I’ll be the first person to say that communication skills aren’t easy to come by.

Expressing one’s feelings, self-awareness, and emotional self-regulation are hardly things that are taught at schools, and far too many people grow up with emotionally immature parents who struggle to communicate themselves.

But there comes a point in everyone’s lives where we’ve got to pull our socks up and get to work.

In other words, every adult should know how to communicate effectively and respectfully – be it thanks to their upbringing or their own effort and self-development.

These are the 6 phrases that confirm a man has not yet reached that stage and has no basic communication skills as of this moment.

1) “Whatever, it’s fine”

Except it’s probably not.

“Whatever, it’s fine” is a phrase used by men who are either too afraid of potential conflict or who don’t know how to express their genuine feelings (or both).

As a result, they resort to a hesitant “yes, whatever” even though they actually have a completely different opinion on the matter.

This is actually a form of passive aggression, which Psychology Today describes as something that “stems from deep anger, hostility, and frustration that a person, for whatever reason, is not comfortable expressing directly.”

Furthermore, “Passive-aggressive behavior can be intensely frustrating for the target because it’s hard to identify, difficult to prove, and may even be unintentional.

Passive aggression can lead to more conflict and intimacy issues, because many people struggle to have a direct and honest conversation about the problem at hand.”

Yeah. It’s not great.

Remember: a man who knows how to communicate will express his true feelings and opinions even if it means you may need to talk about it for a while longer. His goal is to build a strong connection rooted in honesty, not to get by with as little conflict as possible.

2) “We’ll see”

Before we go any further, let me just say that there absolutely are situations where “We’ll see” is a completely valid response.

But it’s important to distinguish between those and situations where “We’ll see” serves to placate rather than solve.

And what do I mean by that?

Well, imagine you’ve proposed an idea that your boyfriend doesn’t necessarily like. You might have suggested a camping trip or an activity for you to do on the weekend, for example.

As a response, you get a non-committal “We’ll see” that doesn’t actually consent to the plans but doesn’t reject them, either.

Again, this is a way for him to avoid confrontation.

He might hope that you’ll simply forget all about it or that he’ll get to escape the situation somehow – he’ll pretend he’s busy or that he doesn’t have time to talk right now, and before you know it, it’s Sunday evening and you haven’t even gotten the chance to spend time together.

What’s more, your boyfriend left you in an uncertain state of limbo, and so you didn’t plan anything else and ended up alone in bed.

Yep, that’s a crystal-clear sign of no basic communication skills.

3) “I don’t have time for this”

On a similar note, “I don’t have time for this” is a very weak excuse that serves to push you away and brush the whole problem under the carpet.

As the clinical psychologist Sherry Pagoto PhD writes, “The phrase is inaccurate because very simply, all we have is time. Time is continuous, it is constant. How you spend that constant stream of time is a reflection of who you are, of your personal values.”

She continues, “Well, sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. That’s the problem. If you don’t exercise, it doesn’t mean you don’t value it. It might mean that your life is not as values-driven as it could be.”

If a man doesn’t “have time” to discuss a certain issue with you, it doesn’t mean he actually can’t invest time into you. It means he has different priorities.

And if he wants to lead a more value-driven life that revolves around high-quality relationships, he will make the time. Simple as.

4) “The past is the past. Let’s not talk about it”

Look, I get it. He wants to live in the here and now. He doesn’t want to get into the dark stuff lurking in his past. He is a changed man and he’s left all his history behind.

While I agree that it’s important for us to live in the present moment and not let our past define us, I’m also a firm believer that getting to know about our close friends’ and romantic partners’ past is very important indeed.

After all, their history shaped them into who they are, and if your relationship is meant to be based on authenticity and transparency, I don’t see a reason why they should be so hesitant to share themselves with you.

…except there may be one reason, and that is, of course, secrecy.

A man who refuses to open himself up to you even if you’ve been super close for months and years is a man who either has no communication skills or is hiding something.

Or both.

5) “I’ve already said sorry, what do you want me to do? Get on my knees and beg for forgiveness?”

Here comes another phrase that shows a man doesn’t know how to communicate, one that relies on exaggeration and invalidation to escape accountability.

The truth is that it is one thing to say “sorry” and another to deliver a proper apology that shows remorse and follow it up with concrete action.

What’s more, an apology is sometimes not enough. If you’ve hurt someone, you may need to deal with the consequences for some while because they can’t just move on in one quick snap.

Expecting them to do so is very selfish because it revolves around what’s convenient for you rather than how your behavior impacted them.

If someone doesn’t move on “quickly enough,” men who can’t communicate may throw their hands up in frustration and exaggerate the situation, saying that they have no clue what else they can do because they’ve already exhausted all their “fixing ability” as it were.

What they don’t realize is that it is often reassurance, change, and consistency that people need after an apology.

A simple “sorry” means nothing if it is not followed up by consistent evidence that you’ve learned your lesson.

6) “That’s your problem”

Finally, “That’s your problem” is a very insensitive and oftentimes selfish way to go about things.

Look, even if it *is* their problem, telling them that probably isn’t going to improve the situation. It’ll only make it worse.

Therefore, a man who dismisses other people’s concerns and says that it’s not his problem is a man who may need to work on his empathy and communication skills.

 And that’s our six phrases ticked off! 

Before you go, I want you to remember that communication is a skill that can be taught and integrated into one’s behavior. But it does take effort and emotional maturity to do so.

More importantly, a man will only improve his communication skills if he genuinely wants to do that. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change themselves.