My mother used to say, “A woman without friends is like a flower without sunlight.”

It’s true, isn’t it? Friendships breathe life into our existence, adding depth, color, and warmth to our world. But what if you’re finding it hard to cultivate these vital connections?

It’s possible that you’re unknowingly displaying certain behaviors that are keeping would-be friends at bay.

This article unpacks some subtle habits that might be standing in the way of forming those deep, meaningful friendships every woman deserves.

1) Being overly independent

Independence is a virtue, no doubt about it.

Being able to stand on your own two feet, take care of yourself, and make decisions without relying on others is commendable.

But here’s the catch.

If you’re too independent, to the point where you avoid asking for help or sharing your experiences with others, it could be perceived as aloofness. This could inadvertently push potential friends away.

Remember, friendship is about give and take.

It’s okay to lean on others sometimes and let them lean on you. It’s through these shared experiences that strong, lasting friendships are formed.

So don’t be afraid to show vulnerability and let people in. It’s not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of trust.

2) Not taking the initiative

This is something that hit close to home for me.

I used to think that if people wanted to hang out with me, they’d reach out. I’d wait for invitations to social gatherings, movie nights, or just an afternoon coffee chat. But they seldom came.

Then it dawned on me.

I was not putting in the effort. I was not reaching out to others, not taking the initiative to plan gatherings or even simple catch-ups.

Friendships are a two-way street. They require effort from both sides. If you’re always waiting for others to make the first move, you might end up feeling left out.

It’s important to show interest and take the initiative in maintaining and building friendships. Once I started doing that, my social circle started to grow and my relationships deepened.

3) Avoiding vulnerability

Let’s strip it down to the bare bones.

Being vulnerable is scary. It’s like standing in the middle of a busy street, naked, with all your insecurities and fears on display.  Who’d want to do that, right?

But here’s what I’ve learned.

The magic of friendship often happens in those raw, unfiltered moments when we let our guard down. It’s when we share our fears, our dreams, our failures, and our triumphs that we form a bond that’s hard to break.

I’ve had my fair share of surface-level friendships, where conversations revolve around fashion trends, celebrity gossip, and weekend plans.

But it’s the friendships where we’ve cried together, laughed together, and shared our deepest secrets that have stood the test of time.

Don’t shy away from being real. The best friendships are built on a foundation of authenticity. It may be intimidating at first, but the reward is worth it.

Take off your armor and let your true self shine through. After all, those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter.

4) Failing to listen

Listening is an art, and not everyone has mastered it.

We often get so caught up in our own thoughts and opinions that we forget to truly listen to what the other person is saying. It’s a common pitfall, and one that I’ve been guilty of more times than I’d like to admit.

But here’s the deal.

People want to be heard. They want to know that their thoughts, feelings, and experiences matter. When you listen – really listen – you’re telling the other person that they’re important to you.

Research says that listening promotes understanding, builds trust, and strengthens the bond of friendship. The next time you’re having a conversation, resist the urge to interrupt or steer the conversation back to yourself.

Instead, focus on the other person. Ask follow-up questions. Show genuine interest in what they’re saying. You’ll be surprised at how much this simple act can enhance your relationships.

5) Neglecting body language

It’s not just about what you say, but how you say it.

Older research suggests that up to 93% of communication is nonverbal. Now, while that might not be exactly true, our body language still plays a huge role in how our messages are received.

Crossed arms, lack of eye contact, constantly checking your phone – these seemingly small behaviors can send a strong message of disinterest or unavailability to potential friends.

On the flip side, maintaining eye contact, leaning in during conversations, and nodding in agreement can show that you’re engaged and interested.

Be mindful of your body language. It might be communicating more than you think.

6) Being too hard on yourself

We all have flaws, make mistakes, and have those awkward moments that make us want to crawl under a rock. It’s part of being human.

But here’s something to remember.

Your worth is not defined by your mistakes or your awkward moments. And anyone who makes you feel otherwise is not worth your time or energy.

Being a good friend starts with being a good friend to yourself. Embrace your quirks, laugh at your blunders, and treat yourself with kindness.

When you love and accept yourself, you create a positive energy that attracts others. You’re doing the best you can. And that’s more than enough.

7) Forgetting the golden rule

Treat others the way you want to be treated.

It’s a simple rule that we’ve all heard since kindergarten, but it holds a powerful truth. When it comes to building and maintaining friendships, reciprocity is key.

Be the kind of friend you would want to have. Be there in times of need, celebrate the good times, and offer a shoulder to cry on in the bad times. Show respect, kindness, and understanding.

In the end, genuine friendships are not about how many people you know, but about the quality of the relationships you have. It’s about mutual respect, understanding, and compassion. It’s about being there for each other in good times and bad.

Always remember the golden rule. It’s a simple but effective guideline for building strong, lasting friendships.

Final thoughts

If you see yourself in these behaviors, don’t be disheartened.

Consider it a step towards self-awareness, a pivotal part of personal growth. It’s okay to stumble; in fact, it’s part of the journey.

The act of recognizing these patterns is powerful. It’s the first step towards transformation.

Friendships are forged in authenticity. By embracing who you are, you’ll attract people who accept and appreciate the real you.

Reflect on these behaviors, make conscious efforts to change where needed, and watch as your social connections deepen and grow.