Living in New York City, it’s hard not to observe a wide variety of personalities — from the warm-hearted neighbor who checks in on you to the unapologetic braggart who can’t stop talking about their own accomplishments. In a place bursting at the seams with diversity, I’ve noticed the signs of self-absorption are surprisingly universal. Psychologists have researched this trait for decades, often linking it to characteristics of narcissism and a lack of empathy. From Sigmund Freud’s explorations of the ego to modern social psychologists who investigate egocentric tendencies, the consensus remains: Self-absorbed behavior is all about centering oneself above others.

But what does self-absorption sound like in everyday conversation? Let’s delve into eight phrases that can reveal a self-absorbed personality, explore why they’re problematic, and tie them to concepts in psychology. These behaviors can be subtle, but once you spot them, you’ll understand why they can be so harmful to building genuine, harmonious relationships.

1. “I’m always right.”

This phrase screams inflexibility. Individuals who proclaim this with unwavering confidence are often unwilling to consider perspectives that differ from their own. From a psychological standpoint, this can be seen as an external expression of an inflated ego. Sigmund Freud famously introduced the concept of the ego as part of the psyche that mediates between the id (our primal desires) and the superego (our moral compass). When someone habitually insists they’re “always right,” it suggests a strong ego unwilling to compromise or adapt.

Such a rigid attitude can prevent meaningful dialogue and shut down opportunities for growth. It’s one thing to be confident in your opinions, but it’s quite another to assume infallibility. While self-assurance can be healthy, an unwavering belief in one’s own correctness can discourage learning and strain relationships.

2. “Enough about you; let’s talk about me.”

This phrase, sometimes delivered in jest but often genuinely meant, is a hallmark sign of self-absorption. When someone uses a statement like this, they prioritize the conversation spotlight on themselves. They may momentarily show interest in others, only to pivot back to their own experiences or achievements.

Carl Rogers, a psychologist known for his person-centered approach, emphasized the importance of empathy — genuinely understanding and sharing the feelings of another. A self-absorbed person tends to do the opposite, showing little curiosity or compassion for the lives of others. They may fake listening but quickly redirect the conversation to themselves, leading to a one-sided dynamic that can feel disheartening to those on the receiving end.

3. “You should appreciate me more.”

Self-absorbed individuals crave admiration and recognition. The moment they feel the conversation is veering away from their achievements, they’ll try to steer it back with a phrase like this. Psychologists often highlight that this desire for constant attention aligns with traits of narcissism. In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), narcissistic tendencies are associated with an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a constant need for praise.

When someone demands more appreciation, it often comes from a need for external validation. True confidence, however, rarely requires fishing for compliments or imposing a sense of indebtedness on others.

4. “I don’t have time for this.”

While sometimes a practical statement, in the hands of a self-absorbed person, this phrase becomes a way to dismiss anything they deem unworthy of their attention. Whether it’s hearing someone else’s problems or engaging in tasks that don’t directly benefit them, they’ll cut it short with this abrupt dismissal.

Abraham Maslow, known for his hierarchy of needs, suggested that self-actualized individuals demonstrate empathy and understanding. In contrast, an inflated sense of self-importance can lead to a disregard for others’ time and emotions. By saying, “I don’t have time for this,” the person signals that only their own priorities matter, belittling the feelings or needs of others in the process.

5. “That’s not my problem.”

Closely related to the previous point, “That’s not my problem” is a common dismissal tactic. It conveys a lack of empathy — if it doesn’t directly affect them, they couldn’t care less.

A well-known quote often attributed to Carl Jung is, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.” This suggests that empathy arises from the understanding of our own struggles.

When a self-absorbed individual says, “That’s not my problem,” they highlight an unwillingness to relate or extend support. It shows an emotional wall, blocking any attempt at genuine connection or compassion.

6. “I deserve better than this.”

Everyone has moments when they feel underappreciated or disrespected. However, a self-absorbed person might wield this statement more frequently than most, often out of a profound sense of entitlement. Psychologically speaking, entitlement is a core trait of narcissism, where the individual believes they merit special treatment.

While knowing your worth is healthy, constantly claiming you “deserve better” can foster resentment in relationships and create an environment of constant dissatisfaction. The repeated insinuation is that the world is failing to meet one’s standards — a surefire way to alienate friends, family, and colleagues who may feel they can never measure up.

7. “People are just jealous of me.”

Blaming negative feedback or interpersonal conflicts on others’ supposed envy is a classic sign of self-absorption. By insisting everyone else is “jealous,” the self-absorbed person deflects responsibility for their own actions and attitudes. Social psychologist Roy Baumeister’s research often highlights the role of self-esteem in our interactions; while healthy self-esteem allows room for introspection, inflated self-esteem shuts down any self-critical reflection.

By defaulting to “They’re just jealous,” the individual avoids acknowledging they might have made mistakes or behaved inconsiderately. It’s a defensive maneuver that keeps them from tackling their own flaws or engaging in meaningful self-improvement.

8. “I’m too busy” (when they’re not)

In our modern, fast-paced world, everyone is juggling responsibilities. However, someone who frequently proclaims, “I’m too busy,” without genuinely being so, may be self-absorbed. They invoke this phrase to dodge social obligations or to appear more important than they are.

Portraying oneself as always occupied can serve as a status symbol — a modern form of humblebrag. But truly busy people don’t necessarily advertise it. When someone repeatedly claims they’re far too occupied, they might be subtly communicating that their schedule, their projects, and their concerns trump everyone else’s. It can be a way to assert social dominance or extract sympathy without taking into account others’ busy lives.

Why These Phrases Matter

While any of these phrases might slip out from time to time (we’re all human), it’s the pattern that truly matters. Self-absorbed individuals consistently center themselves, prioritize their own agendas, and disregard the experiences of others. Relationships become one-sided, and communication breaks down.

Psychologists like Erich Fromm have long argued that true well-being comes from meaningful connections and empathy for others. The capacity to step outside our own bubbles and genuinely listen, care, and share in another person’s experience is a key indicator of emotional intelligence. When we observe these phrases cropping up time and time again, it’s a sign that a deeper issue with empathy and self-perception could be at play.

Moving Towards Authenticity and Connection

One of the best antidotes to self-absorption is curiosity — genuine curiosity about other people’s lives, passions, and challenges. Ask questions and practice active listening. If you find yourself (or someone close to you) using these phrases often, consider it a gentle nudge to reflect. Are you shutting down conversations? Are you demanding attention and admiration without reciprocation?

As a New Yorker immersed in a bustling social scene, I’ve found that the most rewarding connections happen when people share real conversation, mutual understanding, and an interest that goes beyond the self. Dropping self-absorbed habits isn’t always easy — it requires self-awareness and humility. But the reward is profound: deeper friendships, more supportive relationships, and the peaceful realization that you’re part of a larger human tapestry.

By recognizing these eight telling phrases and the psychological concepts behind them, we can consciously move toward a kinder, more empathetic way of interacting. After all, true confidence and lasting relationships blossom when we escape the echo chamber of “me, me, me” and embrace the chorus of “us.”