There’s a fine line between influence and manipulation, and it often boils down to intent.

Manipulation, unlike influence, is all about controlling others in a deceptive way. It’s about playing mind games, and folks who’ve mastered this art have their own unique language.

I’ve picked up on 10 phrases that are common amongst these master manipulators. If you hear these in a conversation, it’s a clear sign you’re dealing with someone who’s playing mind games.

Let’s get started. 

1) “I’m not trying to be difficult…”

In the world of manipulation, there’s an art to being obstructionist without seeming to be.

Master manipulators often use phrases like “I’m not trying to be difficult…” as a preface to their demands or disagreements. It’s a calculated move designed to put the listener on the defensive.

By framing their objection as something they’re being ‘forced’ into, the manipulator can maintain their stance without appearing unreasonable. It’s a slick move that often goes unnoticed.

This phrase is a classic example of psychological manipulation and is frequently used by those skilled at playing mind games.

The key is to recognize this tactic for what it is – a diversionary strategy designed to shift focus away from the manipulator’s resistance and onto the perceived inflexibility of others.

2) “You’re too sensitive”

Ah, the classic gaslighting phrase! I still remember the first time I encountered this in a conversation.

I was discussing a concern I had about a project with a colleague. I noticed that he seemed dismissive of my concerns, and when I pointed this out, he responded with, “You’re just being too sensitive.”

At first, it made me question my own judgment. Was I being overly sensitive? Was my concern unwarranted? But then I realized what was happening – he was trying to make me doubt my own feelings and perceptions.

His use of the phrase “You’re too sensitive” was an attempt to negate my concerns and shift the blame onto me for feeling this way. Instead of addressing the issue, he turned it into a personal flaw of mine.

This is a classic mind game tactic. If you ever hear this phrase in a conversation, be aware that the person using it might be trying to manipulate you into doubting your own feelings and perceptions.

3) “Don’t you trust me?”

“Trust me” is a phrase that’s often used to build confidence and rapport. However, when presented as a question – “Don’t you trust me?” – it takes on a different, more manipulative tone.

This phrase is designed to put the listener in a difficult position. If you say no, you’re accusing the speaker of being untrustworthy. If you say yes, you’re potentially ignoring your instincts and opening yourself up to manipulation.

People who are deceitful tend to use trust-related language more frequently. This is because they are aware of their deceit and feel the need to convince others of their trustworthiness.

If someone uses this phrase in a conversation, it could be a sign that they’re trying to play mind games with you.

4) “I don’t remember saying that”

This phrase is a classic move in the manipulator’s playbook. By claiming forgetfulness, the person is able to sidestep responsibility for their words or actions.

It’s a cunning way to create doubt in your mind and to evade accountability. If they “don’t remember,” it’s your word against theirs, and this ambiguity can cause you to question your own memory.

Moreover, it allows them to dismiss any criticism or confrontation without having to address the issue at hand. In essence, they’re saying, “If I don’t remember it, it didn’t happen.”

5) “I was just joking”

Humor can be a powerful tool in conversation. It can diffuse tension, build rapport and make difficult topics easier to discuss. But in the hands of a manipulator, it can also be used as a smokescreen for insulting or hurtful comments.

“I was just joking” is a phrase often used by manipulators to disguise their digs or criticisms. By passing off their offensive comments as jokes, they can say what they want without having to deal with the consequences.

If you react negatively, they can make you out to be someone who can’t take a joke, shifting the blame onto you and away from their own inappropriate behavior.

6) “No one else has a problem with it”

This phrase is a double-edged sword of manipulation. It not only invalidates your feelings or concerns but also isolates you, making you feel like you’re the only one with this issue.

I’ve seen this tactic used in various situations, from personal relationships to professional environments, and it never fails to tug at the heartstrings. You’re left feeling alone with your problem, questioning whether your concern is valid at all.

It’s a way for the manipulator to avoid addressing the issue at hand and instead focus on making you feel like an outlier. The message is clear: “If no one else has a problem with it, then the problem must be you.”

7) “You’re overreacting”

I once had a friend who would use this phrase every time we had a disagreement. It didn’t matter if the issue was big or small, her go-to line was always, “You’re overreacting.”

Over time, I began to second-guess my emotions and reactions to things. I started to wonder if I was indeed overreacting, or if my feelings were justified. This self-doubt created an imbalance in our relationship, giving her the upper hand.

This phrase is a classic manipulation tactic. By telling you that you’re overreacting, the manipulator diminishes your feelings and makes your concerns seem trivial. It’s a way for them to gain control and steer the conversation in their favor.

8) “I’m sorry you feel that way”

On the surface, this might seem like an apology, but it’s far from it. This phrase is a subtle form of manipulation that shifts the blame from the manipulator’s actions to your feelings about them.

Instead of acknowledging their mistake and apologizing for it, they’re expressing regret over your reaction. It’s a clever way of avoiding responsibility and maintaining innocence.

The message embedded in this phrase is: “It’s not what I’ve done that’s wrong, it’s your reaction to it.”

9) “I would never do that to you”

This phrase is a master manipulator’s favorite tool. It’s a way to reassure you and allay your fears while subtly suggesting that you’re being unreasonable.

It’s a pre-emptive strike designed to shut down any accusations before they occur. By saying “I would never do that to you,” they’re making it harder for you to voice your suspicions or concerns in the future.

The underlying message is: “How could you even think I could do something like that?”

But remember, actions speak louder than words. If the person’s behavior doesn’t match up with their assurances, it’s a clear indication they might be playing mind games.

10) “It’s for your own good”

This is arguably the most dangerous phrase in the manipulator’s arsenal. By claiming their actions or decisions are for your benefit, they justify their behavior and leave little room for argument.

But here’s a key thing to remember: No one else has the right to decide what’s good for you. That decision lies solely with you.

If someone is frequently using this phrase to justify their actions, it’s a strong indication they’re not just playing mind games, but attempting to control your decisions and actions under the guise of concern. That’s not just manipulation – it’s a violation of your autonomy.