There’s a subtle balance between being authentically kind and having low self-esteem.

Often, those who are genuinely kind-hearted also struggle with their self-image, unknowingly displaying certain behaviors that reflect their low self-esteem.

Being kind doesn’t necessarily mean you’re always confident. And it’s fascinating to notice that there are certain behaviors that people with kindness and low self-esteem commonly exhibit.

So let’s delve into the world of these amazing individuals. Here are seven behaviors that genuinely kind people with low self-esteem usually display, without even realizing it.

1) Constant apologizing

Kindness and low self-esteem can often lead to a pattern of constant apologizing.

People who are genuinely kind-hearted have a heightened sense of empathy. They feel strongly for others and, as a result, often go out of their way to ensure they don’t cause any discomfort. This, coupled with low self-esteem, can sometimes result in excessive apologizing.

Imagine this. You’re in a room with someone who is always the first to say sorry, even when it’s not necessary. They apologize for things they have no control over or for tiny mishaps that anyone could easily overlook.

This behavior comes from a place of wanting to maintain peace and avoid conflict. But it also stems from a fear of not being good enough, or feeling like they’re always at fault.

It’s a behavior that’s usually displayed without realizing it, an automatic response ingrained from years of self-doubt and the desire to keep everyone around them comfortable.

2) Downplaying accomplishments

Another familiar trait among those who are genuinely kind but have low self-esteem is the tendency to downplay their own achievements.

Take me, for example.

A few years back, I wrote a book. It was a long, arduous process and when it was finally published, it sold quite well. But every time someone complimented me on it, I’d just shrug it off. I’d say things like, “Oh, it’s not a big deal,” or “Anyone could have done it.”

Looking back, I realize that this was a classic sign of my low self-esteem at the time. Despite the hard work and effort I had put into my book, I found it hard to take credit for my success.

This behavior often stems from a fear of appearing arrogant or being perceived as seeking attention. People with low self-esteem who are also kind-hearted often struggle to accept praise, choosing instead to downplay their accomplishments as a way to keep themselves grounded and avoid conflict.

3) Difficulty accepting compliments

In the realm of psychology, there’s a term known as “rejection sensitivity“. It’s a cognitive-affective processing disposition that predisposes individuals to anxiously expect, readily perceive, and overreact to social rejection.

Now, why am I bringing this up?

Well, rejection sensitivity plays a significant role in how people with low self-esteem react to compliments. Instead of seeing them as positive affirmations, they might perceive them as insincere or manipulative. Hence, they struggle to accept them graciously.

People who are genuinely kind but have low self-esteem might respond to compliments with self-deprecating humor or outright denial, often dismissing the compliment as an overstatement or misunderstanding. This behavior is not a conscious choice but a knee-jerk reaction driven by their underlying insecurities and fears.

4) Overly critical of self

Kind-hearted people with low self-esteem often display a tendency towards self-criticism. They hold themselves to incredibly high standards, and when they fall short of these, they can be excessively hard on themselves.

Instead of acknowledging their efforts and the progress they’ve made, they tend to focus on their mistakes and perceived shortcomings. This behavior often manifests in negative self-talk, with statements like “I should have done better” or “I’m such a failure.”

Unfortunately, this harsh self-criticism can lead to a cycle of low self-esteem, where negative thoughts reinforce feelings of inadequacy, which in turn fuels more negative thoughts. It’s a behavior that is displayed unknowingly, and one that further entrenches their low self-esteem.

5) Avoiding the spotlight

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always shied away from the spotlight. Whether it was a work achievement or a birthday celebration, I’d prefer to be in the background, quietly appreciating the moment rather than being the center of attention.

This behavior is not uncommon among those who are genuinely kind but struggle with low self-esteem. They often avoid drawing attention to themselves, feeling uncomfortable with the idea of standing out or being singled out for praise or recognition.

This fear of the spotlight stems from a concern about being judged or scrutinized. It’s a defensive mechanism that allows them to protect their fragile self-esteem by avoiding situations where they perceive there might be a risk of rejection or criticism.

6) Being overly accommodating

Those with low self-esteem who are also genuinely kind are often overly accommodating. They tend to go out of their way to make others happy, sometimes at the cost of their own well-being.

This behavior manifests in various ways. It could be saying yes to every request, even when they’re already overwhelmed. Or it could be putting other people’s needs and preferences before their own, even when it’s not necessary or fair.

While this behavior is driven by their innately kind nature, it’s also a strategy to avoid conflict and gain acceptance. Unfortunately, being overly accommodating can lead to burnout and resentment, further hurting their self-esteem in the long run.

7) Fear of burdening others

The most telling behavior displayed by genuinely kind people with low self-esteem is their fear of becoming a burden to others. They often struggle to ask for help, even when they desperately need it, for fear of imposing or causing inconvenience.

This behavior stems from their deep-seated belief that their needs are not as important as those of others. They would rather suffer in silence than risk burdening someone else with their problems. It’s a self-sacrificing attitude that, while noble, can lead to emotional exhaustion and stress, further exacerbating their low self-esteem.

The heart of the matter

The complexities of human behavior are indeed fascinating, and often, they’re rooted in our psychological makeup.

One such complexity is the relationship between kindness and self-esteem. It’s a delicate balance that can sometimes tip in favor of one trait over the other.

For those who are genuinely kind but struggle with low self-esteem, understanding these behaviors can be the first step towards self-improvement. It’s not about suppressing their kindness, but about building a healthier relationship with themselves.

Remember, everyone has their battles, even the kindest of souls. The key is to acknowledge these behaviors and work towards fostering self-love and confidence.

After all, being kind to oneself is just as important as being kind to others.