There are countless articles advising us on how to identify and avoid toxic people. But what if the toxic person is us?

That’s a tough pill to swallow, isn’t it? But let’s face it – despite our best intentions, we can so easily lapse into toxic behaviors or patterns without realizing it. 

This is why it’s important to always have a habit of self-reflection. And today, that’s exactly what we’re doing. 

In this article, we’ll explore 11 behaviors that could indicate you’re becoming a toxic person, even if you don’t mean to be. 

Let’s hope you’ll see none of these signs in yourself, but if you do, that’s okay. Because then it can be your cue to step up and do away with them. 

1) You’re often sarcastic

Maybe in the past you’d use sarcasm sparingly, just to inject a touch of wit into a conversation. But now, sarcasm seems to be your go-to mode more and more. 

I appreciate sarcasm when done well. In fact, Chandler’s witty, sarcastic one-liners were the main reason he was my favorite character on “Friends”. 

But when someone is sarcastic all the time, I tend to back away from them. They may not realize it, but their sarcastic tone and words become a weapon designed to make others feel small. 

Or at the very least, it feels like negative energy, and I don’t want to absorb it. 

You’ll know you’ve crossed the line from amusing to rude if you find that people are often confused by your tone, or worse, hurt by your comments. 

2) You make jokes at someone else’s expense

Here we have another example of humor done poorly – when it has to hurt someone to be funny. 

I once had a coworker who loved to do this. He’d poke fun at some of the people we worked with – he’d do mocking impersonations, give them unflattering nicknames, or attract attention to their weaknesses. 

At first, we dismissed it as simple teasing, just good old office banter. But we could tell that it hurt the ones whom we made the butt of his jokes. And pretty soon, it felt uncomfortable. 

People started avoiding him. No one wanted to be around him to either be his punchline or to hear his offensive humor. Simply put, he became a toxic presence. 

So if you’re the funny guy/girl in your circle, now’s a good time to take stock of your approach to humor. 

Be honest with yourself – if your jokes come at someone else’s expense, well…there are better, non-toxic ways to be funny. 

3) You take nothing seriously

Following on from that, now would be a good time as well to check your general attitude towards life. 

Look, I’m all for not giving a f*ck where a f*ck isn’t warranted. I know that not everything in life deserves to be taken seriously. I’d say I love traveling light through life! 

However, there’s a thin line between carefree and careless, and it’s all too easy to cross it without realizing.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again – balance is everything. 

When you’re always breezy or disinterested even when it comes to important matters (like relationships, work, or emotions), it can feel toxic for the ones around you. 

Why? 

Because it’s frustrating for them! They’d have to step up and fill in the gaps you’re leaving. In relationships especially, your loved ones can feel that you don’t care and this can do some real damage. 

So yeah, I’d say travel light, but also know what to keep and let go of. 

4) You’re seeing everything as a competition

On the flip side, taking everything so seriously is equally toxic. Especially if you’re being much too competitive.  

I’ve been guilty of this in the past, when I was much younger. Being new to the workplace, I was determined to be THE best, to prove myself to just about everyone in the office. 

So I had this nasty habit of comparing myself to others and resolving to outdo them all. 

As a result, people tended to steer clear of me. I wasn’t “one of them”. I was in fact the coworker to avoid because I didn’t have a team player vibe. 

I know better now though. Over the years, I’ve learned that being overly competitive can rob me of friendships and rest. 

If this sounds like you, I hope you find a balance before it’s too late. 

5) You feel happy when you see someone failing

This is closely connected to my previous point. When you go through life comparing yourself to everyone, you can fall into the toxic pattern of schadenfreude. 

Meaning, you find joy in someone else’s misfortune. 

Misery loves company, as they say. So we’re all prone to a bit of schadenfreude, whether we want to admit it or not.

Even so, that doesn’t mean it’s okay. Finding joy in others’ unhappiness is never okay. It encourages a mindset that thrives on negativity, and that’s absolutely toxic. 

