There are some people who simply don’t speak badly of anyone else—ever!

And one can help but wonder “How can I be more like them?”

Well, first, you gotta look at the traits that separate them from everyone else. 

By developing these traits, you’ll also become more and more like them.

Here are 10 qualities of people who never speak badly about others.

1) They have self-control

Every time we act, we always have the choice to be kind or to be mean. Always.

Most of us make excuses for the times we act badly by saying things like “I was mad, I just couldn’t help it!” or “they should have known better than to trigger me.”

What sets these super nice people apart from the rest of us is the fact that they recognize this.

They have the self-control to always choose to be kind—and, when that’s impossible, to not do anything.

Many of us have this idea that nice people are literal saints who never have a single mean bone in their body. But that’s not how people work.

They have “mean” thoughts every once in a while, just like the rest of us. They simply choose not to indulge those thoughts.

2) They don’t get involved with gossip

How one responds to gossip is a good litmus test for whether someone talks badly about others or not.

What makes gossip “fun” for those who find it fun, after all, is the feeling that they know nasty, dirty secrets and rumors about someone who isn’t there.

Those who never speak badly about others, on the other hand, are people who simply don’t find ANY joy in hearing about other people’s drama—much less spreading it!

If anything, they actively despise gossip and want nothing to do with it.

And the people who indulge in it?

Most of them see it as a sign that someone is untrustworthy and immature. So they stay away.

3) They know how to handle their emotions

There’s a reason why “I was just mad, I can’t help it” is such a common excuse. Many of us simply don’t know how to handle our emotions as well as we hope we could.

You might have a bad interaction with Greg from accounting, and, without thinking too much about it, grumble about him with your officemates.

Then later, when you’ve calmed down and Greg has apologized, you realize that you had misjudged him.

Unfortunately, it’s not like you can just rewind time and stop those words from coming out of your mouth. What you’ve said about Greg will stay with the people you talked to.

The people who never speak badly about others are aware that their emotions can make them do things, so they learn to master their emotions.

4) They don’t hold grudges

Or, at the very least, they put effort into not holding grudges.

If you ever said or done anything to hurt them, they’ll probably either leave you alone until they’ve gotten over it.

Or it really bothers them, they’d try to talk things through with you and… well, that’s the end of it.

You won’t see them vague-posting about you on social media, acting passive-aggressive towards you, or grumbling about how they want you to “apologize.”

They still get hurt, of course. And if they feel that people are abusing their kindness they’ll be quite happy to cut them out of their lives.

But they don’t feel a need to hold on to their grievances, or to keep a tally on the things people have done to hurt them.

And because of this mindset, they simply don’t have any real motivation to talk about how “bad” other people are.

5) They understand that everyone is flawed

They might not speak badly about others now, but it’s a guarantee that they were never always this way.

Once upon a time, they have definitely hurt others back, and have said and done things that they deeply regret.

They’re just human, after all, and flaws are part of what it means to be human.

They understand this, and that’s why they try their best to be understanding when people hurt them or do things they don’t want.

Who’s to say that “bad” people are doomed to be bad forever, after all? 

If they had changed, then surely other people can… if given the opportunity to.

6) They have a healthy ego

A lot of us easily lose our tempers when someone bruises our ego and makes us feel “small”.

Times like when someone corrects us in front of others.

And it makes us want to soothe our egos by hurting them back.

But people who never speak ill of others don’t have that urge at all, and that’s because they have a healthy ego.

They’re confident in who and what they are.

They don’t feel the need to make sure other people look up to them. 

They don’t feel a need to show off or prove their worth, and can easily shrug off things that would throw lesser people into a rage.

7) They’re focused on growth

I mentioned before that people who never speak badly about others now used to be different in the past.

Everyone has a point in their lives where they’re all edgy, angry, offensive, and incredibly annoying. (Mine lasted until I’m in my early 30s!)

The reason why they were able to grow past that phase when so many appear to be stuck in it well into their 60s is the fact they’re focused on growth.

Because really, when you think about it—when you speak badly about others, will it make you grow as a person? 

How does it add to your happiness?

The answer is, in most cases, in the realm of “no, it doesn’t help.”

And they don’t like that. 

They want to choose the option that will make them grow as a person—by focusing less on people and more on goals.

8) They’re allergic to drama

Perhaps one of the biggest reasons why they simply don’t like speaking badly about others is because it always leads to drama.

It’s not a matter of “if”, but “when.”

Drama, to them, is just stress and trouble that they are better off not having in their lives.

So that’s why when some controversy happens, they’d rather shut their mouth than voice their opinion even when asked.

It’s not that they “don’t have an opinion” or that they’re “not assertive enough.” 

They simply don’t want the stress!

9) They believe in karma

And not necessarily in a mystical or spiritual way either.

Rather, they believe that what comes around goes around.

The world might not be fair, and a lot of bad people get away with the things they’ve done. But sooner or later, we all get our comeuppance.

They don’t feel a need to be mean to the people who hurt them because they believe that sooner or later, those people will reap what they sowed.

Someone who has hurt them by lying over and over again?

They’ll lose their business partners. 

They might eventually end up friendless. 

That’s not to say that they’re going to let themselves be victims, however. 

They’re not afraid of, say, taking people to court for things as severe as abuse and fraud.

10) They have principles 

They believe that everyone deserves respect. Period.

They believe that no one deserves being talked about behind their back, and that people can always change.

And they stand firmly by these beliefs even if someone hurts or disrespects them. 

They don’t go “everyone deserves respect, but Jimmy here has been nitpicking every single thing I do so he’s an exception.”

Like sure, Jimmy might be an asshole, but nope, they’re not going to abandon their principles over that!

Final thoughts:

If you know someone who never speaks badly about others, keep them close and treasure your friendship with them. 

Look to them as an inspiration for what kind of person you should strive to be.

Very few people have the self-awareness and control that they have, and even then not everyone who does chooses to be a good person.

And crucially, being a good person is not something you’re “born” into. It’s not a fundamental, unchangeable part of human nature.

With enough effort, you can be like them too.