If you’ve ever exchanged text messages with a narcissist, you know it can be a manipulative and frustrating experience.

Dealing with narcissists is no easy task, especially when it comes to communication over text.

Their need for admiration, lack of empathy, and sense of entitlement can make texting a battlefield of mind games.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a recognized psychological condition, not a choice. But, just like any challenge, there are strategies you can use to navigate these tricky conversations.

We’ll delve into the psychology behind narcissism, and explore 7 ways to outsmart a narcissist over text. Understanding how they think could be your secret weapon.

Let’s dive in!

1) Establish clear boundaries

When texting a narcissist, one of the most critical steps you can take is setting clear, firm boundaries.

Narcissists often push the limits to see how far they can get with their manipulation tactics. For example, they may use guilt trips or play the victim to get you to respond to their messages immediately.

Whether with them or anyone else, you don’t owe an instant response. You have your own life and responsibilities, and it’s perfectly okay to prioritize them.

By doing this, you’re not only respecting your own time and energy but also setting a precedent for how they should communicate with you.

Of course, establishing boundaries isn’t easy, especially when dealing with a narcissist who may react negatively or try to undermine them.

However, standing firm in your boundaries can help minimize their manipulative behavior and give you more control over the conversation.

2) Show empathy

This may seem like the last thing you want to do when dealing with a narcissist, but bear with me.

Narcissists are known for their lack of empathy, but this doesn’t mean they don’t crave understanding and validation from others.

In fact, their need for admiration can sometimes stem from deep-seated insecurities.

When you empathize with a narcissist over text, you’re not giving in to their manipulation or boosting their ego.

Instead, you’re acknowledging their feelings without endorsing their behavior. This can help defuse potential conflicts and keep the conversation on track.

For example, if a narcissist texts you something designed to provoke a reaction, such as a harsh criticism or blatant bragging, you might respond with something like “It sounds like this is really important to you.”

This acknowledges their feelings without feeding into the drama or giving them the reaction they’re hoping for.

It’s a subtle shift in communication that can have a significant impact on your text exchanges. It allows you to maintain your emotional equilibrium and encourages them to communicate in a more constructive way.

3) Use the ‘grey rock’ method

When you’re dealing with a narcissist, sometimes the best response is no response at all. This is where the ‘grey rock’ method comes in.

The idea behind this technique is to become as uninteresting and unresponsive as a grey rock.

Narcissists thrive on drama and emotional reactions – they feed off it. If you can respond to their attempts at manipulation with dull, emotionless replies, they may lose interest and move on.

For example, if a narcissist sends a text trying to bait you into an argument, instead of engaging, you could simply reply with “Noted” or “Thanks for sharing your perspective.”

This non-engagement can be incredibly powerful. It denies the narcissist the emotional response they’re seeking, disrupting their typical pattern of interaction.

Over time, they may learn that their usual tactics aren’t effective with you, which could lead to more respectful communication.

4) Practice self-care

Texting with a narcissist can be draining. It’s easy to get caught up in their world, where everything revolves around them.

Take a step back when you need to. It’s okay to turn off your phone, take a deep breath, or do something you enjoy.

You don’t have to respond to every message immediately. You have the right to take time for yourself.

Also, be gentle with yourself. It’s normal to feel frustrated or upset when dealing with a narcissist. These emotions are valid and it’s important to acknowledge them.

Most importantly, reach out to supportive friends or family members when you need to vent or seek advice.

5) Keep it simple

We’ve all been there. You receive a text that’s so laden with passive-aggressiveness or outright hostility that you feel the need to craft an equally compelling response.

You spend minutes, sometimes even hours, carefully choosing your words to make sure your point comes across.

But when dealing with a narcissist, this strategy can backfire.

Narcissists are masters at twisting words and misinterpreting intentions.

The more complex your message, the more room there is for them to manipulate its meaning.

Instead, try to keep your replies short and sweet. Stick to the facts and avoid getting drawn into emotional or subjective discussions.

This approach minimizes the potential for miscommunication and keeps the conversation straightforward and to the point.

6) Redirect the conversation

I remember a time when a narcissistic acquaintance kept bombarding me with texts, boasting about their accomplishments, and subtly putting me down. It was exhausting and demoralizing.

That’s when I decided to try a different approach. Instead of getting defensive or trying to match their achievements with my own, I redirected the conversation.

When they bragged about their latest success, I responded with something like, “That’s great! By the way, have you seen the latest episode of that show we both like?”

This strategy worked wonders. It shifted the focus of the conversation away from their self-aggrandizement and towards a neutral topic.

And over time, they seemed to lose interest in using me as an audience for their ego and started engaging in more balanced conversations.

7) Recognize when to cut ties

Let’s face it, no one wants to end a relationship or friendship. It’s tough. It’s emotional. But sometimes, it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

If you’re constantly feeling drained, stressed, or unhappy after texting with a narcissist, it might be time to reconsider your relationship with them. It’s important to protect your mental and emotional health.

In the end, you need to understand that you’re not responsible for their behavior or happiness. You can’t change or fix them, and it’s not your job to do so.

You deserve respect and kindness in all your relationships. If a narcissist is not willing to respect your boundaries and treat you with the decency you deserve, it’s okay to let go and move on.

You are in control

In the midst of all this, the most crucial thing to remember is that you are in control of your interactions with a narcissist.

Yes, they may try to manipulate the conversation or play mind games, but you get to decide how much you engage.

You set your boundaries, and you enforce them. You choose when to respond, and when to step back.

You’re not powerless in this situation.

With the right strategies and mindset, you can navigate these challenging conversations while maintaining your sanity and self-respect.