The difference between appearing strong and actually feeling strong can be as vast as a canyon.

Many women put on a brave face, while inside, they’re dealing with turmoil.

Often, this strength is not genuine – it’s a mask, a defense mechanism to hide the feeling of being overwhelmed underneath.

These women often exhibit certain subtle behaviors that give away their internal struggles. The signs are not always obvious, but if you know what to look for, they can be quite revealing.

Let’s dig into these 8 subtle behaviors displayed by women who may seem strong on the surface, but feel overwhelmed underneath.

1) Overcompensating with positivity

In the realm of emotions, it’s a common tendency to mask our true feelings.

For women who are dealing with inner turmoil, there’s a widespread tendency to overcompensate by exuding positivity. It’s a defense mechanism, a way to hide the fact they’re feeling overwhelmed.

This behavior can be seen in many forms. Maybe they’re always the one cracking jokes or they constantly have a big smile plastered on their face. Perhaps they’re perpetually optimistic, even when situations might not call for it.

However, this over-the-top positivity is often just a cover, a way to shield their true feelings from the world.

It’s not about unmasking their struggles or calling them out. It’s about understanding what’s beneath the surface and offering empathy and support when needed.

2) They’re perfectionists

Perfectionism is another sign that often goes unnoticed. Women who feel overwhelmed but project strength tend to set high standards for themselves.

I recall a friend of mine, let’s call her Jane. Jane was always the epitome of perfection. Her work was flawless, her home was immaculate, and she always seemed so put together. But behind closed doors, she confessed that she was constantly overwhelmed.

She told me, “I feel like I have to be perfect all the time. If I make a mistake or if things are not perfect, I feel like I’ve failed.”

It was a stark reminder that sometimes, striving for perfection isn’t a sign of strength but an indicator of internal struggle.

3) They avoid personal questions

Women who seem strong on the surface but are dealing with internal struggles often avoid personal questions. They tend to steer conversations away from their feelings or personal life.

In a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, it was found that individuals who are dealing with internal emotional struggles are more likely to avoid conversations about personal topics. They do this as a way to prevent exposing their vulnerabilities.

When you notice someone consistently avoiding personal discussions, remember, it might be their way of guarding their inner turmoil.

Rather than forcing them to open up, offer a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing, if and when they’re ready.

4) They always seem busy

Have you noticed that some women always seem to be busy, constantly on the move, and never taking a moment to rest? This could be another subtle behavior indicating they’re overwhelmed but trying to appear strong.

Keeping themselves busy serves as a distraction from their internal struggles. The constant motion, the endless tasks, provide a way to keep their mind off what’s truly bothering them.

It’s important to recognize this behavior for what it is – a coping mechanism.

Instead of asking why they’re always so busy, perhaps the question should be “Are you doing okay?” or “Do you need someone to talk to?”.

Understanding and sensitivity can go a long way in helping someone who’s pretending to be strong but feeling overwhelmed underneath.

5) They take care of others before themselves

Women who seem strong but are overwhelmed often prioritize taking care of others before themselves. Their focus on the needs of others is a way to avoid dealing with their own internal struggles.

It’s the mother who always puts her children’s needs first, never taking a moment for herself. It’s the friend who always lends a shoulder to cry on, even when she herself is falling apart.

These women hide their own pain behind the act of caring for others. But they too need someone to ask how they’re doing, to offer them a shoulder to cry on.

It takes an incredible amount of strength to carry not just your own burdens, but those of others too. 

6) They struggle with sleep

Sleep is often the first casualty when you’re dealing with internal turmoil. I’ve had nights where I’ve tossed and turned, my mind racing with worries and fears that I’ve kept to myself during the day.

Women who are pretending to be strong but feeling overwhelmed might also experience sleep disturbances. It could be insomnia, nightmares, or simply not feeling rested even after a full night’s sleep.

Sleep is a time when our defenses are down, and it’s harder to keep up the facade of strength.

If someone you know is consistently struggling with sleep, it might be a sign they’re dealing with something beneath the surface.

7) They’re often self-critical

Have you ever noticed a woman who seems strong, but consistently downplays her achievements or is overly critical of herself? This could be a sign that underneath her show of strength, she is overwhelmed.

Self-criticism often stems from a place of insecurity or fear. It’s a way of controlling the narrative before anyone else can criticize them.

Recognizing this behavior can help us offer reassurance and positive reinforcement to these women.

Let them know that they are enough, just as they are, and that it’s okay to celebrate their victories, no matter how small.

8) They rarely ask for help

Finally, women who pretend to be strong but feel overwhelmed often hesitate to ask for help. Their desire to appear capable and independent can lead them to take on more than they can handle alone.

It’s crucial to remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it takes immense courage to admit that you need assistance.

If you notice someone struggling but not reaching out, offer a helping hand. Sometimes, knowing that help is available can make all the difference.

Final thoughts

A quote by British author Matt Haig comes to mind: “The world is increasingly designed to depress us. Happiness isn’t very good for the economy.”

In a world that often demands we be strong and perfect, it’s crucial to remember that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It’s okay to reach out for help.

Recognizing these behaviors in the women around us is just the first step. The next step is reaching out, offering support, and most importantly – showing empathy.

Because at the end of the day, we are all humans navigating this complex and challenging journey called life. And sometimes, all we need is a little understanding and a kind word to make that journey just a bit easier.