Achievement and self-love can be two different things.

You can be a highly successful woman, but still struggle to appreciate yourself. It seems paradoxical, but it’s a reality for many women.

Often, these struggles manifest in subtle behaviors that others might not even notice. But I’ve noticed. And more importantly, I’ve been there.

In this article, we’ll explore 8 subtle behaviors that are common among successful women who struggle with self-love.

1) Perfectionism

As women, we’re often expected to be perfect in every aspect of our lives. We’re supposed to be excellent workers, caring mothers, supportive friends – and to look good while doing it all.

And for the high-achieving women among us, this expectation is often internalized into a relentless drive for perfection.

Perfectionism itself isn’t necessarily bad. It can push us to strive for excellence and achieve great things. But when it’s paired with a lack of self-love, it can become debilitating.

The need to be perfect can lead to constant self-criticism and the feeling that we’re never good enough, no matter how much we achieve.

So if you see a successful woman who seems to have everything, but is always pushing herself harder and harder without ever taking time to celebrate her achievements, it might be a sign that she’s struggling with self-love.

2) Discomfort with compliments

I remember a time when I was given a significant promotion at work. My colleagues were genuinely happy for me and showered me with praises. However, instead of accepting these compliments with grace, I found myself downplaying my achievements. I would say things like, “Oh, I just got lucky,” or “There were so many other deserving candidates.”

Reflecting back, I realize that this was a classic sign of struggling with self-love. Despite having achieved a lot in life, I was uncomfortable with being recognized for my accomplishments.

If you find yourself or someone else deflecting praise or feeling uncomfortable with compliments, it’s likely a subtle sign of the struggle with self-love.

3) Overworking

We live in a society that often equates busyness with importance. The more tasks we juggle, the more valued we seem to feel.

For successful women who struggle with self-love, this can turn into a vicious cycle. They may feel compelled to work harder and longer to prove their worth, often at the expense of their own health and well-being.

Studies have shown that long work hours can lead to a myriad of health issues, including stress, sleep disorders, and even heart disease. Yet, the need to continually prove oneself can override these concerns.

If a high-achieving woman is always the first to arrive and last to leave, constantly checking emails during off hours or rarely takes a vacation, it may be indicative of a deeper struggle with self-love.

4) Difficulty saying no

Successful women are often great at juggling multiple responsibilities and commitments. But sometimes, this ability to multitask can lead to overcommitment.

The struggle to say ‘no’ is common among women who have achieved a lot, yet lack self-love. They often feel an inherent need to please others and fear that saying ‘no’ might lead to rejection or disappointment.

However, constantly saying ‘yes’ can lead to burnout and resentment. It’s a delicate balancing act – one that requires acknowledging your own needs and boundaries.

So if you find a successful woman always agreeing to take on more, despite an already full plate, it could be a subtle sign of her struggle with self-love.

5) Neglecting personal needs

Imagine being in a plane that’s going down. The flight attendants always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. It’s not selfish; it’s survival.

Yet, in life, many successful women who struggle with self-love tend to ignore their own ‘oxygen masks’. They put everyone else’s needs before their own, often to the point of self-neglect.

It’s heartbreaking to see women who have achieved so much, yet don’t believe they’re deserving of the same care and attention they give to others.

If you notice a woman who always puts herself last, it could be a subtle sign of her battle with self-love.

6) Self-deprecating humor

I’ve always been the one to lighten the mood with a good joke. But often, I found myself as the punchline. I’d make fun of my own mistakes, my appearance, or even my successes. It was all in jest, of course.

However, over time I realized that these seemingly harmless jokes were a form of self-deprecation. It was easier to laugh at myself before others had a chance to.

This is common among successful women struggling with self-love. They might mask their insecurities with humor, downplaying their worth and achievements.

If you know a woman who’s often making herself the butt of the joke, it could be a subtle sign of her struggle with self-love.

7) Taking criticism to heart

Constructive criticism is a part of life, particularly in professional settings. It can help us grow and improve. However, for some successful women who struggle with self-love, any form of criticism can be devastating.

Instead of seeing it as an opportunity for growth, they may view it as a validation of their innermost fears – that they’re not good enough or that their achievements are undeserved.

They may ruminate over the criticism, letting it overshadow their accomplishments and lower their self-esteem.

So if you see a successful woman taking criticism too personally or being overly affected by it, it’s likely a subtle sign of her struggle with self-love.

8) Fear of failure

At the heart of many successful women who struggle with self-love lies a deep-seated fear of failure. They’ve worked so hard to get where they are, and the thought of losing it all can be paralyzing.

This fear often pushes them to work harder, to be perfect, and to avoid risks. It can hold them back from pursuing new opportunities or stepping out of their comfort zone.

Remember, it’s okay to fail. In fact, failure can be a stepping stone to success. But for a woman struggling with self-love, this fact can be hard to internalize.

So if you see a successful woman who seems terrified of failing or making mistakes, it’s likely a subtle sign of her struggle with self-love.