There are some things a man just shouldn’t say to a woman:

Especially in a romantic relationship. 

Unfortunately, of course, many men do say the following toxic and hurtful things to their partner, especially when the relationship has become codependent and unhealthy. 

Consider these verbal warning signs:

A flashing red light indicating something is very wrong in a relationship and it’s coming from the man’s side of the equation. 

These are phrases no woman should hear from her man in a functional relationship: 

1) “Don’t overreact…”

It’s true that sometimes people overreact, obviously. 

But when a man says this it is a form of gaslighting for the simple reason that he is making himself judge and jury of how his partner should react. 

None of us get to control how somebody else reacts to us or what they feel. 

Their “overreaction” in our eyes may be completely authentic and valid in their own eyes. The man who tries to steer and control that reaction is being manipulative and controlling. 

2) “You’re being crazy…”

This type of language is very harmful and disparaging. 

When a man says this he is making his partner feel like he or she is a lunatic for reacting in a certain way or having certain feelings. 

What gives him this right? 

It’s a form of gaslighting, because what he considers “crazy” is his business and him using it to shift or control his partner is manipulative and using shaming tactics.

As Harvard-educated psychologist Dr. Cortney Warren advises:

“Language that manipulates or twists reality with the intent of making your partner doubt themselves is called “gaslighting,” and it undermines their perception of reality.”

3) “You always…”

Black-and-white thinking, or dichotomous thinking, is widely warned against by psychologists. 

When a man phrases things by saying “you always,” it’s rarely followed by something uplifting or kind. 

It’s usually more like “you always forget to put back the dishes,” or “you always criticize me and expect me not to respond.”

His partner may do it a lot! It may be valid to call it out! But “always?”

“Because our thoughts and feelings are connected, black-and-white thinking can cause our emotions to exist at extremes as well,” explains BetterHelp.

4) “You never…”

This is along the same lines as the previous issue in terms of black-and-white speech. 

By saying that his partner “never” does something, the man is creating both a judgment and something of a cage. 

For example: “you never support me when I need it.”

He is making his partner feel hopeless about themselves as well, by indicating that they won’t change or can “never” do something. 

It’s an absolutist language that makes a person feel very judged and locked into a certain role and even less likely to change their behavior. 

5) “I’m so sick of your sh*t…”

There are some rough issues that go on in relationships, there’s no doubt about that. 

Maybe a guy has a real reason to be very fed up with his partner’s behavior.

But this isn’t a good way to phrase it. In fact, it’s the kind of emotional language that leads to a breakup and a “good luck with everything” goodbye conversation. 

Maybe he is sick of her sh*t. But there are better and more proactive ways to phrase it. 

“Language that reflects how you feel in a heated, emotional moment but isn’t representative of how you feel in the big-picture is damaging,” notes Warren.

6) “I should be your priority…”

It’s reasonable to ask that his partner values him or spends more time with him, if possible. 

But using “should” language and demanding to be a “priority” sounds a bit like the words of an egotist. 

A man who believes he should always come first can quickly become a very controlling and toxic man in a relationship, and his partner needs to be quite cautious of this kind of guy. 

“His needs and wants take precedence over almost anything else. About your own needs, for sure, and often even above the children’s needs,” explains sociologist and behavioral analyst Lucio Buffalmano.

“If you are in a relationship with an abusive man of this type, he will order you around and expect you to drop anything else to serve him.”

7) “Why do you make me so mad?”

The way his partner makes him upset or happy or turned on or bored is not his partner’s responsibility.

Sure, he or she may have contributed to the man feeling this way:

But when he phrases it as his partner being responsible, he is outsourcing his own responsibility for his emotions. 

This is a lose-lose proposition.

As the University of North Carolina notes:

“He is the one who makes the decision about what he thinks or feels, but he will use these feelings to manipulate his partner.”

8) “A good partner would do this for me…”

Maybe yes, maybe no. 

But this is clearly a guilt-trip statement whereby the man is trying to obligate his partner to do or say things that he prefers. 

What gives him that right?

Answer: nothing. He’s being a bully.

“Some of the statements might even sound acceptable in certain environments, but they are not. Abusive behavior is pervasive and without awareness, it will continue,” notes psychologist Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC.

9) “You have no idea what you’re talking about…”

It’s certainly possible that a man’s partner is factually incorrect. 

But this type of language is often used as a form of gaslighting and bullying. 

It is very frequently the type of thing a man says in a relationship in order to steer the interaction to where he gets to say what’s true, real, fair and reasonable, especially in regards to his partner’s life and decisions. 

As Buffalmano explains: 

“He knows what’s the best course of action for you and he has an easy answer for any of your problems: you’re just stupid not to see it. 

If you keep arguing with him indeed, you are stupid and you are disrespecting him. A big area of his expertise, of course, is your shortcomings.”

10) “Stop exaggerating…”

On the surface this seems like a fair statement. At least in some contexts. 

Maybe his partner is exaggerating!

As mental health writer Darius Cikanavicius puts it, this is usually said in order to imply that “it’s not as bad as you think and feel it is.”

But what if it is? 

That’s why this phrase is something a man shouldn’t say to his partner. Because even if it’s objectively true that his partner is exaggerating, it’s not a useful thing to say and will just escalate a confrontation. 

11) “I don’t have time for this…”

This is not only a hurtful thing to say, but also a counterproductive phrase. 

It has two possible outcomes:

It will allow a tense situation to fester and become even worse over time, or it will lead to a termination of the tense situation and for it to reemerge even worse and unresolved the next time. 

Either option is very bad for the relationship and makes his partner feel like they are playing second fiddle. 

Their concerns, feelings and experiences aren’t as important (apparently). They understandably become a bit hostile at hearing this. 

12) “It’s just a joke. Calm down…”

Telling somebody to “calm down” is hard to do in a non-demeaning way. 

But even if it’s meant well, this tends to be a very deceptive thing for a guy to say in a relationship. 

That’s because he often uses it as a bait-and-switch in order to deliver cruel words or actions and then withdraw with the “joke” excuse. 

As Cikanavicius notes.

“Meaning, it’s a joke when you call me out on it, otherwise it’s not a joke.”

13) “You’re such a b*tch!”

There are legitimate reasons to feel that his partner may be behaving in a totally unacceptable way. 

But using words like “b*tch” and escalating to this level of anger never ends well. 

It hits his partner at the core and is likely to make them feel like they are low value and to compound on any already existing feelings of unworthiness or self-doubt. 

As psychology writer Jade Hughes explains:

“Arguments that always resort to yelling and the use of aggressive phrases in a conversation are all signs that your communication with your partner is anything but healthy.”

14) “I’m actually really concerned about you — you’re all over the place…”

This type of concern trolling is another big red flag. 

If he’s really concerned he can show it by being kind, not by gaslighting his partner about how crazy they are being. 

This is usually a bad idea for a man to say to his partner unless it’s delivered with a lot of tact and sensitivity.

“This one depends on context, of course — someone might legit be concerned about you if you seem scattered,” note Erica Sweeney and Stephanie Dolgoff. 

“But used by a gaslighter, it might be another way of trivializing, wrapped up in alleged concern about your wellbeing…”