There’s a real gap between generations, especially when it comes to conversation.

Sometimes, the older generation—Baby Boomers—say things that make younger folks immediately tune out. It’s not about being disrespectful, but more about a mismatch in communication styles.

Navigating these generational differences can be tricky. But understanding the common ‘conversation killers’ that Boomers use can help bridge this gap.

In this article, we’ll explore eight phrases that typically cause younger people to check out of a conversation. We’ll look at why these phrases might not land well, and suggest alternatives that can engage rather than alienate.

Keep in mind that it’s not about pointing fingers or blaming one generation over another. It’s about fostering better understanding and communication because, at the end of the day, that’s what makes our interactions meaningful.

1) “In my day…”

Let’s begin with one of the most classic phrases that can cause a generational divide in conversation: “In my day…”

This seemingly innocent phrase often precedes a comparison of past and present, invariably favoring the past. It tends to be said with a tone of nostalgia, but it can come across as dismissive to younger listeners.

Why? Because it implies that the younger generation’s experiences are somehow less valid or less important than those of the Boomer generation. It presents the past as ‘better’ and can make young people feel as if their own experiences are being devalued.

When engaging in conversation with younger individuals, it’s essential to recognize and respect their experiences as equally valid.

It shows that you’re open to learning about their perspective instead of just reminiscing about the ‘good old days’.

2) “You’re too young to understand”

Here’s another phrase I’ve heard all too often: “You’re too young to understand.”

I remember my own father saying this to me when I tried to engage in a political discussion with him at the dinner table. As a politically engaged teen, I felt dismissed and belittled. It was as if my opinions didn’t matter simply because of my age.

“You’re too young to understand” can instantly drive a wedge in the conversation and make younger people feel unheard and unimportant. It’s essentially saying that their perspective or opinion is invalid due to their age.

Instead of dismissing younger people’s viewpoints, consider saying something like: “I’m interested in your perspective on this.” This shows respect for their thoughts and experiences and encourages an open, two-way conversation.

Remember, everyone has something valuable to add to a conversation, regardless of their age.

3) “When are you getting a real job?”

Few things can be as disheartening to a young person as having their career path belittled or dismissed. The phrase “When are you getting a real job?” is often used by Boomers to express confusion or skepticism about non-traditional careers.

This might be due to a lack of understanding about the changing job market. For example, the gig economy, which includes freelancing and contract work, has grown by 33% over the last three years.

Using this phrase not only invalidates the work young people are doing but also fails to acknowledge the realities of the modern job market.

Instead, consider asking: “Can you tell me more about your job?” This approach shows curiosity and respect for their choices and opens up a conversation where both parties can learn from each other.

4) “You spend too much time on your phone”

This line, “You spend too much time on your phone,” has become a common refrain from Boomers to younger generations.

Yes, we can all agree that balance is important in life. However, this phrase often comes off as judgmental and dismissive.

What Boomers might not fully grasp is that for younger generations, their phone is not just a leisure device. It’s a tool for communication, work, education, and even activism.

Instead of criticizing the screen time, why not ask about what they are doing on their device? A question like “What are you working on?” or “What app do you use the most?” can lead to interesting conversations and a better understanding of each other’s worlds.

5) “You don’t know how good you have it”

One phrase that can really sting is, “You don’t know how good you have it.” While it may be intended as a reminder of the progress society has made, it can feel dismissive and minimizes the struggles young people face today.

The truth is, every generation faces its own unique set of challenges.

For example, many young people today are grappling with issues such as climate change, mental health struggles, and skyrocketing costs of education and housing.

Instead of implying that younger generations have it easy, a more empathetic approach could be to say, “I see the different challenges you’re facing compared to when I was your age. It must be tough.”

This shows understanding and compassion, and helps to bridge the generational gap.

6) “That’s not how we did things”

The phrase, “That’s not how we did things,” hits a bit too close to home for me.

When I started my career in editing and proofreading, my mentor would often say this. It was his way of expressing discomfort with the new digital tools and processes that were transforming our industry.

But to me, it felt like a dismissal of my efforts to innovate and keep up with the changing times. It was as if my new ideas and ways of doing things were less valuable simply because they were different.

Instead of holding on to ‘how things were done’, it’s more constructive to embrace change and learn from it. A better approach could be: “That’s a different way of doing it. Can you show me how it works?”

This encourages dialogue and learning, fostering a more inclusive and open-minded environment.

7) “Back in my day, we respected our elders”

The phrase, “Back in my day, we respected our elders,” can create a significant disconnect in a conversation. This statement suggests that the younger generation lacks respect, which can feel like an unfair generalization.

Respect is not about blind obedience or agreement. It’s about understanding and valuing differing viewpoints. Young people today are more outspoken and comfortable challenging authority, but this does not mean they lack respect.

Instead of making assumptions about respect, a conversation can be more fruitful if both parties approach it with openness and understanding. Consider saying something like: “I understand we may have different views. Let’s talk about it.”

This creates space for mutual respect and understanding, paving the way for a more constructive conversation.

8) “You have no idea what hard work is”

The phrase, “You have no idea what hard work is,” is perhaps one of the most damaging conversation stoppers.

Hard work looks different for every generation, and it’s not fair or accurate to say that younger people don’t understand it.

Today’s young people are navigating a world full of challenges, many of which didn’t exist for previous generations. They are working hard, just in different ways and in different contexts.

A better approach would be to appreciate their efforts and acknowledge their struggles. Saying something like “I see how hard you’re working, keep it up,” can motivate and inspire them, keeping the lines of communication open.

Final thoughts: It’s all about empathy

At the heart of every meaningful conversation lies empathy. Understanding and acknowledging the generational differences are key to bridging gaps and fostering better communication.

Rudolfo Anaya once said:

“Understanding comes with life. As a man grows he sees life and death, he is happy and sad, he works, plays, meets people – sometimes it takes a lifetime to acquire understanding because in the end understanding is learning to see reality.”

So, let’s take a step back and view conversations not as opportunities to impose our views or experiences, but as chances to learn from each other.

The younger generation can learn from the wisdom and experience of Boomers, just as Boomers can gain fresh insights from the energy and innovation of young people.

After all, it’s through understanding and empathy that we truly connect with one another. Let’s keep the conversation going.