12 ways to spot a genuinely confident man according to psychology

Avatar by Paul Brian | March 27, 2024, 12:38 am

A man’s confidence can be attractive and charismatic, charming potential mates and winning over new clients and collaborators in business. 

But how can you spot the real from the fake? 

In a world where many people know how to look the part and say the right words, how can true confidence be rooted out and seen for what it is? 

The key is in a man’s behavior and actions, rather than in surface appearance or stereotypes. 

Let’s dive in:

1) Upright and poised posture

Body language rarely lies, especially when it occurs over a long enough time consistently. 

The way a confident man carries himself is miles away from the way an insecure and hesitant man does. 

Classic signs of a confident guy include having an upright and poised posture and walking tall and confidently

He doesn’t fidget a lot or have slumped shoulders either, but is upright and greets the world head-on. 

2) Consistent and steady eye contact

This ties into the previous point, since eye contact is also an element of body language

Confident men look others in the eye. 

They don’t look down or get nervous when somebody looks at them and they meet the gaze of others in an unafraid and frank way. 

They’re proud of who they are, they’re living confidently and to the best of their ability: they look at others and keep friendly and steady eye contact. 

As psychology professor Tara Well, Ph.D. writes:

“Research finds that direct gaze is associated with confidence, interest, and attraction, while an averted gaze of looking away is related to lack of confidence, rejection, and being socially ostracized.”

3) A relaxed and affable facial expression

Confident men look fairly relaxed and affable most of the time. 

Their face has an expression of: “I got this.”

They smile at others and are friendly and kind, but they don’t go over the top with smiles or niceties, either. 

They emit more of a focused energy, being on task and going about their business while being pleasant and often a bit brisk with those they have everyday interactions with. 

When a man’s on a mission he’s friendly but focused. 

4) Meaningful, limited and clear gestures 

Confident men use meaningful, limited and clear gestures to convey and emphasize what they’re saying. 

They don’t go over the top or wave their arms like they’re slinging spaghetti. 

But they do gesture in a confident and assertive way, highlighting points they’re making and standing behind what they say. 

“When explaining or speaking, a good technique is to imagine lightly holding a beach ball in front of the low to mid-chest and move your hands or arms out in curved movements from that base position,” advises the London Image Institute

“To make a more emphatic point, imagine holding a box followed by straighter fingers and more direct hand and arm movements.”

5) Steady vocal tone and talking speed

Confident guys talk in a steady tone of voice, and they talk at a regular-to-slow speed. 

Movie icons of the 1950s like Humphrey Bogart or Gregory Peck typify this slow and considered way of talking. 

It’s often gone missing in today’s rapid, digital world, but this only makes it all the more noticeable when you meet a man who really talks like a man. 

YouTube video

6) Taking accountability and being forthright

Confident men aren’t afraid to take responsibility. 

They stand behind what they say, follow up on promises they make to the best of their ability and respect the time of others in terms of punctuality. 

They are accountable for what they do, but it’s not so much about being “moral” or nice as it is about being an empowered person. 

Because taking responsibility makes them the author of their own destiny to a certain extent, which is empowering and affirming.

“When we don’t take our own legitimate share of responsibility, we run the danger of losing a sense of our own power or sense of control over our own actions,” notes social worker F. Diane Barth, LCSW

7) Actively listening and hearing others out

Confident men don’t talk all the time or feel a need to be heard and validated. 

They’re perfectly fine being the one listening. 

In fact, they often prefer it. 

That’s their place of power and security. They speak up if they want to, but they don’t beg for anybody’s attention or clamor for it. 

They’d rather listen and talk when somebody asks them a question or their input is needed.

8) Fully focusing on the present 

Confident men are able to live in the present

When a guy really knows his own worth and believes in himself, he doesn’t seek constant distraction or need to daydream. 

He doesn’t dwell on past regrets or nostalgia either. 

He’s living his best life in the here and now and trying to take steps and meet people that will actively improve his life and be an asset.

He’s also looking to add value and contribute himself as well, and be an asset to others. The past and the future are important, but they never take a confident man away from the present when he’s focused on something. 

9) Willingness to make big decisions and take risks when necessary

Confident men handle responsibility well and don’t shirk from duty. 

But they are willing to make big changes and take risks when necessary. They know that if you’re not willing to step out on a limb, you’re always going to end up wondering “what if.”

If they want to do something that aligns with their mission, confident men will do it. 

They’ll look before they leap, to be sure. But at the end of the day they are willing to make those hard decisions and take risks that less confident guys simply won’t. 

“Risk takers showcase self-confidence and a strong belief in their abilities to handle challenges and achieve their goals,” observes Psychology Mental Health Magazine.

“They tend to have a positive outlook, that can contribute to the belief that risks are worth taking and that success is achievable for them.”

10) Takes criticism in stride and learns from it when possible

Men who have high self-esteem don’t get fazed by criticism. 

They take it in stride, even criticism from those they care about and respect deeply. It is what it is. 

What’s important to them is whether the criticism has validity and whether it’s actionable: 

In other words is there something real and action-oriented they can do in response to the criticism or is it just somebody venting and being malicious. 

If it’s the first case, then they’ll try their best to see what they can learn and change in their actions or behavior in order to improve. 

11) Has healthy boundaries on what he will and won’t tolerate

Confident men have limits and they don’t cross them. 

It’s as simple as that. 

Men with less confidence are willing to bend in many small and big ways. They may get convinced to date somebody they don’t want to, or let a friend talk them into going to an event they’re not into. 

The confident man won’t. 

He’s also willing to cut off friends or those he works with who behave in a repeatedly disrespectful or dishonest way. He has limits, and he enforces them. 

12) Doesn’t feel threatened or jealous about other men

He doesn’t get jealous of other guys or feel threatened by them. 

If another guy also likes a woman he’s pursuing, for example, he doesn’t get bitter or focus on trying to sabotage this guy. He also doesn’t try to figure out who the woman likes more. 

He just expresses his interest in the woman, is true to himself and respects that a lot of the situation is out of his control and up to the woman. 

Other high caliber men aren’t a threat to the truly confident guy. He just sees them as colleagues.