The concept of self-love has become a popular topic of discussion lately. It’s thrown around casually in conversations, often associated with self-care rituals and affirmations. But the reality is, many people misunderstand what true self-love means.

 Genuine self-love is about recognizing our inherent worth and treating ourselves with kindness and respect.

However, there are certain behaviors that signal a lack of self-love. In my journey, I’ve come across eight common patterns that reveal a misunderstanding or absence of self-love.

Let’s delve into what these behaviors are and how they manifest in our lives.

1) Seeking validation from others

It’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted. However, when you start seeking validation from external sources, you’re essentially giving up your power and self-worth to others.

This is a common behavior of people who haven’t fully grasped the concept of self-love. They tend to base their self-esteem on the opinions and approval of others, rather than finding it within themselves. This constant need for approval can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety.

I’ve learned that true self-love means recognizing your own worth and not allowing it to be dictated by others’ perceptions. It’s about trusting in your abilities, celebrating your achievements, and acknowledging your shortcomings without judgment.

Resist the urge to look for validation outside yourself. Embrace your individuality and worthiness.

2) Ignoring personal boundaries

When we don’t value ourselves enough, we tend to ignore our personal boundaries. We say ‘yes’ when we really want to say ‘no’, and let others overstep our limits. This can be emotionally draining and can cause resentment over time.

Ignoring personal boundaries is a sign of not loving oneself enough. It’s about not respecting your own needs, feelings, and desires. By setting and enforcing boundaries, we create a space for self-respect and self-love.

I’ve found that establishing boundaries and sticking to them has been key in my journey of self-love. It’s involved some uncomfortable conversations and decisions, but it’s been worth it to respect myself and my needs.

As author Brené Brown wisely said, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others”. 

3) Being trapped in societal conditioning

One of the common behaviors of people who lack self-love is that they remain trapped in societal conditioning. They conform to societal norms and expectations, often at the expense of their own happiness and authenticity.

This was something I grappled with and it’s what led me to co-produce the “Free Your Mind” masterclass with shaman Rudá Iandê. This masterclass is a transformative journey designed to help you overcome limiting beliefs and societal conditioning, fostering a sense of freedom and authenticity.

In this masterclass, Rudá guides you through exercises that dismantle common myths and pitfalls in the spiritual world. You’ll learn how to develop your personal cosmovision, free yourself from mental and cultural conditioning, and avoid spiritual manipulation.

By aligning your thoughts and actions with your personal values, you can improve your mental clarity and emotional resilience. This proactive approach promotes personal growth and a deeper understanding of oneself.

Don’t let societal conditioning hold you back from embracing your true nature. Check out the masterclass and start your journey towards mental and emotional liberation. 

4) Letting guilt and self-doubt take over

This often stems from societal conditioning that makes us believe we are not good enough, not talented enough, or simply not worthy.

These feelings of guilt and self-doubt can be crippling. They can keep us trapped in a cycle of negative self-talk and prevent us from living our lives authentically. It’s important to remember that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes. It’s part of being human.

The key is to learn from these experiences, to grow from them, rather than allowing them to hold us back. True self-love involves accepting ourselves, warts and all, and understanding that our worth does not diminish because of our mistakes or imperfections.

Remember: You are more than your doubts and your mistakes. When was the last time you reminded yourself of this truth?

5) Neglecting physical well-being

While self-love may seem like a purely emotional and psychological concept, it’s deeply intertwined with our physical well-being.

People who struggle with self-love often neglect their physical health, not realizing that the body and mind are interlinked.

It can be easy to ignore our bodies, prioritizing other aspects of life like work, relationships, or even our digital existence. But your body is your vessel in this world. Treating it with care and respect is a significant part of practicing self-love.

This includes nourishing it with healthy foods, giving it the rest it needs, and engaging in regular physical activity. When we treat our bodies well, we are better equipped to handle stress, think clearly, and live in alignment with our deepest values.

Your body deserves your attention and care. It is not an afterthought or a burden but an integral part of your being. Treat it with love and respect. 

6) Living in the past or future

A common behavior of those lacking in self-love is being stuck in the past or constantly worrying about the future. This means they’re not fully present and engaged with the life happening right now.

Past regrets, mistakes, or traumas can cast a long shadow over our lives if we let them. Similarly, anxiety about the future can rob us of peace in the present moment. However, true self-love requires us to live in the here and now.

It’s about accepting our past without letting it define us, and planning for the future without allowing it to consume us. It’s about embracing the present moment with all its beauty and imperfections.

Remember, no amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worry can change the future. Live in the moment.

7) Comparing oneself with others

The comparison trap is another common behavior among those who don’t understand what self-love truly means. In a world of social media where everyone’s lives seem perfect, it’s easy to fall into comparing ourselves with others.

But comparing ourselves to others only leads to feelings of inadequacy and unhappiness. It distracts us from appreciating our own worth and achievements.

True self-love means recognizing that we are unique individuals on our own path. It means celebrating our progress, no matter how small, and not measuring our worth by someone else’s standards.

You are enough just as you are.

8) Suppressing emotions

Many people who lack self-love tend to suppress their emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones like anger, sadness, or fear. They believe that showing these emotions is a sign of weakness.

However, suppressing emotions is unhealthy and can lead to emotional instability or even physical illness. True self-love means acknowledging all our emotions, both positive and negative. It’s about giving ourselves permission to feel and express these emotions in a healthy way.

Embrace your emotions, they are a part of you. Suppressing them is denying a part of yourself. Allow yourself to feel.

Embracing authentic self-love

By understanding these behaviors, we can start to address them, replacing them with practices that foster authentic self-love and respect.

From seeking external validation to suppressing emotions, these behaviors can keep us trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and negativity. Breaking free from this cycle requires recognizing our inherent worth, honoring our personal boundaries, and treating our physical and emotional well-being with care.

For those ready to take the next step in their journey towards self-love, I strongly recommend the “Free Your Mind” masterclass with Rudá Iandê. This masterclass, which I had the privilege of co-producing, is designed to help you overcome limiting beliefs and societal conditioning.

Rudá guides participants through exercises that dismantle common spiritual myths, develop personal cosmovision, and overcome self-imposed limitations. This journey fosters mental clarity and emotional resilience, aligning thoughts and actions with personal values.

Joining this masterclass will provide you with the tools to create a fulfilling and authentic life deeply rooted in self-love.

Embrace your true self, learn to love who you are unconditionally. Start now.