There’s a distinct difference between having class and emotional intelligence, and lacking them.

This difference is often visible in behavior. Those who lack class and emotional intelligence tend to exhibit certain traits, often without realizing it.

Class and emotional intelligence aren’t just about being well-mannered or empathetic. They go deeper into how we interact with others, understanding emotions, and maintaining grace under pressure.

In this piece, I’ll highlight 10 common traits displayed by people who lack class and emotional intelligence. And remember, the first step to improvement is awareness.

1) Uncontrolled emotions

Emotional intelligence is all about understanding and managing your emotions.

It’s not just about keeping your cool in a heated situation, but also about handling the roller coaster of highs and lows in everyday life.

Those who lack emotional intelligence often struggle to do this. Their emotions can spill over into their interactions with others, leading to outbursts, overreactions, or shutdowns.

Imagine being in a meeting where everyone is discussing a problem. Someone who lacks emotional intelligence might react harshly to criticism, or become overly defensive when their ideas are questioned.

This can make them difficult to interact with and can create tension in relationships, be it professional or personal.

The good news? Emotional intelligence is not fixed. With self-awareness and practice, one can learn to manage their emotions better, leading to more productive interactions and healthier relationships.

2) Lack of empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a crucial component of emotional intelligence and class.

Those without it often struggle to see things from another’s perspective. They focus on their feelings and disregard how their actions might affect others.

I remember dealing with a colleague who would often make decisions without considering the team’s opinions. I was tasked with a project that required me to work late hours. Instead of understanding my situation, he merely shrugged it off, saying, “That’s just how it is.”

It was clear that empathy wasn’t his strong suit. He failed to consider how his decisions impacted others, which led to frustration and resentment in the team.

The lack of empathy can create a negative environment and damage relationships. Recognizing this trait is the first step towards improvement. With practice, one can develop empathy and promote a more understanding and inclusive atmosphere.

3) Poor listening skills

Listening is more than just hearing what someone is saying. It’s about understanding, processing, and responding appropriately. It’s a key component of emotional intelligence and class.

However, individuals who lack these often struggle with active listening. They may interrupt others, focus on their response rather than understanding the speaker, or completely disregard what’s being shared.

Studies show that we remember between 25% to 50% of what we hear. That means when you talk to your boss, colleagues, customers or spouse for 10 minutes, they pay attention to less than half of the conversation. This is often due to poor listening skills.

Not being heard can leave people feeling undervalued and overlooked. Improving listening skills can enhance relationships, boost understanding, and improve overall communication.

4) Ignoring social cues

Social cues, both verbal and non-verbal, are a fundamental part of human interaction. They guide us on when to speak, how to respond, and what behavior is appropriate in a given situation.

However, those lacking class and emotional intelligence often miss or ignore these cues. They might speak out of turn, fail to pick up on someone’s discomfort, or simply misjudge a situation entirely.

For instance, if someone is constantly checking their watch during a conversation, it’s generally a cue that they’re in a hurry or not engaged. Ignoring such cues can come off as insensitive or disrespectful.

Understanding and responding to social cues is crucial for effective communication and maintaining good relationships. The good news is that with conscious effort and practice, it’s a skill that can be honed over time.

5) Being judgmental

Emotional intelligence involves respect for others’ feelings, experiences, and perspectives. It’s about understanding, not judging.

Contrarily, people who lack emotional intelligence often exhibit a judgmental attitude. They form opinions quickly and are not open to understanding others’ viewpoints.

For example, they might criticize someone’s decision without understanding their circumstances or belittle someone’s feelings because they don’t align with their own.

Being on the receiving end of such judgment can be hurtful and isolating. It can also harm relationships and create a hostile environment.

Cultivating an open mind and practicing empathy can help overcome this trait. Everyone has their unique journey and perspective. Understanding this can lead to healthier interactions and stronger relationships.

6) Lack of self-awareness

Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. It’s about understanding your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and how your actions affect others.

Unfortunately, those lacking class and emotional intelligence often struggle with this. They may make decisions or react to situations without considering the impact of their actions on others or even themselves.

This lack of self-awareness can lead to repeated mistakes, strained relationships, and even personal unhappiness. It’s like walking in the dark, unaware of the obstacles in your path.

However, no one is doomed to remain in the dark. The journey towards self-awareness begins with a willingness to introspect and accept feedback. It may be a challenging journey, but it’s undoubtedly one that leads to personal growth and improved relationships.

7) Difficulty in handling criticism

We all face criticism at some point. It’s how we handle it that truly matters.

For those lacking emotional intelligence and class, criticism can often be a hard pill to swallow. They might react defensively, deny any fault, or take it personally.

I remember receiving feedback about a project I had put my heart and soul into. The critique was harsher than I expected, and my first reaction was defensiveness. It took me a moment to realize that the feedback was not an attack on me personally, but an opportunity to grow and improve.

Learning to accept and learn from criticism is an essential aspect of emotional intelligence. It’s not always easy, but it’s a step towards personal growth and better understanding of oneself.

8) Oversharing

At first glance, you might think that sharing about yourself is a way to connect with others. And it is, to a certain extent.

However, those who lack emotional intelligence often cross the line from sharing to oversharing. They might disclose personal information inappropriately, or dominate conversations with their experiences, leaving little room for others.

While it may seem like a form of openness, oversharing can actually create discomfort and distance. It’s about understanding boundaries – knowing what, when, and how much to share.

Balance is key when it comes to sharing. A conversation should be a two-way street, allowing both parties to express and connect. By being mindful of this, we can cultivate healthier and more meaningful interactions.

9) Inability to apologize

We all make mistakes. It’s a part of being human. The crucial part is being able to acknowledge those mistakes and apologize.

However, people who lack emotional intelligence and class often struggle with this. They may stubbornly refuse to admit their mistakes or offer insincere apologies.

This inability can strain relationships and create resentment. It’s not just about uttering the words “I’m sorry,” but genuinely understanding and acknowledging the impact of one’s actions.

It takes courage to apologize sincerely, but doing so can mend bridges and foster respect. It’s an integral part of personal growth and developing emotional intelligence.

10) Lack of gratitude

Gratitude is more than just saying “thank you.” It’s about appreciating the good in your life and acknowledging the kindness of others.

Those lacking emotional intelligence and class often overlook this essential trait. They might take things for granted or fail to express appreciation for others’ efforts.

Gratitude isn’t just good manners; it’s a way of viewing the world. It fosters positivity and strengthens relationships. More than that, it’s a reflection of one’s character.

Expressing gratitude is simple, but its impact is profound. So, take a moment to appreciate the good around you, and don’t forget to say “thank you.”

Final reflection: It’s a journey

The complexity of human behavior is often intertwined with our emotional intelligence and class. These two aspects shape our interactions, reactions, and ultimately, our relationships.

Understanding these 10 traits is not about labeling or criticizing, but about awareness and improvement. After all, no one is born with perfect emotional intelligence or class. They are skills that we develop and refine throughout our lives.

Remember, the beautiful thing about emotional intelligence is that it’s not a fixed trait. You can always learn, grow, and improve.

Whether it’s becoming a better listener, learning to manage emotions, or simply expressing gratitude more often, even small changes can have a significant impact on our relationships and overall happiness.

So take a moment to reflect. Are there any traits you recognize in yourself? What steps can you take towards growth?

This journey towards improved emotional intelligence and class might not always be easy, but it’s undoubtedly worth the effort. After all, the journey to become a better version of ourselves is the most rewarding journey of all.