10 ways to gain someone’s trust almost instantly, according to psychology

Trust takes time:
That’s what we’re told, in any case.
But there are actually tried and true techniques to rapidly gain somebody’s trust and be somebody they turn to for answers.
Psychology has many valuable insights into what builds trust and how to do it very quickly after meeting somebody.
Let’s dive in and examine these rapid trust techniques:
1) Be competent
Knowing what you are doing, being knowledgeable and responding well to problems and confusion under pressure are a rapid way to gain trust.
Depending on the situation it can come down to real competence:
If there’s a leak in a pipe and you know how to fix it you quickly become trusted because you are both useful and proven to be able to do what you’ve promised (“hang on, let me take a look and fix that.”)
The way you dress, speak, hold your body and eye contact and present yourself are extremely important as well.
“Psychologists will often hang their credentials on their wall or dress in a manner that demonstrates competence, such as a white lab coat, for example,” notes Lisa Evans.
“In a business setting, leading with competence may mean demonstrating your expertise by using the right jargon, coming into the relationship with a recommendation (‘So-and-so suggested I reach out to you’), or stating your experience and credentials.”
2) Find common ground
The next key trust-gaining behavior is to find common ground. This should be genuine common ground that you relate to them about.
If they bring up their love of Beyonce and you can’t think of anything you relate to about that, wait until they bring up something you can relate to.
They have a fear of environmental destruction and pollution? You do as well, and in fact you’ve been reading a book on climate change.
They come from a very musical family and are thinking of putting together a band? You have been thinking a lot about learning guitar.
In psychological studies and marketing this is known as the “In Group Bias.”
As psychology and personal development coach Brandon Redlinger writes:
“The Ingroup Bias simply states that we like and trust people who we perceive as being similar to us.”
3) Open up to them
When you open up to someone about a personal or sensitive detail of your life, you take a risk.
It may be a small risk, it may just be that they think you’re stupid for liking a certain type of music or that they think of you differently knowing you take medication for depression.
But by opening up to them, you create a bridge whereby they can respect that you’re willing to be vulnerable and trust them. So they trust you in turn.
“We make ourselves ‘vulnerable’ when we enter a relationship with another person, whether this relationship is personal or professional as we reveal a part of ourselves to another,” notes forensic psychologist Dr. Helen Miles.
“We also have an expectation that there will be a positive outcome to this, so the risk of opening up or trusting another is worth it.”
4) Respect boundaries
If you listen closely during any short or longer interaction with somebody, they will often let you know their boundaries and the extent of their trust right now.
In other words they may bring up things they love to do or shy away at certain comments or questions from you but brighten up at other points.
Look for these “brightening up” moments or expressions, seeking to pursue those kinds of subjects instead of pushing only what you want to talk about.
Sometimes people do need more time and space to move at their own pace. Recognizing and allowing that without pushing, makes them trust you very quickly.
“If we have been recently negatively impacted by a breach or betrayal of trust, or our past experiences have shown us that there are negative consequences to us personally to trust another, then perhaps it can take us a bit longer to trust again in the future.”
5) Be transparent
In addition to opening up, gaining somebody’s trust involves being transparent about your own mistakes and about your own interests.
From a business perspective, for example, this would be something like saying “well, yes I’d love it if you bought the phone and the plan from me but I also honestly like talking to you and won’t think any less of you if you don’t get it.”
This removes all pressure while also announcing your honest position as (in that instance) a commissioned mobile phone salesperson.
When it comes to making mistakes it’s similar: admitting you’ve messed up in a way that makes it clear you aren’t trying to be something you’re not and are only human and always trying to improve.
“When you attempt to hide your mistakes, people know that you are being dishonest. By being open, you show your vulnerable side, and this helps build trust with other people,” notes psychologist Heather Craig, BPsySc.
6) Acknowledge what you don’t know
Part of transparency is to admit what you don’t know.
When people see that you aren’t trying to appear a certain way and are willing to own up to where you fall short, they breathe a sigh of relief.
You are no longer a potential hustler, playboy, scammer, show pony or egotist: you’re showing that you’re self-aware and realistic.
You’re not putting on a show trying to gain their trust, you’re actually trying to be a competent and trustworthy person.
This is likely to make most people respond with rapid and real trust in a very short time period.
“As Nobel Prize–winning astrophysicist Subrahmanyan Chandrasekhar noted, believing that you ‘must be right’—in other words, lacking intellectual humility—can actually stymie discovery, learning, and progress,” notes Tenelle Porter.
7) Reserve judgment
Reserving judgment is a quick way to gain somebody’s trust as well.
By doing this, you open up space and a judgment-free zone for the person who is speaking.
They appreciate this and will respond in kind by reserving judgment on you and giving you the benefit of the doubt if possible. This is a psychological instinct to return like-for-like.
In relationships this can be especially important, where giving someone the benefit of the doubt over time can lead to a much happier partnership and better communication.
“Poor communication is a major reason why relationships break down. Good communication includes being clear about what you have or have not committed to and what has been agreed upon.”
8) Stable nonverbal cues
Body language and nonverbal cues are enormously important in building trust rapidly.
When you stand and walk in an upright way with your hands showing and without nervous tics, you display the evolutionarily-designated signs of not being a threat and of being attractive and trustworthy.
On the subconscious, primeval evolutionary level it comes down to:
- The hands are visible and not shaking or fidgeting, so they aren’t carrying a weapon.
- The person is upright and asserting their right to be in the world
- The individual is self-sufficient and respected in their use of space and movement through space by those around them.
Consistent eye contact has a huge part to do with this, as mental health writer Ruth Umoh explains:
“Maintaining eye contact not only exudes confidence but also builds trust.
Research shows that we tend to see people who avert their gaze as less sincere, socially anxious and deceptive. Conversely, we’re more likely to believe someone who looks at us directly.”
9) Keep secrets told to you in confidence
When somebody tells you a secret or a piece of information (even something small), you don’t blabber about it to your friend next to you or joke about it in a way that indicates you’ll just go pass it along.
This could be an embarrassing anecdote you were told that’s for your ears only or somebody admitting an action in the past that wasn’t entirely legal but not all that grave.
It’s meant for you to keep to yourself, and showing you will immediately build trust.
As Professor Emeritus of Psychology Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., ABPP explains:
“The main reason to keep something secret, the authors argue, is to avoid the negative judgment of others, an emotional outcome composed of anger and disgust.”
10) Internalize this key question
When hoping to build trust fast, it’s very helpful to ask yourself a question. “Would I trust me?”
In other words, think about what kind of person you are being and what your motivations are and then reflect on what kind of person acts like this?
Is it a sleazy used car salesman vibe, are you acting sophomoric, wise, strange, overly intense?
As you inhabit the actions of the kind of person you would trust, others also trust you.
As psychological researcher George S. Everly, Jr., Ph.D. advises:
“Ask a simple question:
‘What kind of person behaves that way?’ The answers may surprise you.”