Besides, it’s just bad karma to be that way, don’t you think?

So I urge you to stop it in its tracks before it becomes an ingrained habit. You’re really much better than that. 

6) You feel the need to fix everything and everyone

Do you feel like you need to solve every problem you come across? To “fix” every wounded soul you meet? 

I know you’re coming from a place of good intentions, but hold up. This behavior can actually be toxic for others. 

Why? 

Because you’re inadvertently sending the message that: 

• They’re “broken”
• You don’t believe they’re capable of handling their own challenges

Chances are, you’ll make them feel either of these two states: dependence on you or resentment. 

Personally, when I encounter a “fixer”, I feel resentful. Because the truth is, we want to feel seen and supported, not managed or controlled. There’s a difference between the two – the latter makes you feel diminished. 

7) You’re getting too clingy and needy

Then on the opposite end, you have the clingy and insecure. And wow, this one has huge potential for toxicity. 

I mean, we all have insecurities. We have all sorts of fears, especially when we’re in a relationship. But that doesn’t mean we should let those insecurities dictate our actions to the point of suffocation. 

I once had a boyfriend who was very needy. At first, it was flattering to feel so needed. But eventually, it felt toxic. More and more, I started feeling the urge to escape. 

Neediness puts a lot of pressure on your partner. It’s natural to seek comfort, affection, and assurance, but make sure you don’t expect them to provide all of it all the time. 

No one is that perfect, nor should they have to be. 

8) You insist that your opinion is right

And you dismiss or shoot down anyone who doesn’t agree with you.

If the tables were turned and you were on the receiving end of that, I’m sure you’d find that toxic, too. 

What this behavior conveys is that you feel superior to the other person. Which then points to a lack of respect. 

Believe me, we all think our opinions are right. That’s why they are our opinions!

But I do think it’s always wise to leave a little room for others to come in and share their two cents’ worth. Being kind is always better than being right.

Besides, we’re not always right anyway. (Shocker, I know!)  

In fact, I’d say that the smartest ones in the world are those who know they don’t know everything. Those are the most pleasant types of people to talk to. 

9) You engage in black-and-white thinking

Similarly, black-and-white thinking could very well be turning you into a toxic person. 

You see, this kind of thinking often renders us judgmental. We don’t see people as the multi-colored, multi-textured, wonderful bundle of contradictions that they are. 

No, with black-and-white thinking, we can only think in either/or terms. Either good or bad. Kind or unkind. Smart or dumb. 

It’s hard to deal with someone who thinks this way because how can you reason with such narrowness, right? 

10) You’re complaining more often than usual

I get it – life is rough. If you’ve got a complaint or two about it, I’m right there with you. 

But more than that, and we’d have to part ways. Because complaining too much is just a lot of negative energy to handle for the average person. 

11) You’re overly positive

What about the opposite, then? Surely being optimistic isn’t toxic…

Well, if it’s overly so, then yes, it is. In fact, it’s even got its own label – toxic positivity. 

Better Up defines toxic positivity as “the pressure to only display positive emotions, suppressing any negative emotions, feelings, reactions, or experiences.”

Positivity becomes toxic when it dismisses and invalidates human experience. 

Let’s say a friend comes to you and tells you about her cheating husband. Your response might be something along these lines: 

• Oh, don’t worry about it, you’ll get over it!”
• “Everything happens for a reason.”
• “Look on the bright side, at least you found out now rather than later!”

You might have simply been wanting to cheer her up, but trust me, all she’d feel is invalidated. Like what she’s going through is…no big deal. No one wants to hear that!

Final thoughts 

Any one of us can be guilty of the toxic behaviors on this list. We’re only human, after all.

But the beauty of being human is that we can be self-aware enough to know when we’re venturing into toxic territory, too. 

Again, I urge you to have a regular practice of self-reflection. This habit of looking inward can help us recognize our toxic traits, make the right changes, and be the best people we can be.