Ever scroll through social media in December and wonder how everyone affords their picture-perfect holidays?

I used to think I was behind because I wasn’t doing elaborate Elf on the Shelf scenarios or booking ski trips over winter break. Then I realized something: what some families consider “normal” holiday traditions come with price tags that would make most people’s jaws drop.

Upper-income Americans now spend about 80 percent more on holiday gifts than middle-income families, according to Gallup. And that’s just gifts. When you factor in all the “traditions” that have become expectations in certain circles, the numbers get wild.

Let’s talk about ten holiday habits that upper-middle-class families treat as normal but are actually huge financial commitments most people can’t swing.

1) Multiple luxury advent calendars

Remember when advent calendars had cheap chocolate behind each door?

Those still exist, but in upper-middle-class households, you’re more likely to find advent calendars that cost hundreds of dollars. We’re talking beauty product calendars from brands like Dior ($496), jewelry calendars from Missoma (£395), or even mezcal-themed calendars that go for $999.

And here’s the kicker: it’s not just one calendar per family. Kids get their own, mom gets a skincare or makeup one, dad might have a whiskey or coffee version.

When a single advent calendar costs more than what many families spend on all their Christmas gifts combined, we’re not exactly talking about a universal tradition. But in certain social circles, showing up to a holiday gathering without having ordered the “it” advent calendar of the year feels like missing the memo.

2) Professional family photo shoots for holiday cards

I’ll be honest, I thought getting professional holiday photos was just what families did. Then I moved in with Sarah and realized her family takes their own with a phone timer.

Sessions for holiday cards can easily run $300 to $800, depending on your area. That doesn’t include coordinating outfits (because everyone needs to match or complement each other), the prints, or the fancy cardstock for mailing.

Some families go even further with themed shoots or location fees. The whole production can hit four figures before you’ve sent a single card.

For those in certain income brackets, this is just “what you do” in November. For everyone else, a phone photo or skipping cards entirely is the actual norm.

3) Winter holiday getaways

“Where are you going for the holidays?” is a question that assumes everyone is going somewhere.

In certain circles, it’s common to ski in the Alps over Christmas break or escape to the Caribbean between Christmas and New Year’s. Some families have “the cabin we always go to” or “our usual resort.”

The average family of four in this bracket spends around $35,000 per year on travel, according to financial planners. A significant chunk goes to holiday trips framed as “tradition” rather than luxury.

My friend Marcus grew up thinking it was weird that my family stayed home for Christmas. His family spent every December 26th through January 2nd in Park City. To him, that was normal. To most people, that’s a massive expense.

4) Elaborate Elf on the Shelf productions

The Elf on the Shelf started as a simple hide-and-seek game with a doll.

Now? It’s become a full-blown competition on social media. Parents spend hours creating elaborate scenes: elves zip-lining across the kitchen, “baking” miniature cookies, or recreating movie scenes with props.

Some families buy entire accessory kits that cost $50 to $100. Others hire photographers to capture their elf setups. Yes, really.

The pressure to outdo last year’s elf antics or keep up with what other families are posting has turned what was meant to be a fun tradition into an arms race of creativity and disposable income.

5) Curated holiday experiences instead of “just” gifts

“We don’t do gifts, we do experiences” sounds enlightened until you realize those experiences often cost more than a pile of presents ever would.

Affluent families tend to frame trips around curated experiences like cooking classes with Michelin-starred chefs or private museum tours.

For the holidays, this might mean booking the whole family for a weekend at a luxury resort with “complimentary” (read: included in your $2,000 per night rate) gingerbread house making classes and visits from Santa.

Or it’s tickets to The Nutcracker with pre-show dinner at a nice restaurant, followed by hot chocolate at that trendy place downtown. One evening can easily hit $500 for a family of four.

These experiences are lovely, don’t get me wrong. But they’re also a form of spending that gets reframed as “making memories” rather than acknowledged as the significant financial outlay they actually are.

