It’s a frustrating cycle, isn’t it? Attracting the same type of men, the ones we tend to label as ‘jerks’.

The difference between falling into the trap of a jerk and attracting a decent guy often comes down to our own behaviors. These patterns might be so subtle that you don’t even realize you’re doing them.

But here’s the good news – it’s not about changing who you are. It’s about tweaking a few things in how you present yourself and interact with others.

In this article, we’ll explore seven behaviors women typically display that attract the wrong kind of men, often without even knowing it. It’s time to break that cycle!

1) Overlooking red flags

We’ve all been there. Caught in the whirlwind of a fresh romance, it’s easy to ignore those little warnings in the back of our minds.

These are called red flags. They’re indicators that something isn’t quite right. But in the heat of the moment, we often push them aside and make excuses for the jerk-like behaviors we’re witnessing.

This is a common trap that many women fall into. They overlook the signs of a jerk in the hopeful pursuit of love.

This is not about being paranoid or overly suspicious. It’s about recognizing when someone’s actions are disrespectful or unkind and addressing it instead of brushing it under the carpet.

So ladies, trust your intuition. If something feels off, it probably is. Recognizing red flags early on can save you a lot of heartache down the line.

2) Ignoring personal boundaries

This one hits close to home for me. I remember a time when I would let my boundaries slide in the name of love.

Boundaries are vital in any relationship. They’re the lines we draw to protect our mental, emotional, and physical well-being. But sometimes, in our quest for love, we may let these boundaries slide.

I remember dating a guy who would constantly cancel plans at the last minute or turn up an hour late without an explanation.

It was disrespectful and it made me feel undervalued. But I made excuses for him, saying he was just ‘too busy’ or ‘a bit forgetful’.

Looking back, I realize I was ignoring my personal boundaries of respect and consideration. And by doing so, I was inadvertently attracting more jerks who didn’t respect my time or feelings.

Remember, your boundaries matter. If someone consistently disrespects them, it’s a clear sign they’re not the right fit for you.

3) Playing the rescuer

In psychology, there’s a concept called the “drama triangle“. This model of social interaction and conflict describes three roles: the victim, the persecutor, and the rescuer.

Some women have a tendency to play the role of the rescuer, especially in romantic relationships.

They see a man with issues – be it emotional baggage, addiction struggles, or just plain bad behavior – and they want to save him. They believe their love can change him.

But here’s the thing: You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to save themselves. More often than not, trying to ‘rescue’ a jerk only leads to frustration and heartbreak.

Relationships should be partnerships, not rescue missions. It’s important to find someone who is capable of taking care of themselves and contributing equally to the relationship.

4) Lowering standards

While we all have flaws and nobody is perfect, there’s a difference between accepting human imperfection and lowering your standards.

Some women, often without realizing it, lower their standards in relationships. They might put up with behaviors they shouldn’t, like constant lateness or disrespect.

But here’s the thing: what we tolerate, we invite. By accepting less than what you deserve, you’re sending a clear message to jerks that it’s okay to treat you poorly.

It’s essential to know your worth and set your standards accordingly. Don’t worry, the right person will rise up to meet them.

5) Fear of being alone

This one can be a hard pill to swallow. I’ve been there myself – staying in a relationship that wasn’t good for me simply because I was terrified of being alone.

Research shows that this fear can often lead to settling for less than we deserve. It’s as if any relationship, even a bad one, seems better than no relationship at all.

But let me tell you from experience, being alone is far better than being with a jerk who disrespects you or makes you feel small.

It’s okay to be single. In fact, it can be a powerful time for self-growth and discovery. So don’t let the fear of being alone push you into the arms of a jerk. You’re worth so much more.

6) Lack of self-esteem

Self-esteem plays a crucial role in the kind of people we attract. If you don’t value yourself highly, you’re more likely to end up with someone who also undervalues you.

It’s easy to fall into a pattern where you seek validation from others, especially in romantic relationships. But this can lead to attracting jerks who take advantage of this need for approval.

Building a strong sense of self-worth isn’t an overnight process, but it’s an essential step in attracting better, healthier relationships.

It’s pretty simple — how you view yourself sets the tone for how others treat you. 

7) Ignoring your gut instinct

Your gut instinct is more than just a feeling. It’s your subconscious mind picking up on patterns and inconsistencies faster than your conscious mind can process them.

When it comes to relationships, your gut instinct can often be your best guide. It can warn you when something’s not right, even when you can’t quite put your finger on why.

Ignoring this instinct can often lead to attracting and sticking with the wrong people. So trust in your intuition. It’s one of the most powerful tools you have in avoiding jerks and attracting the right kind of relationship.

Final thought: It starts with you

If you’ve found yourself consistently attracting jerks, it might be time for self-reflection. 

But don’t be too hard on yourself; the truth is, many of us unknowingly fall into patterns that attract the wrong kind of people, and it’s not a reflection of your worth or what you deserve in a relationship.

The good news is that awareness is the first step toward change. By acknowledging these habits and actively working to shift them, you can start attracting the kind of partners who respect, value, and genuinely care for you.

It’s all about setting boundaries, understanding your own needs, and refusing to settle for less than what you truly deserve.

When you focus on building a strong relationship with yourself first, you’ll naturally attract people who align with your values and who treat you the way you want to be treated.

It’s never too late to break the cycle and open the door to healthier, more fulfilling relationships. So take a step back, reflect, and remember – the power to attract healthier relationships begins with you.