7 ways to start standing up for yourself, even if it’s not in your nature

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | July 28, 2024, 11:19 am

Quiet, accommodating, a bit of a pushover – that used to be me.

The idea of asserting myself was as foreign as trying to become an Olympic sprinter overnight.

But let me tell you, that’s a perception I’ve had to work hard to change.

Because here’s the truth.

Standing up for yourself isn’t about changing your personality or becoming someone you’re not. It’s about learning to value your feelings and needs and being able to express them in a respectful way.

So, if you’re like me and often find yourself wondering, “How can I start standing up for myself?” I’ve got some good news for you.

I’ve discovered seven ways to start standing up for yourself, even if it’s not in your nature. And I’m confident they can help you too.

Let’s dive in!

1) Understand your worth

Before you can start standing up for yourself, there’s a fundamental truth you need to understand: you are worth standing up for.

Sounds simple, right?

But it’s something that so many of us forget or overlook, especially when we’re used to going with the flow or avoiding conflict.

Take a moment, right now, to let that fact sink in. Your thoughts, feelings, and needs are important. And you have every right to express them.

So, make it a habit to remind yourself of your worth. Write it down in a journal, say it out loud in the mirror – whatever works for you.

Because once you truly understand your worth, standing up for yourself will start to feel less like a mountainous task and more like a fundamental part of being true to yourself.

2) Start small

It took me a while to realize that standing up for myself didn’t mean I had to jump into the deep end and start tackling every confrontation head-on.

In fact, it was quite the opposite.

I found it was more about taking small, manageable steps to assert myself.

For instance, I used to avoid expressing my opinion in group settings, fearing I might upset someone or cause a disagreement.

But one day, during a team meeting at work, I decided to voice my thoughts on a project we were discussing.

Sure, it was uncomfortable. My voice shook a little and my palms were sweaty.

But guess what?

The world didn’t end. In fact, my colleagues appreciated my input and it added value to our discussion.

This small step gave me the confidence I needed to continue standing up for myself in other situations.

So remember, you don’t need to move mountains overnight. Start small and gradually build up your assertiveness.

3) Learn to say no

Let’s face it – saying no is hard. Particularly when it’s to someone you care about, or when you’re worried about the potential backlash.

But if I’ve learnt anything in my journey to assertiveness, it’s that saying “no” is a crucial part of standing up for myself.

I remember this one time when a friend asked me to help organize her birthday party.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my friend and I love parties. But that particular week, I was swamped with work and barely had time to breathe.

The old me would have said yes without a second thought, putting my own needs aside in the process.

But this time, I paused. I took a deep breath, and I said no.

Yes, it was uncomfortable. And yes, there was a moment of silence on the other end of the line. But my friend understood and appreciated my honesty.

And guess what? It felt liberating!

So give it a try.

The next time you’re tempted to say “yes” when you really want to say “no”, take a deep breath and stand your ground.

It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it’ll get easier with time. And trust me – it’s worth it!

4) Practice self-compassion

Self-compassion is about being kind to yourself, especially during tough times.

And trust me, standing up for yourself can sometimes feel like a tough time.

Why?

Because there will be moments of self-doubt.

Moments when you second-guess your decisions, wondering if you’re being too harsh or too demanding.

I’ve been there. I’ve questioned myself, berated myself for not handling a situation differently, or for potentially upsetting someone.

But here’s what I’ve learned: beating yourself up doesn’t help.

In fact, it only makes it harder for you to stand up for yourself in the future.

Instead, try practicing self-compassion.

Acknowledge your feelings without judging them.

Remind yourself that it’s okay to prioritize your needs, that it’s okay to say no.

Remember, standing up for yourself is a journey.

And like any journey, it will have its ups and downs. So be kind to yourself along the way.

5) Boost your confidence through body language

Did you know that the way you carry yourself physically can have a significant impact on how you feel mentally?

Research shows that adopting ‘power poses’ – standing tall with your chest out and head held high, for instance – can actually increase your feelings of confidence and power.

I used to slouch, avoid eye contact, and keep my voice low – all signs of a lack of self-assuredness.

But when I learned about the power of body language, I decided to give it a shot.

I started consciously:

  • Correcting my posture
  • Maintaining eye contact during conversations
  • Speaking in a firm, clear voice

As I practiced these small changes, I began to feel more confident.

And with that confidence came an increased ability to stand up for myself.

So, the next time you find yourself in a situation where you need to assert yourself, remember to pay attention to your body language.

Stand tall, look the other person in the eye, and speak clearly. You might be surprised by the difference it makes!

6) Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes

Standing up for yourself is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice.

And guess what? Practice involves making mistakes.

Believe me, I’ve had my fair share of blunders. I’ve been too assertive at times, leading to unnecessary conflict.

Other times, I’ve not been assertive enough, leading to feelings of frustration and resentment.

But here’s the thing – every mistake was a learning opportunity, a chance to reflect and improve.

They’ve helped shape me into the person I am today – someone who can confidently stand up for themselves.

So if you’re worried about getting it wrong, let me reassure you – it’s okay. Making mistakes doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It just means you’re learning and growing. And that is something to be proud of!

7) Seek support when needed

Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean you have to do it all alone.

In fact, seeking support from trusted friends, family, or a professional can be incredibly helpful.

They can provide a fresh perspective, help you navigate complex emotions, and offer encouragement when things get tough.

Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

It’s a sign of strength. It shows that you value yourself enough to seek the support you need.

And that, my friend, is a crucial part of standing up for yourself.

Embracing the journey

Finding the courage to stand up for yourself is not an overnight transformation.

It’s a journey, one that requires patience, practice, and self-compassion.

You might stumble along the way – I certainly did. There will be moments of discomfort, moments of self-doubt.

But remember, these are all part of the learning process.

They’re not signs of failure, but markers on your path to assertiveness.

The steps we’ve covered here are a guide, but your journey is uniquely yours.

You’ll discover your own rhythms, your own strategies.

You’ll learn what works best for you, and that’s what matters.

So take it one step at a time.

Celebrate your small victories – each time you say no when you want to, each time you voice your opinion even when it’s uncomfortable.

These are all signs of progress, signs that you’re learning to value yourself and your needs.

And finally, remember – it’s okay to seek support along the way.

You’re not alone in this journey.

Reach out to friends, family or professionals when you need it.