Do you often find yourself hesitating to speak up or assert your needs, even though you know it’s important?

I used to struggle with this myself, feeling like assertiveness was a trait I simply didn’t possess.

But over time, I discovered that assertiveness is more about practice and strategy than inherent nature.

In this article, I’ll share eight practical strategies that helped me—and can help you—become more assertive, even if it doesn’t come naturally.

These techniques aren’t about changing who you are, but about learning how to communicate your needs and boundaries with confidence.

1) Practice saying no

The ability to say “no” is a crucial part of being assertive. 

When you say no, you’re showing that you know your limits and respect your own time and energy. Moreover, each time you do it, you build self-esteem and confidence.

But saying “no” can be incredibly difficult, particularly if you’re not used to it.

Many of us worry about the potential consequences – Will this upset the person? Will I come across as rude or unhelpful?

Here’s the thing though – saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, it shows that you value yourself and your time. And most people will respect you for it.

To overcome this fear, start small. Try saying “no” to minor requests that you don’t have the time or energy for.

With practice, it will become easier and you’ll find that you can express your needs more assertively without feeling guilty or anxious.

2) Communicate clearly and directly

One thing I’ve learned on my journey toward becoming more assertive is the importance of clear and direct communication.

I remember a time when I was asked to take on an extra project at work.

I was already swamped with tasks and the thought of adding another to my plate was overwhelming. But instead of expressing this, I said yes because I didn’t want to disappoint my boss.

The result?

I was stressed, overworked, and the quality of all my work suffered.

I realized then that I could’ve handled the situation differently.

Instead of immediately agreeing, I could’ve communicated my current workload and expressed concerns about the additional project.

So now, whether it’s with colleagues or friends, I make it a point to express my thoughts and feelings directly. If something isn’t working for me, I say so. If I can’t take on more work, I communicate that.

This approach has not only decreased my stress levels but also improved my relationships because people know where they stand with me. 

3) Use confident body language

You might not realize it, but your body language can significantly impact how others perceive you. Research has shown that non-verbal cues can make up to 55% of how we communicate.

Standing tall, making eye contact, and using open gestures are all ways to project confidence and assertiveness.

Even if you’re feeling a bit unsure on the inside, adopting confident body language can actually affect your own mood and mental state.

This is known as “embodied cognition” – the idea that our bodies can influence our minds just as much as our minds influence our bodies.

So, by adopting assertive body language, you’re not only communicating your confidence to others but also reinforcing it within yourself.

4) Practice active listening

Being assertive isn’t just about expressing your own needs and boundaries; it’s also about understanding and respecting the needs of others.

This is where active listening comes into play.

Active listening involves:

• Fully focusing on the speaker
• Understanding their message
• Responding thoughtfully
• Remembering what’s been said

It shows the other person that you respect their thoughts and opinions, even if they may differ from your own.

When you practice active listening, you’re better equipped to express your own perspective in a way that acknowledges the other person’s viewpoint. This can lead to more productive conversations and a greater sense of mutual respect.

5) Believe in your own worth

One of the most fundamental aspects of being assertive is truly believing in your own worth. If you don’t value yourself, it’s hard to communicate your needs and boundaries effectively to others.

We all have a unique set of skills, qualities, and experiences that make us who we are. Each of us brings something valuable to the table, whether it’s at work, in relationships, or in our interactions with others.

Maybe you’re a great listener who always makes people feel heard.

Maybe you’re creative and able to come up with innovative solutions to problems.

Maybe you’re reliable and always follow through on your promises.

Whatever it is, recognize your worth and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.

6) Develop a growth mindset

Once upon a time, I used to view my lack of assertiveness as a fixed trait – something I was born with and couldn’t change.

This mindset held me back. I felt stuck, unable to advocate for myself and my needs.

Then I discovered the concept of a growth mindset, the belief that our abilities and traits can be developed through dedication and hard work.

I started viewing my assertiveness (or lack thereof) not as a fixed trait, but as a skill I could improve. I began actively seeking opportunities to assert myself, treating each one as a chance to learn and grow.

Adopting a growth mindset can be a game-changer when it comes to becoming more assertive.

It shifts the narrative from “I’m not an assertive person” to “I can become more assertive with practice.” And trust me, if I can do it, so can you!

7) Seek feedback and reflect

Becoming more assertive is a journey, and like any journey, it’s beneficial to regularly check in on your progress.

Seeking feedback from others and taking time to reflect can provide valuable insights into how you’re doing and where you could improve.

Maybe you’ve been practicing saying “no” more often or working on your body language.

Ask a trusted friend or colleague how they think you’re doing. They might have noticed a change in your behavior that you haven’t.

Similarly, take some time to reflect on your interactions. Were there situations where you could have been more assertive? How did it feel when you stood up for yourself?

By seeking feedback and taking time to reflect, you’ll gain a better understanding of your progress and areas for improvement. It’s about continuous learning and growth, and every step you take brings you closer to becoming a more assertive person.

8) Be patient with yourself

Becoming more assertive is a journey that requires time, practice, and patience.

There will be moments of discomfort and times when you might slip back into old habits. That’s okay.

Focus on making progress, however small it may seem. Every time you stand up for yourself, every time you express your needs and boundaries, you’re moving forward.

Be kind to yourself during this journey. Celebrate your victories, learn from your setbacks, and keep going. Because you’re worth standing up for, and with time and patience, you will become the assertive person you aspire to be.

Embrace the journey

Becoming assertive is not easy if it is something that doesn’t come naturally to you. However, it’s entirely achievable with the right strategies.

By implementing these eight techniques, you can build your self-assurance and communicate more effectively, regardless of your natural inclinations.

Every ‘no’ you say without guilt, every boundary you set without fear, is a step closer to confidently communicating your needs and boundaries.