My mom always used to say, “Not everything that glitters is gold.”

I mean, who hasn’t met someone who seems so nice on the surface but left you feeling somewhat uneasy? Trust me, we’ve all been there.

Here’s the deal.

Unbeknownst to them, these seemingly pleasant individuals may exhibit certain behaviors that could be seen as manipulative under scrutiny. It’s not always intentional, but it can certainly cause ripples in relationships.

Now, hold that thought and ponder on this:

“What are these behaviors that women who are charming on the outside but subtly controlling underneath usually display without even realizing?”

If this question has sparked your curiosity, then stick around. I’m about to delve into this fascinating subject matter.

Remember: The goal isn’t to point fingers or stereotype. It’s to shed light on some patterns of behavior you might have not noticed before. Now, let’s get started.

1) Compliments with a twist

Remember that friend who always compliments you, but somehow leaves you feeling slightly off? Well, let me explain.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Compliments are great. They can brighten up a day and boost our confidence. But sometimes, they come with a slight twist.

Here’s the catch.

Some women, who appear pleasant on the surface, have a knack for infusing their compliments with subtle undercuts. It’s like they’re gifting you a beautiful flower with thorns hidden beneath the petals.

For instance, they might say, “I love how you just wear anything” or “You’re so brave to voice such unconventional opinions.”

See what I mean?

These are compliments on the surface, but they carry an underlying negative implication. It’s subtle, it’s sneaky, and most importantly, it’s manipulative – even if unintentional.

So, next time, listen closely. Not just to the words spoken but also to the undertones that come with them.

2) Control under the guise of concern

I will never forget my encounter with Sarah, a colleague from a few years back.

Sarah was always pleasant, always smiling. She was the kind of person who always asked about your weekend plans and remembered your cat’s name. But there was something else about Sarah that I couldn’t quite put my finger on until much later.

Here’s the story.

One day, I shared with her that I was planning to take a solo trip. Immediately, Sarah expressed her concern. She gently reminded me of the potential dangers and wisely suggested that I should reconsider.

At first, I appreciated her concern. But as time went on, I noticed a pattern. Sarah had a habit of wrapping her controlling tendencies in a cloak of well-meaning advice.

It wasn’t just about the trip. It was about which projects I should take up at work, what food I should avoid eating, even how I should spend my free time.

And the funny thing?

She probably didn’t even realize she was being manipulative. In her mind, she was just looking out for me.

Remember to assert your independence even when faced with well-disguised attempts to control your decisions. Advice is valuable, but ultimately, you’re the one in charge of your life choices.

3) The martyr card

We’ve all encountered someone like this in our lives, haven’t we? She’s the one who’s always there for everyone, the one who can’t say no, the one who sacrifices her time and energy for others. On the surface, she’s a saint. But dig a little deeper and you’ll find something else at play.

Let me paint you a picture.

She’s the woman who stays late at the office to finish up a project, not because she has to, but because she wants to ensure everything is perfect. Then, she uses her sacrifice as a bargaining chip, subtly reminding everyone of how much she’s done.

Or maybe she’s your friend who insists on hosting every gathering, only to later complain about how much work it was and how no one appreciates her efforts.

This is a tough one to spot because it’s cloaked in such selflessness. But make no mistake, it’s manipulative. It places others in a constant state of indebtedness, making them feel obligated to return the favor or act according to her expectations.

It’s essential to remember that genuine kindness comes without strings attached. Be aware of those who constantly play the martyr card and subtly use their sacrifices to manipulate others. They may not even realize they’re doing it, but now you might.

4) Emotional blackmail

Now, this one is a bit tricky. It’s subtle, it’s emotional, and it often comes from those who are closest to us.

Let me tell you what I mean.

Have you ever had a situation where someone close to you expresses their disappointment or sadness when you don’t comply with their wishes? They might say things like, “I thought you cared about me” or “I’m hurt that you can’t make time for me.”

These statements are designed to make you feel guilty, to make you question your actions and ultimately manipulate you into doing what they want.

The worst part?

They probably don’t even realize they’re doing it. They genuinely believe that their feelings are being hurt. But in reality, it’s a subconscious mechanism to control the situation and get what they want.

It’s important to remember that everyone has the right to express their feelings, but it becomes a problem when feelings are used as a weapon to manipulate others.

5) Victim playing

You might be surprised to learn that some individuals have a peculiar way of always painting themselves as the victim, no matter the situation. It’s a behavior psychologists call “victim playing” or “victim mentality.”

Here’s how it works.

A woman who seems perfectly pleasant might have a habit of always presenting herself as the one who’s been wronged. She could twist any situation around to make it seem as if she’s the one who’s suffering, even when she’s clearly at fault.

Why does she do this?

Well, it’s a clever way to gain sympathy and attention. It also conveniently shifts the blame away from her, making it difficult for anyone to hold her responsible for her actions.

It’s quite an effective form of manipulation – so much so that the person doing it may not even realize what she’s doing.

But now that you know about it, you can keep an eye out for such behavior and ensure you don’t fall prey to this subtle form of manipulation.

6) Constantly seeking validation

We all have insecurities, don’t we? It’s part of being human. Sometimes we need validation from others to feel good about ourselves. But when it becomes a consistent pattern, it’s worth paying attention to.

Picture this.

A woman who is sweet and friendly, always seeking compliments and reassurance. She might constantly downplay her achievements or put herself down, just so others will disagree and compliment her instead.

It’s a subtle form of manipulation – one that aims to constantly keep the focus on her.

But here’s the thing.

This behavior often stems from a deep-seated insecurity or lack of self-esteem. She may not even realize she’s being manipulative. In her mind, she’s just trying to feel better about herself.

So if you come across someone like this, try to approach the situation with understanding and empathy. It might be that they need more than just a compliment – they might be in need of genuine emotional support or professional help to overcome their insecurities.

7) Feigning ignorance

The most important thing to remember is this: some women who appear pleasant may habitually pretend to not understand or be aware of certain things.

It’s a subtle tactic that allows them to avoid responsibility or manipulate situations to their advantage. For example, they might ‘forget’ an important conversation or play innocent when confronted about something they’ve done.

This habit of conveniently forgetting or feigning ignorance can be incredibly manipulative. It allows them to control the narrative, shift blame, and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

And the truth is, they might not even realize they’re doing it. But now that you know, you can be prepared and handle such situations with wisdom and tact.

Final thoughts

If you’ve found yourself nodding along to these signs, it’s possible you’ve encountered someone who’s pleasant on the surface, but manipulative underneath. But remember, often they themselves might not be aware of their behavior.

Here’s the silver lining – recognizing these signs is the first step to navigating such situations better.

Start by acknowledging these patterns when you see them. This awareness alone can help you respond more effectively. Stand your ground when needed, and remember it’s okay to express your feelings and desires.

But let’s not forget empathy. It’s essential to remember that these behaviors often stem from deep-seated insecurities and fears. Understanding this doesn’t excuse manipulation, but it helps us approach such individuals with compassion.

In the end, it’s all about balance – standing up for ourselves while maintaining empathy for others.

So as you reflect on these patterns and behaviors, remember – this knowledge isn’t meant to breed suspicion or fear. It’s here to empower you, helping you navigate your relationships with more understanding and wisdom.

And who knows? In this journey of understanding others, you might just uncover deeper insights about yourself.