There’s a fine line between being assertive and just plain difficult.

The distinction lies in self-awareness.

Being assertive means standing your ground, but doing so with respect for others and an understanding of when to compromise.

Being difficult, however, often comes from a place of self-centredness, where your own needs and wants take precedence over others, often without even realizing it.

Recognizing the signs that you’re becoming a difficult person to be around is the first step towards self-improvement.

Here are nine warning signs to watch out for.

1) You’re often the center of attention

Being the life of the party now and then is great—it’s fun, exciting, and can be really rewarding.

But if you constantly find yourself in the limelight, it might be time to step back and reflect.

If you’re always the center of attention, you could be monopolizing conversations and making it all about you, without even realizing it.

The problem here isn’t about being extroverted or outgoing. It’s about not giving others their due space and time to express themselves.

It’s essential to remember that conversation is a two-way street. Listening is just as important as talking, if not more so.

2) You find yourself often criticizing others

This really hit home for me.

I remember a time when I was constantly critiquing my friends, family, and even colleagues about everything—from how they dressed to the decisions they made.

I thought I was being helpful by offering constructive criticism.

But after a close friend sat me down and explained how my words were actually coming across, I saw things differently.

I realized that what I considered ‘constructive’ was being perceived as ‘constant criticism’. That was a tough pill to swallow.

The harsh truth is, no one likes to be around someone who is always critical. It’s disheartening and creates a negative environment.

This was a wake-up call for me, and it might be for you too if you find yourself frequently criticizing others.

3) Empathy is not your strong suit

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, to put yourself in their shoes.

It’s a vital human trait that fosters connection and understanding.

However, researchers suggest that empathy levels have been declining over the past 30 years in college students, with an especially steep drop in the past 10 years.

If you’re finding it hard to empathize with others, or you’re often told that you’re unsympathetic or unfeeling, this could be a sign that you’re becoming difficult to be around.

Remember, relationships are built on mutual understanding and respect, and empathy is a key part of that.

4) Your way is always the right way

Have you ever found yourself thinking that your way is the only right way?

It’s easy to fall into this trap, especially if you’re used to things going your way.

But insisting you’re always right can come across as arrogant or stubborn, making others feel unheard, unappreciated, or disrespected.

Keep in mind, everyone has their own unique perspective and insights.

What seems right to you might not be the best solution for everyone involved.

5) You struggle to keep commitments

We all miss a deadline or forget a meeting occasionally.

Life is unpredictable and sometimes things just happen.

But if you find that you’re frequently cancelling plans, showing up late, or forgetting commitments, it might be time to take note.

Consistently breaking promises or failing to follow through on commitments can lead others to see you as unreliable or untrustworthy.

This habit not only impacts the way others perceive you but can also strain relationships and create an environment of uncertainty and instability.

6) You’re always playing the victim

Everyone encounters challenges; it’s a natural part of life.

It’s okay to feel down at times—it’s part of being human.

However, if you constantly portray yourself as the victim, attributing blame to others or circumstances for your setbacks, it can be emotionally exhausting for those around you.

People are drawn to positivity. They admire those who, despite challenges, take ownership of their actions and their life.

Don’t forget that everyone faces struggles.

It’s okay to share your challenges, but it’s also important to acknowledge your role in them. 

7) You have trouble admitting when you’re wrong

A few years ago, I found myself in a heated argument with a colleague over the best approach for a project.

Both of us were adamant that our ideas were superior. After the meeting, I returned to my desk feeling frustrated and irritated.

As time passed, I began to reconsider. It dawned on me that my colleague’s idea actually had merit and was the better choice.

Admitting my mistake felt uncomfortable and vulnerable.

Despite my initial hesitation, I chose to apologize and acknowledge his perspective.

Surprisingly, this didn’t diminish my credibility; instead, it strengthened our working relationship.

Refusing to admit when you’re wrong can come across as prideful and lead to resentment among those around you.

It’s important to recognize that everyone makes mistakes. 

Admitting them shows humility, earns respect, and is crucial for personal growth.

If this is challenging for you, it might be a sign that you’re becoming difficult to be around.

8) You’re not a good listener

Listening is an art. It’s about more than just hearing the words someone is saying. It’s about understanding their thoughts, feelings, and intentions.

If you find yourself interrupting others, not paying full attention when someone is speaking, or preparing your response before they’ve finished talking, these are signs of poor listening skills.

Being a good listener shows respect, builds trust, and helps you to understand people better.

It’s an essential skill in maintaining healthy relationships.

If you struggle with this, it could be a sign that you’re becoming a difficult person to be around.

Remember, communication is a two-way street. Listening is just as important as speaking.

9) You rarely express gratitude

Gratitude is more than just saying ‘thank you’. It’s about acknowledging the effort and kindness of others.

If you rarely express gratitude or fail to recognize the contributions of those around you, it can leave them feeling unappreciated and undervalued.

Expressing gratitude doesn’t cost anything, but it can have a profound impact on your relationships.

It fosters positivity, builds trust, and promotes mutual respect.

If expressing gratitude isn’t something that comes naturally to you, it could be a sign that you’re becoming a difficult person to be around.

Remember, a simple ‘thank you’ can go a long way.

Turning the tide: Embracing positive change

It’s tough to realize you’re becoming difficult to be around, but acknowledging it is a huge first step. 

Remember, everyone has moments when they’re not their best self.

Try to practice self-awareness by noticing patterns in your behavior that might be causing friction.

Surround yourself with positive influences and seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.

They can offer valuable perspectives and advice.

Above all, focus on being kind to yourself and others, and understand that change is a gradual process.

You’re capable of growing and improving, and it’s never too late to start becoming a better version of yourself.