Dealing with relationships can get pretty complicated, especially when you bump into someone with a tough personality, like a malignant narcissist.

We’re not just talking about someone a bit full of themselves.

A malignant narcissist is on another level. They often leave people feeling hurt and messed up.

It’s really draining to be around someone like this.

But how do you know when you’re dealing with one? And even more, how do you handle it?

In this article, I’m going to lay out 9 red flags that might mean you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist.

This is about giving you the know-how to spot these signs and decide the best way to deal with these tough cookies.

So, let’s dive in, shall we?

1) Excessive need for admiration

Malignant narcissists thrive on admiration. They crave it, seek it out, and view it as a validation of their superiority.

This isn’t just a casual desire for occasional compliments. It’s a relentless pursuit, an insatiable hunger that can often overshadow other aspects of their life.

You might notice that they constantly steer conversations towards themselves or their accomplishments.

Or perhaps they become agitated or lash out when they’re not the center of attention.

The truth is it’s an exhausting cycle, but it’s also a clear warning sign.

Here’s the thing: If someone seems to require an unending stream of praise and recognition, you might be facing a malignant narcissist.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s healthy to enjoy appreciation from others.

But when it becomes a driving force, an unquenchable thirst…that’s where the problems start.

And that’s where you need to tread carefully.

2) Lack of empathy

Another tell-tale sign of a malignant narcissist is a glaring lack of empathy.

They can’t hide it and struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, which can make interactions feel very one-sided.

Let me share a personal example. I once had a friend, let’s call him Jake. Whenever we’d meet up, our conversations were heavily skewed.

Jake would talk at length about his life, his problems, and his triumphs.

However, the moment I’d try to share something about myself, he’d quickly steer the conversation back to him.

Moreover, he never seemed to understand or show genuine concern when I was going through tough times.

It was as if my feelings were an inconvenience to him or simply didn’t matter.

In retrospect, I realize that this lack of empathy was a clear sign that Jake was more than just self-absorbed; he was a malignant narcissist.

So, next time you find yourself in a similar situation, where someone consistently fails to acknowledge or validate your feelings.

What are you going to do?

My advice? Take heed because you’re likely dealing with a malignant narcissist.

3) Grandiose sense of self-importance

These folks often have an inflated self-image.

They view themselves as superior, unique, and more important than others.

Now, this isn’t just a case of high self-esteem; it’s an unrealistic, distorted perception of their own worth and importance.

Interestingly, this trait isn’t limited to humans. I learned that even our closest animal relatives, chimpanzees, can display narcissistic behavior.

Chimpanzees with higher levels of narcissism were found to be more successful in gaining dominant status within their group, showing that this trait can offer some advantages in certain contexts.

But in human society, this grandiose sense of self-importance can lead to harmful behaviors.

Malignant narcissists may belittle others to maintain their perceived superiority, ignore others’ needs and feelings, and exploit others to achieve their own goals.

4) Exploitative behavior

In line with their inflated self-importance, malignant narcissists often exhibit exploitative behavior.

These folks view people as tools or resources to be used for their gain, rather than as individuals with their own rights and feelings.

This can manifest in various ways. Maybe they:

• Consistently take advantage of your kindness
• Asking for favors but never reciprocating
• Using emotional manipulation to get what they want, playing on your sympathies or insecurities.

And it’s not just about tangible gains.

Malignant narcissists may exploit others for emotional validation, seeking to feed their ego at the expense of others’ wellbeing.

That’s why recognizing this exploitative behavior is crucial.

It’s a major red flag that you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist.

In essence, relationships should be about mutual respect and benefit, not one-sided exploitation.

5) Envious of others

Envy is another common trait of malignant narcissists.

Despite their grandiose self-image, they often harbor deep feelings of envy towards others.

Having said that, they might be envious of other people’s success, possessions, relationships, or even their happiness.

This envy isn’t just a fleeting feeling; it’s a persistent and pervasive part of their mindset.

For instance, you might notice them making negative comments about others’ achievements, or downplaying others’ successes to make themselves feel superior.

They may become particularly hostile or dismissive when they feel outshone or overshadowed.

In a nutshell, this envious behavior is another red flag that you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist.

It’s important to recognize this trait and understand its implications for your interactions with them.

6) Lack of remorse

One of the most heartbreaking traits of a malignant narcissist is their lack of remorse.

Truth be told, they rarely feel guilt for their actions, no matter how much hurt they may cause.

They can:

• Betray
• Lie
• Manipulate
• Cause emotional harm

All of these without batting an eye.

And it doesn’t stop there, when confronted, they often deflect blame or dismiss the issue entirely.

It’s a deeply unsettling trait that can leave you questioning your own feelings and experiences.

It’s one thing to make a mistake; we’re all human. But it’s another thing entirely to show no remorse for the harm caused.

This lack of remorse is a clear sign of a malignant narcissist.

If you find yourself dealing with someone who never seems to feel guilty or apologize genuinely, listen to your gut.

It’s telling you something important.

7) Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a person makes someone else question their own reality, memory, or perceptions.

And it’s a tactic often used by malignant narcissists.

I remember a time when I argued with a friend.

I was certain of the details of the incident, but she kept insisting that things happened differently and that I was remembering it wrong.

It reached a point where I started doubting my own recollection, feeling confused and disoriented.

This is gaslighting.

It’s a powerful and damaging tool in the hands of a malignant narcissist, used to control and manipulate.

If you find yourself constantly second-guessing your own experiences or feeling like you’re losing your grip on reality around a certain person, it might be gaslighting.

It’s another key sign that you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist.

8) Excessive entitlement

Malignant narcissists often have a strong sense of entitlement.

They believe they deserve special treatment, privileges, or recognition that others don’t warrant.

Here’s how it works: It could manifest as expecting others to always accommodate their needs, demanding constant attention, or reacting angrily when they don’t get their way.

But that’s not all, they may disregard rules or social norms, believing they don’t apply to them.

This excessive entitlement frequently leads to conflicts and strained relationships.

It’s another key indicator that you might be dealing with a malignant narcissist.

As we covered earlier, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and understanding, not one-sided entitlement. 

9) Unwillingness to change

A defining characteristic of a malignant narcissist is their unwillingness to change.

Despite the harm they cause, they seldom see a need for self-improvement.

Their inflated self-image blinds them to their own faults and destructive behaviors.

Even when confronted with their behavior, they often react with denial, defensiveness, or outright aggression.

They rarely take constructive criticism well and are unlikely to seek help or make changes on their own.

This unwillingness to change can make dealing with a malignant narcissist incredibly challenging.

It’s important to realize that you can’t force them to change; it’s a decision they have to make on their own.

And unfortunately, it’s a decision that few malignant narcissists ever make.

Final thoughts

Encountering a malignant narcissist can be an emotionally taxing experience.

Their behaviors can leave a lasting impact, often leading to feelings of confusion, hurt, and self-doubt.

But remember, understanding is the first step towards empowerment.

Recognizing these warning signs equips you to better navigate your interactions with potential malignant narcissists in your life.

I know dealing with these individuals isn’t an easy task.

They rarely change their behavior and can be adept at manipulation.

However, understanding their traits can assist you in establishing boundaries and seeking professional help when needed.

While there’s still much to learn about malignant narcissism and its roots, one thing is clear: it’s not a reflection of your worth or capabilities.

In essence, it’s a reflection of their distorted perspective and unresolved issues.