6 unconventional signs you’re ready to become a parent, according to psychology
Parenthood is no easy task. In fact, it’s probably the hardest job you’ll ever have to do.
And yet it’s the path many people choose for themselves, not to mention many still will tell you that they have no regrets no matter how difficult raising a child can be.
But what about your path? Are you ready to become a parent?
Here are the 6 signs to tick off your list if you want to be sure.
1) You don’t only want a child – you want to be a parent
The first and most important question to ask yourself is: why do you want to have a child?
Is it because babies are cute? Because you feel like it’s the appropriate course of action given your stage of life? Because your family relatives are pressuring you?
Or do you want a child because you think you’d genuinely enjoy parenting? Because you want to build a healthy and happy family? Because you have so much love to give that you know without a doubt you will love your kids unconditionally and with undying fervour?
Having a child isn’t only about cuddling a laughing toddler or taking your kid out for ice cream when they get an A on an exam. It’s primarily about being a parent – all day, every day.
According to Psychology Today, “To parent effectively, it’s not enough to simply avoid the obvious dangers like abuse, neglect, or overindulgence. Indeed, The National Academy of Sciences delineates four major responsibilities for parents: maintaining children’s health and safety, promoting their emotional well-being, instilling social skills, and preparing children intellectually.”
Furthermore, “Numerous studies suggest that the best-adjusted children are reared by parents who find a way to combine warmth and sensitivity with clear behavioral expectations.”
If you think you can – and genuinely want to – carry that responsibility, it’s the first sign you’re ready to become a parent.
2) You’re a fan of quality time
Care to guess what one of the biggest requirements and responsibilities of parenthood is?
The answer: spending time with your child.
Yep, it’s as simple as that.
The truth is that most children – especially when they’re very young – don’t care about how luxurious their toys are or how many holidays they get to go on.
They care about going to the park with a dad who doesn’t spend the whole afternoon on his phone.
They care about a mum who plays with them and looks after them not because she has to but because she enjoys the activity herself.
In other words, they primarily want to enjoy some good quality time with their parents.
Therefore, someone who isn’t a massive fan of quality time may struggle to show up for their kids in the ways that matter most – paying them proper attention.
If you’re ready to become a parent, though, you don’t have to worry about that. You’re already an expert at spending some great quality time with your partner and friends, so there’s a high chance you’ll be able to establish the same kind of dynamic with your children.
3) You can communicate your needs and boundaries
Far too many children grow up to be adults who have almost no skillset when it comes to emotional intelligence, communication, and conflict resolution.
In most cases, this is due to the fact that their own parents don’t know how to communicate and establish healthy boundaries themselves, and so they pass on unhealthy patterns to their kids who then pass them further down the ancestral line.
Well, I say we put a stop to that.
If you want to be a great parent, it’s important that you know how to approach conflict with a cool head, that you respect other people’s wishes and that you know how to communicate what you need without resorting to passive aggression.
As psychologist Alicia del Prado Ph.D. writes, “Healthy communication is a skill you can learn and that needs to be practiced. We can’t rescue our children from every possible danger at school nor solve all the problems they face when we are not with them. However, we can let them know we are here for them through genuine empathy and role-modeling collaborative engagement.”
4) You’re committed to loving someone unconditionally
Your child may not grow up to be the ideal kid you’ve dreamed up. And that is something you must make your peace with right here, right now.
They might not go study medicine. They may not enjoy school, be as artistically endowed as you, or have the same hobbies. Their personality might be completely different to yours. You will not always get along or see eye to eye on certain matters.
And that’s okay – as long as you make it so.
Remember that the moment you step into a parent’s shoes is the moment you take on the responsibility for the relationship you build with your child.
If your child’s aspirations don’t meet your expectations, it’s on you to let go of unrealistic assumptions about who they ought to be. It’s their life, after all.
If they get upset because they feel unheard and misunderstood, it’s your responsibility to try to understand where they’re coming from.
And if they break your rules, you’re in charge of reinforcing those rules in a way that placates the child instead of pushing them further away from you.
It’s a tough job.
But if you genuinely want to be a parent, it’s time to commit. It’s time to love another human being unconditionally.
5) You’re in a stable place in some (not all) areas of life
It’s a common misconception that in order to have a child, you’ve got to be so secure that you have a whole house, a high-quality car, a stable job, and are part of a married couple.
But as mentioned above, a small child doesn’t necessarily care about those things. Sure, they might do once they cross the threshold of teenagehood, but at that point, you might be somewhere completely else in your career.
I mean, thirteen years is a long time. From the moment your child is born to the moment they become a teen, you are still evolving as a person. You are still pursuing your goals and dreams.
You don’t need to have it all figured out the day your first child is born. Plenty of people don’t own houses when they have kids. It’s a great bonus, of course, but it’s not a necessity.
So, what *is* a necessity then?
Well, you should be in a stable place in some – not all – areas. For example, your emotional well-being and mental health are much more important than financial freedom when it comes to raising kids.
The same goes for the quality of your romantic relationship and your social network.
No parent is ever perfect. What’s more, most parents don’t even feel ready to have children. But if your life isn’t complete mayhem and if you’re working hard to be an emotionally mature parent…
There’s a high chance you’ll be just fine.
6) You view parenthood as another exciting phase of life
How many times have you heard that having a kid means that your life is coming to an end?
Personally, far too many.
And I don’t know about you, but I vehemently disagree with that statement. Yes, your life as you *know it* may be ending. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Every ending is also a beginning.
Parenthood is simply another phase of your life, one that can be just as exciting as all the previous ones – if you make it so.
So, on a final note…
If you’re truly looking forward to parenthood, it’s the last sign you’re ready.
Because a genuine desire to become a good parent is half the battle.
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