10 situations in life where you should just walk away, according to psychology
There are plenty of times in life when persistent and perseverance are the answer.
When it’s very hard and confusing, there are situations where you need to power through.
But the opposite can also be the case.
There are certain situations where you are best off walking away and calling it quits, even if it can feel tempting to try again.
Here are the times when psychology advises you to walk away.
1) Toxic relationships
When a relationship has become deeply toxic and nothing is changing, it’s time to walk away.
Therapy has been tried, communication and patience have been tried, self-examination and compromise have been tried:
They didn’t work.
The reason to walk away isn’t just that things are difficult or upsetting, it’s that staying in a toxic relationship can have spillover harmful effects in your life for years into the future and on other important bonds in your life.
“Having a toxic person ignore your boundaries can not only lead to a breakdown of trust in your relationship but can also cause you not to trust others in your life,” points out therapist and author Stephanie A. Sarkis, PhD.
2) Abusive jobs
The next situation in life where you should put on your walking shoes is an abusive job:
Most people have times when their job isn’t going the way they’d like and they’re downright exhausted.
There may be conflicts or issues with coworkers, superiors or business partners going on as well.
But an abusive job is above and beyond this level of problem:
This is when a job has become so exploitative of your time, energy and well-being that it’s directly and seriously harming your mental or physical health.
Your attempts to improve the job or address the concerns haven’t worked.
Now is the time to leave, if at all possible, or actively and urgently seek new work.
3) Irreconcilable conflicts
Conflicts are an inevitable part of life.
But when a disagreement, conflict or fight has become so ongoing, permanent and insoluble that zero progress is being made?
Put distance between you and whatever person or situation can’t be worked on any more.
Focus on your own life.
At some points a disagreement goes past the point of being solved, especially when agreeing or compromising with somebody else will mean giving up a core part of who you are or your dream in life.
At such times, there can be no option but to leave.
As Florian Znaniecki points out in The Laws of Social Psychology: “The obstacle which cannot be overcome except by sacrificing the fulfillment of another action is thus an axiological obstacle, not a mere technical difficulty.”
4) Lack of respect and basic freedom
When your basic freedom has been limited and you are met with an ongoing lack of respect, it’s time to head for the wings:
Whether it’s a job, a friendship, a romantic relationship or a short-term interaction like making a purchase, when you’re being controlled, pressured and pushed around, you don’t need to stand for it.
You can leave.
Put your foot down and let the other party know that you aren’t amenable to being mistreated or having your basic freedom of choice undercut.
You’ll make your own decisions and walk your own path.
Which leads me to the next point…
5) Manipulation and gaslighting
When you’re involved in a toxic situation with manipulation and gaslighting, it’s best just to leave.
The problem with narcissistic and manipulative people is that any interaction you give them tends to be twisted:
Try to be more empathetic and they just use it against you.
Try to be honest about how you feel or what’s going on with you, and they try to weaponize your vulnerability against you.
It tends to be a lose-lose battle. One you are best off leaving as soon as possible.
“Toxic people often manipulate others, including gaslighting their victims,” notes Sarkis. “This psychological abuse can leave you questioning your sanity, increasing anxiety and decreasing self-esteem.”
6) Unfair treatment and prejudice
When you’re being treated unfairly due to the prejudices of another person, that’s a time to walk away.
Criticism and conflict due to actual misunderstandings or constructive feedback are one thing:
But being unfairly judged for who you are or aspects of your identity that aren’t your choice is wrong.
When it’s happening to you, it can be tempting to engage and try to change somebody’s view of you. But this is a war that’s not worth fighting:
Because whatever prejudice somebody else has and won’t let go of is their burden to carry, not yours.
It’s usually best if you just let them stew in their own misery.
7) When core needs aren’t met
Core needs such as the need for love and acceptance or the need for safety are non-negotiable.
When a relationship or connection has consistently failed to deliver on your core needs or has left you with wounds that are still raw, it’s best to put some distance between you and the situation causing the pain.
Therapist Brad Brenner, PhD. remarks insightfully on this, noting that “past experiences and feelings can leave you with emotional needs that, even after decades, have never been met.”
While there may be room to go deeper into these issues, face your shadow and deal with the internal aspect of unmet needs, it’s important not to gaslight yourself.
When a person or situation is leaving you out in the cold, sometimes it’s up to you to return the favor and find people who appreciate you more.
8) Addictive behaviors endangering others
When you’re around a person struggling with addiction, the last thing you’d ever want to do is leave:
If you care for them and are concerned for them you want to be by their side.
It’s important never to abandon somebody struggling with addiction, of course.
But it’s also important not to take the entire weight on your shoulders or refuse to enforce boundaries.
When addictive behaviors are putting your life in danger, it’s time to have an intervention involving professionals.
A person’s addiction that is leading to crime, self-harm or behaviors that are putting you or your family in danger are not something you should be responsible for.
This is a situation where it’s best to step back and let professionals take charge.
Addiction can kill. Don’t let it take you down with it.
9) Repeated broken promises and commitments
Almost everybody in our lives will break a promise a time or two.
It may be something small or it could be something big, but we all eventually learn to recognize people’s flaws and forgive them as best we can.
However when somebody close to you breaks promises and commitments over and over for years, it’s best to walk away.
Not doing so will tend to negatively impact your life and harm you in manifold ways.
As clinical psychologist Randi Gunther, PhD. explains: “There are multiple levels of broken promises that create different reactions in different people.
Some can be potential deal breakers, like repeated addictive escapes, infidelities, or anything else that is hidden from the other partner and might risk his or her consent were it to be known.”
10) Constant drama and gossip
If you’re around people or a person who’s constantly involved in drama or gossipping, it can be tempting to make excuses for them or do your best to overlook it.
But the long-term effects of giving a pass to toxic behavior are very damaging indeed.
Repeated toxic and offensive behavior takes its toll on your mental and physical health and will have a deleterious effect on you and those around you.
It’s best to put daylight between you and the source of drama-seeking or negative gossipping behavior.
“When any disappointing or offensive behavior happens repeatedly, it can become a problem,” points out Gunther.
“Forgiveness can become less automatic when behavior doesn’t change.”
Just walk away…
When the above situations are occurring, it’s in your best interest to just walk away.
When walking away is not an option, self-care becomes a must.
It’s also crucial to establish boundaries and stick to them when situations and people are infringing on your well-being.
When possible, exit the situation:
When this is not possible, remove your mental and emotional involvement in the situation and the problems of others that they try to get you to take on as your own.