There’s a fine line between being open and oversharing.

Being able to navigate conversations is an essential part of emotional intelligence. Knowing what to talk about, when, and how much to share can be the difference between forming meaningful connections and pushing people away.

But there are certain topics that, when brought up too often or in the wrong way, can signal a lack of emotional intelligence.

In this article, I’m going to share with you nine key topics that, if someone consistently brings up in conversation, may suggest they’re lacking in this vital skill.

1) Constant negativity

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who always seems to focus on the downside of things?

Being chronically negative can be an indicator of poor emotional intelligence. It’s because people with high Emotional Intelligence (EI) understand the impact their attitude can have on the people around them. They strive to maintain a positive outlook, even in challenging situations.

If someone consistently brings up negative topics in conversation, it may be because they’re unable to regulate their emotions effectively. They may be stuck in a cycle of negativity and lack the emotional skills to break free from it.

2) Personal dramas

We all have our share of personal dramas and life challenges. But there’s a time and place to share them.

I remember having a conversation with a friend who I hadn’t seen in a while. Within five minutes of meeting, she started sharing intimate details about her recent breakup. It was uncomfortable and inappropriate given the setting – we were in a public coffee shop, and I barely had time to sip my latte.

My point being: Constantly bringing up personal dramas can indicate a lack of emotional boundaries and self-awareness, key aspects of emotional intelligence. Remember, a conversation should be a two-way street, not a therapy session.

3) Gossip

Gossip might seem like harmless chatter, but it’s often a sign of low emotional intelligence.

People with high emotional intelligence tend to focus on ideas and constructive conversations rather than discussing other people’s lives in their absence. They understand the negative impact gossip can have on relationships and work environments.

In fact, research found that people who gossip frequently have lower levels of self-esteem and social desirability. This suggests that they use gossip as a way to feel better about themselves and fit in with others.

So, if you notice someone regularly bringing up gossip in conversation, it might be a sign that they need to work on their emotional intelligence.

4) Money

Money is a tricky subject to navigate in conversations. While it’s perfectly normal to discuss finances in certain situations, continually bringing up money can be a sign of low emotional intelligence.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that constantly discussing their financial status, whether it’s bragging about their wealth or complaining about their financial woes, can make others uncomfortable. They know how to gauge the appropriateness of such discussions based on the social context and the people involved.

5) Controversial topics

Ever met someone who turns every conversation into a debate club, leaving comfort in the dust? Maybe their emotional radar needs a bit of an upgrade.

Discussing controversial topics like politics, religion, or sensitive social issues can be a minefield in conversations. While it’s important to have open discussions about such matters, continually steering conversations towards these hot-button issues can be a sign of low emotional intelligence.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that these subjects can invoke strong emotions and divide opinion. They tread carefully, ensuring they’re in an appropriate setting and speaking with someone who’s comfortable engaging in such discourse.

6) Personal achievements

We all feel proud of our accomplishments, and it’s natural to want to share them. But continually steering conversations towards one’s own achievements can suggest a lack of emotional intelligence.

People with high emotional intelligence celebrate their successes but also show genuine interest in others’ achievements. They understand that empathy and mutual respect form the backbone of meaningful connections.

Someone who constantly talks about their accomplishments, often overshadowing others’, may lack this understanding. It can come across as self-centered and dismissive of others’ experiences.

7) Others’ shortcomings

There was a time when I found myself conversing with a colleague who seemed to take an unusual interest in pointing out others’ flaws. It was not only uncomfortable but also made me question the intent behind these observations.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that focusing on others’ shortcomings doesn’t elevate them; instead, it reflects poorly on their own character. They choose to celebrate strengths and encourage growth rather than dwell on weaknesses.

Frequently bringing up others’ shortcomings in conversation may suggest a lack of empathy and emotional maturity. Constructive criticism is one thing, but constant fault-finding can be damaging and unproductive. Always aim for conversations that uplift rather than tear down.

8) Their appearance

While it’s perfectly okay to talk about personal style or grooming habits, constantly focusing on one’s own appearance can indicate a lack of emotional intelligence.

People with high emotional intelligence understand that while outward appearances matter, they don’t define a person’s worth or capabilities. They are more interested in understanding people’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences rather than fixating on their looks.

If you notice someone always steering conversations toward how they look, it could be a sign they might be missing some depth and self-awareness. Let’s keep in mind, real beauty shines from the inside out, and our talks should echo that inner richness. So, when we chat, let’s dig a bit deeper, celebrating the genuine beauty that comes from within ourselves and each other.

9) One-sided conversations

If you find someone constantly dominating the conversation, leaving little room for you to express your thoughts or experiences, it could be a sign of low emotional intelligence.

Being an engaged listener is a vital element of emotional intelligence. It’s not just about hearing words; it’s about showing genuine respect and interest in what the other person shares. When someone falls short in this department, they’re basically skipping out on a fundamental aspect of creating meaningful connections.

So, let’s make sure our conversations are more than just words passing by – let’s really listen and value what each person brings to the table. It’s the little moments of connection that truly make our interactions special.

Final thoughts: The power of empathy

If someone consistently brings up these nine topics in conversation, it might indicate a lack of emotional intelligence. But remember, emotional intelligence is not fixed. It’s a skill that can be nurtured and developed over time.

So as we navigate our conversations and relationships, let’s strive to cultivate empathy. To listen more than we speak, to understand before being understood, and to treat every conversation as an opportunity to connect on a deeper level.

It’s in these moments of genuine connection that we truly understand the power of empathy and its role in emotional intelligence.