s still a risk. Be prepared for anything that might happen.