Isn’t it fascinating how our childhood experiences stick with us, shaping the way we navigate the world as adults?

I’ve often thought about how the love and affection we received—or didn’t receive—as kids can echo into our adult lives, influencing our behaviors in ways we might not even realize.

For women who grew up without much affection, those early years leave a mark that can manifest in all sorts of behaviors. Once you understand the “why” behind them, you can start to make sense of the “what” and begin to change your story.

In this piece, I’ll explain nine specific behaviors that are common among women who didn’t receive a lot of affection growing up.

And if you recognize yourself in any of these, just keep in mind that it’s just part of your story, and knowing it is the first step toward shaping a new chapter.

1) Difficulty in forming close relationships

When it comes to matters of the heart, those who didn’t receive much affection as children often have a harder time navigating.

Close relationships require a level of vulnerability that can feel incredibly daunting if you’re not used to receiving affection. It can seem like you’re risking a lot for potential pain.

If you’ve grown up in an environment where affection was scarce, it’s only natural to feel wary. However, while protecting our hearts is a natural instinct, it can also prevent us from experiencing deep connections and love. 

2) Overcompensating in their own relationships

Personally, I’ve seen this behavior in my own life. Growing up, affection was something that was in short supply in my household. As I entered into my own relationships, I found myself overcompensating.

I would shower my partners with affection, almost to the point of being overbearing. I was desperate to give what I didn’t receive, and to ensure that they never felt the lack of affection I had felt as a child.

In retrospect, I understand now that my behavior was a reaction to my upbringing. It took time and understanding for me to strike a balance – to realize that while giving affection is important, it needs to be tempered and appropriate.

It’s okay not to overcompensate for past experiences; each relationship is a new start.

3) Struggling with self-esteem

Self-esteem is often influenced by the affection we receive during our formative years. Research has indicated that a lack of parental affection in childhood is linked to higher levels of depressive symptoms in adulthood, which can, in turn, impact self-esteem.

For many women who grew up without much affection, this can manifest as a persistent struggle with self-worth. They may frequently question their value and worthiness, sometimes leading to patterns of self-sabotaging behavior.

However, just keep in mind that our self-esteem isn’t fixed. With understanding and effort, it’s entirely possible to build a healthier sense of self-worth.

4) Craving validation

Another common behavior among women who received little affection as children is seeking validation. They often look for external affirmation of their worth, abilities, and actions.

This might manifest in constantly seeking approval from others or going to great lengths to fit in. It could also lead to perfectionism, as they might feel that they need to be flawless to be worthy of love and attention.

While it’s natural to want recognition for our achievements, excessive dependence on external validation can be emotionally draining, so instead of relying on external sources, try to find it within you.

5) Difficulty expressing emotions

According to research, expressing emotions in a healthy way can be a real challenge for women who received little affection in their childhood.

They may have learned to suppress their feelings as a coping mechanism, making it difficult for them to articulate their emotions later in life.

This can lead to bottled-up emotions, which might explode in moments of stress, or could manifest as anxiety or depression.

Learning to express your emotions effectively is one of the best decisions you can make if you want to elevate your relationships to the next level.

6) Fear of rejection

At the heart of many behaviors exhibited by women who received little affection as children, lies a deep fear of rejection. This fear often stems from the rejection they felt as children, when their need for affection was unmet.

This fear can act as a barrier, preventing them from forming deep connections with others. It can make them overly cautious in relationships, often pushing away people before they get too close.

Everyone deserves love and connection. Just know that past experiences don’t have to dictate your future, and the power is in your own hands.

7) Being overly independent

Independence is something I’ve always taken pride in. It was my armor, my defense mechanism. But over time, I realized it was also my cage.

In my quest to prove that I didn’t need anyone, that I could handle everything on my own, I built walls around myself. I made it hard for people to get close to me, even when I yearned for connection.

This is a common trait among women who received little affection as children. We try to shield ourselves from potential hurt by becoming overly independent. 

But you know what? There’s strength in vulnerability and it’s okay to lean on others sometimes. It’s a tough skill to learn, but it is 100% worth it.

8) Difficulty trusting others

Trust is an integral part of any relationship, but for women who didn’t receive much affection as children, trusting others can be a huge challenge.

They may constantly second-guess others’ intentions or find it hard to believe that someone could genuinely care about them. This lack of trust can create a cycle of self-sabotage, pushing away people who genuinely want to be there for them.

Trust is something that develops over time and can be nurtured. If the woman you’re seeing doesn’t fully trust you yet, give it time and show through your actions that you are someone she can fully trust.

9) Resilience

Despite all of these challenges, one of the most remarkable behaviors exhibited by women who received little affection as children is their resilience.

They’ve faced adversity and learned to adapt, often becoming strong, capable individuals in the face of hardship.

This resilience is a testament to their strength and a quality that should not be overlooked or undervalued.

Final thoughts

As I reflect on all of this, it’s clear that understanding our past is a powerful tool. The behaviors we’ve discussed aren’t flaws—they’re survival mechanisms, shaped by a lack of affection during formative years. But here’s the thing: your past doesn’t have to dictate your future.

The journey of self-discovery isn’t always easy. It feels like peeling back layers, sometimes uncovering things you’d rather keep buried. But each layer reveals something crucial about who you are and why you are the way you are.

And that understanding? It’s the key to growth, to healing, to becoming the person you want to be.

Remember what Rumi said: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” Your experiences, no matter how tough, have made you resilient. And that resilience is your strength, the light that guides you toward a future filled with self-love and fulfillment.