I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty strong person, emotionally speaking.

I mean, we all have those moments, right? Where life feels a bit too much and you’re left questioning your strength. But generally, I managed to keep it together and kept moving forward.

Honestly, it wasn’t until recently that I realized something was off. I was constantly exhausted, mentally and emotionally, even when my day was going pretty well. It felt like I was carrying around a heavy weight that I couldn’t shake off.

It took me a while to figure out what was happening. Turns out, even the strongest of us can be brought down by these little unconscious behaviors that we’re completely unaware of.

These are the proverbial thorns in our sides, the silent energy vampires sucking out 90 percent of our emotional strength without us even noticing.

In this article, we’re going to dive into these behaviors. You might recognize some of them, you might not. Either way, by the end of it, you’ll have a better understanding of what’s been draining your emotional strength and how you might address it.

Let’s get started then, shall we? 

1) Constantly worrying about the future

Worrying about the future is something we all do, right? It’s a part of life. But what happens when this worry starts taking over your day-to-day?

I’ve been there, constantly fretting over what might or might not happen tomorrow, next week, next month. It’s like living in a constant state of “what if?” And let me tell you, it’s exhausting.

This worry, this fear of the unknown, can drain our emotional strength faster than we realize. It pulls us out of the present moment and sends us spiraling into a world of hypothetical scenarios and potential problems.

And the worst part? Most of these scenarios never even happen. We’re essentially draining our emotional strength for no reason.

Recognizing this behavior is the first step to reclaiming that strength. It doesn’t mean we stop planning or preparing for the future.

2) Overthinking every situation

Following on from the constant worrying about the future, there’s another behavior that’s a significant emotional drain: overthinking.

Overthinking is like a hamster wheel in your mind, spinning endlessly and getting nowhere. It’s exhausting and, quite often, completely unnecessary.

I remember a time when I was invited to a social gathering. Instead of looking forward to it, I found myself overthinking every little detail: what I would wear, who would be there, what we would talk about. I even started imagining possible scenarios where things could go wrong.

By the time the event came around, I was so emotionally drained from all the overthinking that I could barely enjoy myself. It felt like I had lived through the event a hundred times in my head already.

Overthinking not only robs us of our emotional strength but also of the joy and spontaneity of life. 

3) Living in the past

Dwelling on past mistakes, reliving past traumas, or longing for the “good old days” can rob us of our emotional strength and prevent us from fully enjoying the present.

I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true: we can’t change the past. What’s done is done. All we can do is learn from it and move forward.

For example, I used to replay old arguments in my head, thinking about what I should have said, how I could have acted differently. It was like I was fighting a battle that had long ended.

But all this did was keep me stuck in a cycle of regret and self-blame, draining my emotional strength and preventing me from focusing on the present and future.

So while it’s important to reflect on our past experiences for growth and learning, it’s equally important to not let them dominate our thoughts or define us.

A balanced life – one that learns from the past but lives in the present – is worth living.

4) Negative self-talk

Our minds are powerful tools, capable of both great achievements and great destruction. The words we use to talk to ourselves can have a profound impact on our emotional strength.

Research has shown that the language we use in our self-talk can influence our stress levels, self-esteem, and overall mental health. People who regularly engage in negative self-talk are more likely to experience stress, anxiety, and depression.

I mean, think about it. If you constantly tell yourself you’re not good enough, you’re a failure, or you can’t handle things, how would that make you feel? Drained, right?

Negative self-talk is an unconscious behavior that many of us engage in without even realizing it. It’s like a background noise that we’ve gotten used to over time.

But just because we’ve gotten used to it doesn’t mean it’s healthy or beneficial. In fact, it’s one of the significant behaviors that can drain our emotional strength.

5) Trying to please everyone

We all want to be liked, don’t we? It’s a natural human desire. But when that desire turns into a constant quest to please everyone around us, it can quickly become an emotional drain.

In my own experience, I’ve found that trying to make everyone happy often leads to making myself unhappy. I would say ‘yes’ when I wanted to say ‘no’, put others’ needs before my own, and suppress my feelings in fear of upsetting someone else.

But here’s the thing: it’s impossible to please everyone. And even if we could, it’s not our job to do so. We’re responsible for our own happiness, not anyone else’s.

Trying to please everyone can lead to a loss of self, an erosion of our boundaries, and a significant drain on our emotional strength.

6) Not setting boundaries

Boundaries are like invisible lines we draw around ourselves to protect our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. They define what we find acceptable and unacceptable in our interactions with others.

The problem arises when we fail to set or maintain these boundaries. From my own experience, I can tell you that it can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and emotional exhaustion.

In the past, I would often find myself overcommitted and overwhelmed because I didn’t know how to say ‘no’ or set clear boundaries.

It felt like I was constantly being pulled in different directions, trying to meet everyone else’s demands and expectations at the expense of my own needs and well-being.

Not setting boundaries is a behavior that can silently drain our emotional strength over time. We might not even realize that it’s happening until we find ourselves feeling emotionally depleted and burnt out.

7) Comparing ourselves to others

In this digital age, it’s easier than ever to fall into the comparison trap.

We scroll through social media and see curated snapshots of other people’s lives – their successes, their happiness, their seemingly perfect existence – and we can’t help but compare ourselves.

I’ve found myself in that trap more times than I care to admit. Looking at the accomplishments and lifestyles of others, and feeling like I’m not measuring up. It’s like a race where the finish line keeps moving further away.

But here’s the thing: comparison is a thief of joy. And more than that, it’s a massive drain on our emotional strength.

When we compare ourselves to others, we’re not seeing the full picture. We’re comparing our behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and dissatisfaction, which are all draining on our emotional strength.

8) Neglecting self-care

When we’re busy juggling multiple roles and responsibilities, it’s easy to put ourselves last on the list. We might skip meals, skimp on sleep, or neglect our hobbies and interests.

Neglecting self-care is one of the most damaging behaviors to our emotional strength. It’s like trying to draw water from an empty well; there’s simply nothing left to give.

Taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally isn’t selfish or indulgent- it’s necessary. It’s the fuel that keeps us going and allows us to show up in the world as the best version of ourselves.

So, whether it’s taking a walk in nature, reading a book, or simply taking a few minutes each day to breathe deeply and relax, prioritize self-care.

Recognize that you’re worth taking care of and that doing so will replenish your emotional strength in ways you may not have imagined.

Emotional resilience

As the poet Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Our struggles and challenges can be opportunities for growth and transformation, if we allow them to be.

So take your time. Be patient with yourself. Celebrate your progress, no matter how small it might seem.

Because ultimately, the goal isn’t to eliminate these behaviors entirely (because let’s face it, we’re all human and we’re bound to slip up from time to time).

The goal is to become more aware of them, so that we can manage them better and prevent them from draining our emotional strength.

And remember, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being a little better than we were yesterday.

Here’s to greater emotional resilience and a healthier, happier you.