Do you find yourself in one toxic relationship after another, no matter how hard you try to choose differently?

If so,  you may be wondering, “What am I doing wrong?” 

While the way others treat you is NEVER your fault, if you continuously find yourself in relationships with toxic men, you might unknowingly be exhibiting certain behaviors that attract them.

As a relationship expert who has seen this pattern in women time and time again, I can tell you that awareness is the key to breaking free. And I’m gonna help you do just that!

Here are eight behaviors that you need to let go off to get our of this toxic cycle.

1) Ignoring red flags

We’ve all been there, caught up in the whirlwind of a new relationship, the butterflies, the excitement. It’s easy to get swept away.

But in this heady state, we sometimes overlook the warning signs. These are what we call red flags – indicators that something might be off with this person or this relationship.

Ignoring red flags is the first behavior I’ve noticed in women who consistently attract toxic men. It might be that they’re:

• Not treating you with respect
• Are overly controlling
• Are dismissive of your feelings

The thing is, we often see these signs but choose to ignore them. Maybe we think they’ll change, or it’s just a phase, or we’re ‘overreacting’.

But if history has taught us anything, it’s that red flags are there for a reason. They’re warnings, caution signs that this person might not be good for you.

Recognizing and acknowledging these red flags can be a crucial step in breaking the cycle of attracting toxic men. As the saying goes, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

2) Lack of self-love

As your friend and relationship expert, I’ve noticed that women who attract toxic men often struggle with self-love.

Self-love isn’t about being narcissistic or thinking you’re better than others. It’s about recognizing your own worth and understanding that you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

When we don’t love ourselves, we’re more likely to accept behavior that we shouldn’t. We might think we don’t deserve better, or that toxic behavior is the best we can hope for.

But here’s the truth, my friends: You are valuable. You are worthy of love. And you absolutely deserve a relationship that is healthy, respectful, and loving.

3) Codependency

Another common behavior I see is codependency.

This is when you rely on your partner for your self-worth, happiness, and identity. And let me tell you, it’s a tough cycle to break.

In a codependent relationship, you might find yourself constantly putting your partner’s needs above your own. You might neglect your own friends, hobbies, or self-care, focusing solely on pleasing your partner.

But here’s what I want you to remember: You are your own person. Your happiness should not solely depend on someone else – it’s too heavy a burden to place on their shoulders.

Learning to break free from codependency can be a game-changer in attracting healthier relationships.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I dive deeper into this topic and provide practical steps on how to overcome this destructive behavior.

4) Over-communicating

Now, this might seem counterintuitive. We’re often told that communication is key in a relationship, right?

Well, yes, but too much of anything can turn into a bad thing.

Over-communicating is a behavior I’ve seen in women who often attract toxic men.

It’s when you overshare or constantly seek validation from your partner. You might feel the need to share every single thought, feeling or trivial detail of your day.

Excessive communication can create an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship. It can come off as needy or clingy and may attract men who seek to exploit this vulnerability.

Now, don’t get me wrong, open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship. But it’s also important to maintain a sense of self and independence.

So let’s learn to strike a balance. Share, but also hold back sometimes. Communicate, but also allow for some silence and solitude. It’s okay to keep some thoughts to yourself and enjoy your own company.

5) Forgiving too easily

As a relationship expert, and more importantly, as a woman who’s been in the dating game, I know it’s in our nature to be forgiving. We often give second chances, third chances, even fourth chances.

Forgiving too easily is another common behavior I’ve seen in women who regularly attract toxic men. It seems like no matter what the man does or how he treats them, they’re quick to forgive and forget.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. Forgiveness is a beautiful and necessary part of any relationship.

But there’s a fine line between forgiving and allowing ourselves to be disrespected or mistreated.

Forgiveness should come with change. If you’re always forgiving but the toxic behavior remains the same, it might be time to reconsider.

Let’s learn to set boundaries and uphold them. Because self-respect attracts respect from others.

6) Fear of being alone

Ladies, let’s get real for a moment.

The fear of being alone is a powerful, raw emotion that many of us experience, and it can sometimes lead us into the arms of the wrong person.

I’ve seen this fear push women into toxic relationships and keep them there, simply because they’re terrified of being single.

But here’s the honest truth: Being alone can be empowering. It can be a time to:

• Discover yourself, your passions, your strengths
• Build your self-esteem
• Learn to love yourself without needing validation from a ma.

So let’s shift our perspective. Let’s see being single not as something scary, but as an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

Believe me, it’s much better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone.

7) Low self-esteem

From personal experience and years of coaching, I can tell you that low self-esteem is a common thread in women who attract toxic men.

When we don’t value ourselves, we tend to attract people who mirror that lack of self-worth.

In contrast, when we recognize our worth and love ourselves, we naturally attract people who value and respect us.

Low self-esteem can make us settle for less than we deserve. It can make us tolerate disrespect, unkindness, and manipulation.

But you know what?

You are worth so much more. So work on building your self-esteem, because you, my friend, are worthy of love and respect.

8) Ignoring personal growth

This is the raw, honest truth: Attracting healthy relationships often starts with us.

I’ve noticed that women who consistently attract toxic men often ignore their own personal growth. They become so entangled in their relationships that they forget about their own needs, desires, and growth.

A relationship should never be your whole life. It should be a part of your life, complementing your own personal journey.

As relationship coach, Matthew P. Hoffman explains, personal growth is key to developing a healthy relationship.

When we ignore personal growth, we can enter a cycle of attracting the same kind of toxic men. It’s like being stuck in a loop, repeating the same mistakes.

Breaking this cycle requires self-reflection, self-awareness, and self-improvement. It means growing from your experiences and using them to become a stronger, wiser version of yourself.

So make a commitment today to prioritize your personal growth. Because when we grow as individuals, we pave the way for healthier relationships.

Conclusion

Breaking free from the cycle of toxic relationships starts with self-awareness and change.

By recognizing and addressing these eight behaviors, you can shift the patterns that have been drawing toxic individuals into your life.

It’s not about blaming yourself but understanding how subtle actions and choices can impact your relationships.

In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve deeper into these topics and provide practical strategies to help you navigate through these changes.

With time, patience, and a commitment to personal growth, you can create a healthier, more fulfilling relationship dynamic.