As carefully or as genuinely we navigate our way through life, there will always be people who will not like us.

However, there are behaviors that we can work on to not add to that flame.

These could be unconscious behaviors that remained unchecked throughout the years and behaviors that a lot of people find irritating or offensive.

To that I say, it’s okay to stay true to who you are (more power to you) but that’s never an excuse to be insufferable.

So here it is, 10 unconscious behaviors that make people resent you, according to psychology.

1) Humblebragging

A study has found that humblebragging won’t get you any favors. And that’s putting it lightly.

Saying, “Despite the belief that combining bragging with complaining or humility confers the benefits of each strategy, we find that humblebragging confers the benefits of neither, instead backfiring because it is seen as insincere.”

False modesty is annoying. 

2) Name-dropping

We all do this, whether consciously or subconsciously, we all do this. Some just do it too much.

Name-dropping, despite good intentions of wanting to connect with people, can still make others look at you differently. 

Especially if it’s exaggerated or untrue.

Name-dropping might make us feel important and special but it could just sound like bragging to others.

Like saying you’re close to the boss around colleagues who are having a hard time at work.

Or saying you have connections here and there but showing no proof. 

Or saying you know this so-and-so famous person without being asked.

At some point, you need to read the room.

3) Interrupting

Cutting people off mid-sentence is a habit that’s not for your best intentions.

Marty Nemko Ph.D. explained it well, “Except in certain subcultures and work cultures—for example, Supreme Court justices interrupting the litigants—interrupting yields more liability than benefit.”

“Fortunately, there’s no need to be perfect; an occasional interruption, especially a brief interjection without expecting your conversation partner to stop, like: “aha” or “good point,” or to stop a chatterbox is fine.” 

“And, as mentioned, in some conversations, moderate interruption seems fine. But one of the more realistic ways to up your professional and personal game is to reduce how often you interrupt.”

Interrupting is disrespectful and downright annoying. Petty, too.

Especially if it’s only disruptive and does not offer any constructive value at all. 

4) Gossiping 

What’s the tea, sis? Do you know it? If you do, how often do you spill it?

Do you remain objective and neutral when you do? If not, you’re entering unhealthy gossip territory, and this could be a cause of resentment.

One can never know the secrets you hold and they can never know whom you tell it to.

They can’t even know if what you tell them is only theirs to hear. 

Where can you find trust if the foundations are built on hearsay? 

5) One-upping

Oh, you know these people. The one-uppers. The wealthier yet most in need at the same time.

The one who is always more miserable than you but can’t possibly be any less happy than you. 

They’re the same people who “went on more vacations than you last year” or “had better coffee yesterday” or “did a better work presentation this morning”.

Whatever it is, they’re better than you (even when it’s so obvious that they’re not or even when it doesn’t really matter.)

If you’re recognizing yourself in these examples, perhaps a reflection is in order. Constantly trying to one-up others breeds resentment. 

6) Lack of common courtesy

“Common courtesy is a way to show respect and acknowledge the inherent worth of every individual. By practicing basic manners, such as saying “please” and “thank you,” holding doors for others, or offering a kind greeting, we affirm the dignity and value of those around us. It promotes a sense of inclusivity, kindness, and empathy in our interactions.” – The British School of Excellence 

Saying please and thank you should be basic manners but that’s not always evident in some people.

Lack of common courtesy is one of the biggest pet peeves there is.

It shows casual disregard for another person and this casual disregard invites resentment. 

7) Suppressing your emotions

For relationships that are closer in nature, not being vulnerable can invite resentment.

Vulnerability, after all, is important in building trust in relationships. It is not weak to show emotions, it is not weak to show your humanity. 

Running away from it is not the strength you think it is. And people who are closer to you know this. 

By running away, by suppressing your feelings and emotions, you’re not letting yourself be loved. You’re not allowing trust to do its thing.

Vulnerability is not a bad word, lean into it. 

8) Constantly being late

Sure, you might not mean to be late all the time, but if it does happen, it will still receive criticism from others. 

Constantly being late is disrespectful to those who are waiting. 

Look at it from their perspective, would you want to always wait for someone?

If there is an agreed-upon time, would you like it if you’re there always waiting for someone late?

And don’t tell me, “Of course, they do it for me so I’m sure I can do it, too!”

But have you? How many times? How did you feel? 

9) Constantly checking your phone when you’re with them

But it’s not just your phone, isn’t it? It’s anything that could distract you from the moment.

It’s anything that could pull you out of the present and a phone just happens to be the most obvious distraction.

A lot of us do it, so glued to our phones that we don’t get to participate in the life happening around us.

This might not matter to the people not close to you, but it could build resentment to your nearest and dearest.

Be present. 

10) Insisting to be right all the time

Wanting to be right every single time is a cause of concern, not only for the people around you but also for yourself.

Because, for one, it’s impossible to always be right.

And two, it makes people apprehensive to deal with you if you’re so adamant about being right. 

You’re not allowing discourse, you’re not allowing yourself room to grow.

Professor Iskra Fileva, Ph.D. summarizes the topic at hand succinctly in her article, “There is profound vulnerability behind the façade of invincibility of the person who always needs to be right. The road is one that ultimately leads to isolation, to a place where no one sees us as we see ourselves. To a theater where we get a standing ovation all right, but we are the only ones applauding. In extreme cases – such as that of narcissism – the result is nothing short of a delusion.”

Final thoughts:

Like I said at the beginning of this article, what others think of you is their concern. However, this isn’t a valid excuse for being difficult.

The items on this list are actionable, they can be limited or changed, and it only takes willingness and mindfulness to do so.

And sure, not all of us want to be liked and not all of us would care if we are resented, but chances are, you do.

You wouldn’t reach the end of this article if you didn’t, didn’t you?