Women who are independent on the surface but lonely underneath often display these 7 behaviors

Lucas Graham by Lucas Graham | June 15, 2024, 12:13 pm

Behind the poised exterior of independence, a hidden truth often lurks—loneliness. For many women, the burden of solitude weighs heavy despite their strong facade.

These 7 behaviors serve as silent signals, revealing the silent battle waged beneath the surface. From subtle shifts in demeanor to nuanced interactions, each behavior tells a tale of unspoken yearning for connection. 

It’s a paradoxical journey of outward strength and inward vulnerability, where independence masks the ache of solitude. Join us as we delve into the depths of this paradox, uncovering the complexities that lie within the hearts of independent yet lonely women.

1) They push people away

We’ve all had those times when we needed to keep others at arm’s length, haven’t we? I know I have.

In my early twenties, I prided myself on being fiercely independent. I was convinced I could do everything on my own. But deep down, it was a defense mechanism, a way to keep people from getting too close.

I thought independence equated to strength, and dependence was a sign of weakness. Now, I realize that pushing people away only led to loneliness.

You might resonate with this behavior. Pay attention. It could be a sign of underlying loneliness.

2) They immerse themselves in work

Remember that time when you stayed late at work, not because you had to but because you wanted to avoid going home to an empty house?

I’ve been there too.

I used to bury myself in work thinking it would distract me from the loneliness. But it only amplified it.

Being independent doesn’t mean you have to isolate yourself or immerse yourself in work to the point of exhaustion. It’s okay to lean on others sometimes. In fact, it’s necessary.

3) They prefer solo adventures

Independent women are natural adventurers, fearless in their pursuit of new experiences. They relish solo travel, savor solitary dining, and revel in movie nights for one.

There’s an undeniable thrill in navigating a foreign city solo or indulging in a quiet meal without the need for small talk, isn’t there?

Yet, within this freedom lies a paradox. The very strength and self-reliance that define them can also trap them in a cycle of solitude. Society applauds their independence, but beneath the surface confidence often lurks a longing for connection.

As they continue to embrace solo pursuits, there’s a risk of perpetuating this cycle, masking feelings of loneliness with a facade of independence. Join us as we unravel the complexities of the independent woman’s journey, navigating the delicate balance between freedom and solitude.

4) They’re always there for others

Isn’t it ironic that the people who are always there for others often feel the loneliest?

I’ve seen it time and time again. Independent women are typically the pillars of their community. They’re the ones everyone turns to for support or guidance.

They’re the shoulder to cry on, the giver of sage advice, the provider of comfort. They’re so good at taking care of others that they often neglect their own needs.

They smile, lend a hand, and offer a comforting word, all while hiding their own loneliness. It’s a heavy burden to bear.

5) They’re experts at hiding their feelings

Let me tell you a little secret. I’ve mastered the art of hiding my feelings.

As a self-proclaimed independent woman, I’ve often felt the need to put on a brave face. Smile through the pain. Act strong when I was falling apart inside. Sound familiar?

I would conceal my emotions, fearing vulnerability would make me look weak. But the truth? It only deepened my isolation.

If you’re doing the same, listen up: Embracing your feelings isn’t weakness—it’s humanity. And guess what? It could be the key to further self-discovery and dispelling that hidden loneliness.

6) They avoid deep connections

Building deep, meaningful connections can be terrifying, can’t it? It’s like baring your soul to another person, and that’s not an easy thing to do.

I’ve noticed that many independent women, including myself at times, avoid forming these deep connections. We’re comfortable with surface-level interactions because they’re safe. They don’t require us to be vulnerable or emotionally exposed.

But here’s the thing: avoiding deep connections can lead to feelings of disconnection and loneliness. It can leave us yearning for more, even if we don’t quite understand what that ‘more’ is.

7) They seldom ask for help

Did you know that asking for help can actually make you appear more competent, not less? A study from Harvard Business School found that people who ask for advice are often seen as more competent by their peers.

Being an independent woman, I’ve faced the daunting task of seeking assistance head-on. It seemed like a surrender, a confession of inadequacy in my ability to manage solo.

Let’s get real—asking for help doesn’t equate to weakness or failure. It’s a testament to your wisdom, acknowledging when a helping hand could lighten the load and propel you forward.

Try practicing self-compassion 

In conclusion, these seven behaviors serve as poignant reminders of the complexities beneath the surface of independence. For many women, the facade of self-reliance masks a deeper struggle with loneliness. 

Let us not overlook the silent cries for connection, but instead, extend empathy and support to those who navigate this delicate balance. Remember, independence doesn’t preclude the need for human connection; it merely underscores its importance.

Through compassion and awareness, we empower one another to break free from the shackles of loneliness and embrace the richness of genuine connection.