6) Designer holiday outfits for every event

Here’s something I noticed at Sarah’s company holiday party: about half the kids were in $200 velvet dresses or miniature suits from boutique brands.

Holiday season comes with a full wardrobe in some households. There’s the outfit for the neighborhood party, the one for family photos, the one for Christmas Eve service, the one for actual Christmas morning, and maybe another for New Year’s.

Adults aren’t exempt either. New holiday party outfits, ugly Christmas sweaters that cost $80 (but ironically, so it’s okay), and accessories to match every event add up fast.

When you’re dropping $100+ per person for multiple holiday outfits, you’re not in “normal” territory anymore. But in certain circles, showing up in the same outfit twice is somehow a bigger faux pas than the spending itself.

7) Extravagant neighborhood light displays

My childhood neighborhood had a few houses with lights. Sarah’s parents’ neighborhood has houses with professional installation companies that spend days setting up synchronized light shows.

Professional holiday light installation can cost anywhere from $500 for a basic setup to $5,000+ for the elaborate displays you see going viral on TikTok. Some families drop serious money on new inflatables, projectors, or light features every year.

In wealthier neighborhoods, there’s an unspoken pressure to keep up. When three houses on your street have professional displays, your string of drugstore lights starts to look sad.

The wildest part? These families genuinely don’t see it as showing off. It’s just “being festive” and “contributing to the neighborhood spirit.”

8) Catered holiday gatherings

I remember the first time I went to a holiday party at a friend’s house and realized they’d hired caterers for Christmas Eve dinner. Not a restaurant order—full-service caterers.

For families hosting multiple holiday events, hiring help (catering, bartending, even setup and cleanup crews) is increasingly common in certain circles. A catered holiday dinner can easily cost $100 to $200 per person.

Some families also hire bakers for dozens of decorated cookies, specialty cake companies for elaborate dessert tables, or sommeliers to select and serve wine.

When hosting a holiday gathering costs what many families spend on rent, we’ve moved way past “normal” entertaining. But in certain socioeconomic bubbles, paying someone else to handle your hosting is just practical time management.

9) Matching family holiday pajamas (designer versions)

Matching family pajamas are cute, and the concept itself isn’t expensive. You can get matching PJs at Target or Old Navy for reasonable prices.

But in upper-middle-class families, we’re talking about designer matching sets from brands like The Company Store or Lake Pajamas, where a family of four can easily spend $400 to $600 on one set of Christmas jammies.

Then there’s a photo shoot in said pajamas (see point #2), often including the dog in a matching bandana. The photos go on the holiday cards, social media, and sometimes even framed in the house.

The matching pajama photo op has become such a status marker that the brands you choose matter. It’s not enough to match, you need to match expensively.

10) Multiple holiday trips to see extended family

Here’s one that seems normal until you do the math.

Families with relatives in different cities or states often fly the whole crew to multiple destinations during the holiday season. Thanksgiving in Texas, Christmas in California, New Year’s in Colorado.

According to research, many middle-class families are going into debt for a single vacation. Meanwhile, some families are booking three or four trips between November and January like it’s nothing.

When I mentioned to a coworker that my family stayed put for Christmas, she looked confused. “Don’t you want to see your family?” She genuinely didn’t understand that some people can’t afford to fly their family of four across the country multiple times in six weeks.

For some families, spending $2,000 to $5,000 on holiday travel is as automatic as buying groceries. For most people, that’s a crushing expense they either go into debt for or simply can’t do.

Rounding things off

None of these traditions are inherently bad. Creating memories with your family is valuable, and if you can afford elaborate holiday celebrations, more power to you.

The problem is when expensive traditions get normalized to the point where they stop feeling like privileges and start feeling like expectations.

Social media has made this worse. When your feed is full of professional family photos, luxury advent calendars, and vacation posts from Aspen, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing at the holidays when you’re actually just operating with a realistic budget.

The real “normal” is a lot more modest than Instagram would have you believe. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Here’s to keeping the holidays about what actually matters without bankrupting ourselves in the process.