9 ways to instantly build rapport with new people, according to psychology

Mia Zhang by Mia Zhang | February 25, 2024, 1:20 pm

Building rapport with new people doesn’t have to be a complex, nerve-wracking task.

In fact, psychology has some nifty tricks up its sleeve to make this process a lot smoother and quicker.

The trick lies in understanding that rapport isn’t about impressing others, but about making them feel comfortable and understood.

It’s about creating a shared understanding and emotional connection.

And hey, you don’t have to be a psychology expert to use these tactics.

I’ve got 9 simple yet effective ways that can help you instantly build rapport with new people.

So let’s dive into the world of psychology to master the art of building rapport in the blink of an eye.

1) Mirror their behavior

One of the quickest ways to establish a connection with someone is through mirroring their behavior.

This doesn’t mean copying everything they do, but subtly reflecting their gestures, expressions, and speech patterns.

It’s an unconscious way we humans react when we feel comfortable and connected with someone.

Mirroring is a psychological phenomenon that signals empathy.

It shows that you’re trying to understand and align with the other person’s feelings and thoughts.

The key here is subtlety – you don’t want to make it too obvious that you’re mirroring them, or it could come off as mimicking or mocking.

2) Find common ground

Finding something in common with the other person can create an instant connection.

I still remember the time when I was at a networking event, feeling like a fish out of water. I started chatting with a woman who seemed as out of place as I was.

We were both sipping on our drinks awkwardly and I decided to break the ice by commenting on the unusual taste of the cocktails.

Turns out, we both had a fondness for trying out unique cocktail recipes. We instantly hit it off, discussing our favorite concoctions and even exchanging some recipes.

We went from being two strangers in a room full of people to two cocktail enthusiasts having an animated chat.

The idea is to discover shared interests or experiences.

Whether it’s a love for Italian food, a passion for travel, or even a shared annoyance at the weather — finding common ground can help build rapport quickly.

3) Use their name

There’s something incredibly powerful about hearing your own name. It’s not just an identifier, but a key part of our identity and individuality.

That’s why when someone uses our name in a conversation, it instantly catches our attention and creates a personal connection.

Dale Carnegie, author of “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” once said, “A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.”

Incorporating their name into the conversation not only personalizes your interaction but also shows them that you’re paying attention and value their presence.

Just be sure not to overdo it – using their name in every sentence can come off as insincere or even creepy.

4) Be present and attentive

In today’s digital age, it’s all too easy to get distracted by our devices and notifications.

But when you’re trying to build rapport with someone, being fully present and attentive is crucial.

When you’re engaged in a conversation, make sure your body language shows it.

Keep your phone away, maintain eye contact, and avoid looking around the room or over their shoulder.

Give them your full attention and show genuine interest in what they’re saying.

Active listening is also a key part of being present. It’s not just about hearing the words they say, but understanding the message behind them.

Respond appropriately to their comments, ask follow-up questions, and show empathy where needed.

5) Open up about yourself

Building rapport isn’t just about getting to know the other person – it’s also about letting them get to know you.

Sharing a little about yourself can help make the conversation more balanced and comfortable.

It could be about your hobbies, your favorite travel destination, or even a funny incident that happened to you recently.

Opening up creates a sense of vulnerability and trust. It shows the other person that you’re not just interested in them, but you’re also willing to share and connect on a personal level.

But remember, it’s important to strike a balance. You don’t want to dominate the conversation with your stories or come off as self-centered.

Listening should still be your primary focus.

Sharing about yourself is just a way to build connection and encourage them to open up too.

6) Show empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, and it plays a vital role in building rapport.

It’s about putting yourself in their shoes and seeing things from their perspective.

When you show empathy, you’re acknowledging their feelings and experiences, which can lead to a deeper connection.

It tells them that you’re not just there to talk, but also to understand and support them.

It could be as simple as acknowledging their frustration over a delayed flight or expressing joy over their recent promotion.

By tuning into their emotions, you’re creating an emotional bond that goes beyond surface-level small talk.

Remember, empathy isn’t just about sharing in their joys and sorrows. It’s also about showing respect for their experiences and viewpoints, even if they differ from yours.

7) Be honest

Honesty goes a long way in establishing trust and rapport. It’s about being genuine and authentic in your interactions.

I remember a time when I was at a conference, and I completely forgot the name of the person I was talking to.

Instead of trying to fake it, I admitted my mistake and asked for their name again. They appreciated my honesty, and we ended up having a great conversation about how common it is to forget names at networking events.

Honesty shows that you’re not trying to put up a front or impress them with a fabricated version of yourself.

It’s okay to admit when you don’t know something or make mistakes. In fact, it makes you more relatable and human.

So, don’t be afraid to be real and honest. It might feel risky at times, but it can significantly enhance the level of rapport you build with others.

8) Use positive body language

Our nonverbal communication often speaks louder than our words.

Positive body language can send signals of friendliness, openness, and interest, which can instantly put the other person at ease.

Keep your body posture open – avoid crossing your arms or legs as it can come off as defensive or closed off.

Make sure to maintain eye contact to show that you’re engaged in the conversation. A warm smile can make you appear more approachable and likable.

Nodding occasionally can also indicate that you’re actively listening and understanding what they’re saying.

Small touches like a friendly pat on the back or a handshake can also help establish a connection, but always ensure it’s appropriate and respectful.

9) Be patient and genuine

The most important thing to remember when trying to build rapport is to be patient and genuine.

Building meaningful connections takes time, it’s not something that can be rushed or forced.

Just like a plant, relationships need time to grow and flourish. So, don’t rush the process or get disheartened if you don’t see instant results.

Also, always be genuine in your interactions. People can easily sense when someone is being fake or insincere.

Authenticity is the foundation of any strong connection.

The magic of connection

Human connection is a fascinating and complex phenomenon. It’s a delicate dance of verbal and nonverbal cues, shared experiences, emotional resonance, and mutual understanding.

At the heart of it all is rapport – that magical thread that connects us and makes us feel seen, heard, and valued.

Building rapport isn’t just about getting people to like us. It’s about fostering an environment of trust and understanding, where real communication can occur.

It’s about seeing the world through another’s eyes and letting them see through ours.

And while psychology provides us with tools and techniques, at the end of the day, genuine human connection comes down to kindness, empathy, and authenticity.

Remember these strategies not as rigid rules but as guides to help you create more meaningful connections.

After all, every person you meet is a new opportunity to learn, grow, and connect.