7 ways to set healthier boundaries with friends who drain your energy

Ava Sinclair by Ava Sinclair | October 8, 2024, 6:27 pm

You’ve just finished hanging out with a close friend, but instead of feeling fulfilled, you’re emotionally drained.

It’s the same cycle: they vent endlessly, expect your constant attention, and rarely ask how you’re doing.

You care about them, but something needs to change.

Does this sound familiar? Learning to set boundaries can be uncomfortable, especially when it involves close friends.

However, it’s crucial for your mental health.

Setting healthier limits can redefine your relationships, allowing you to care for both your friend and yourself.

Let’s dive into seven strategies that will help you maintain your peace without losing your friendship.

1) Understand your limits

We all have a threshold for what we can tolerate, and it varies from person to person. It’s not a one-size-fits-all situation.

Recognizing your limits is the first step towards setting healthier boundaries.

If a friend is constantly demanding your time, energy, or emotional support, it’s okay to acknowledge that it’s too much for you.

This self-awareness can help you strike a balance between being there for others and not depleting your own energy.

So, take some time to identify what drains you and where you need to draw the line.

2) Practice saying ‘no’

This one was a game-changer for me.

I used to be the person who always said ‘yes’ to everything. I didn’t want to let anyone down, and in the process, I was letting myself down.

One day, a friend asked me for a favor that I really didn’t have the time or energy for.

In the past, I would have agreed without hesitation, but this time, I decided to try something different – I said ‘no’.

The world didn’t end.

My friend understood and we moved on.

That was when I realized it’s okay to say ‘no’ when you need to.

Saying ‘no’ doesn’t make you a bad friend.

It simply means you’re respecting your own boundaries and making your well-being a priority.

Trust me, it gets easier with practice.

3) Choose quality over quantity

Did you know the human brain can only manage a limited number of social relationships?

This is known as Dunbar’s Number, which suggests that we can only maintain about 150 meaningful relationships at a time.

This doesn’t mean you need to cut off all your friends and become a hermit.

Instead, focus on nurturing the friendships that truly add value to your life.

You don’t have to be available for everyone all the time.

It’s better to have fewer, more enriching friendships than many superficial ones.

Prioritize relationships that respect your boundaries and contribute positively to your mental and emotional well-being.

4) Keep communications clear

Miscommunication can often lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary strain on your relationships.

It’s crucial to express your needs clearly and assertively to avoid such issues.

If a friend is crossing your boundaries or draining your energy, don’t shy away from addressing it.

You might fear confrontation, but remember, clear communication is key to any healthy relationship.

Speak up and let your friends know how you’re feeling.

Chances are, they may not even realize they’re overstepping your boundaries.

By being open about your feelings, you can help them understand what you need from the friendship.

5) Prioritize self-care

I used to think that self-care meant indulging in a spa day or taking a luxurious vacation.

But over time, I’ve realized that self-care can be as simple as setting boundaries.

When I faced burnout from trying to be there for everyone, I recognized that

I was neglecting my own needs. I learned that taking care of myself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.

This means making time for activities that recharge you, whether it’s reading a book, going for a run, or simply enjoying some quiet time.

It’s okay to put your needs first sometimes. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Prioritizing self-care helps you maintain your energy levels and prevents you from feeling drained.

6) Reciprocity is key

Friendship is a two-way street.

It’s about give and take. If you find yourself always being the one to listen, support, and help, it might be time to reassess the balance.

Healthy relationships involve mutual respect, understanding, and reciprocity.

If you’re constantly giving and not receiving anything in return, it can leave you feeling drained.

It’s okay to expect your friends to be there for you too.

If this balance is off, it might be time to have a frank conversation or reconsider the friendship.

Remember, you deserve friendships that uplift you, not ones that constantly drain your energy.

7) It’s okay to let go

This might be the hardest, yet most important thing to understand.

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, some friendships can continue to drain your energy.

If you’ve tried setting boundaries, communicating clearly, and seeking balance but nothing changes, it’s okay to let go.

You deserve friendships that make you feel good, respected, and cared for.

It’s not an easy decision to make, but it’s crucial for your mental and emotional well-being.

The bottom line is, you’re allowed to walk away from relationships that aren’t serving you well.

Ultimately, it’s about respect

Respect isn’t just about treating others well; it’s also about respecting your own needs, time, and energy.

It’s about acknowledging that you have a right to protect your mental and emotional well-being.

Setting boundaries doesn’t make you selfish or cold-hearted.

It shows that you value your own peace just as much as you value the friendship.

Remember, you cannot control how others behave, but you can control how much you let it affect you.