When I was a teenager, one of the ironclad rules we had at home was that I needed to bring any friends I made to our house. 

You see, my parents were very strict about the company I kept. Even now that I’m fully grown, my mom still reminds me of this. 

There’s a lot of wisdom in that, I see that now. Because the company we keep does make a huge impact on our lives – on the way we think, the habits we adopt, and the person we become. 

And it’s really clear that there are certain types of people who can bring you down. They can even hold you back from being the best version of yourself. Even the psychologists agree on that. 

So today, let’s talk about that. Here are 7 types of people you really should steer clear of, according to psychology: 

1) The constant critic

Would you like a barrage of complaints and criticism every time you hang out with a person? 

I’m guessing you don’t. 

Imagine you get a new haircut and you’re quite pleased about it, but then they say something like, “Oh, your old style was better…” 

Or they might be crafty enough to couch a criticism with a backhanded compliment, like, “That’s a brave choice of outfit; I could never pull off something so…bold.”

I’ve been around enough folks like that, and it never felt good. Sometimes I’d wonder why I was even hanging out with them. 

I’m all for constructive criticism, but if it’s constant, I’d be wary. According to Psych Central, “Too much negative feedback can affect a person’s mental health, often playing a role in the developing and recurrence of conditions such as depression and schizophrenia.”

2) The secret judge

Ever feel like you’re being silently evaluated? But you can’t address it outright because, well, it’s silent and just like in a court of law, if you don’t have evidence, your case won’t stand up. 

I learned this the hard way. I used to be friends with someone who never said anything negative to my face, but for some reason, I just felt like she was holding back some unpleasant opinions about me. 

When I told her how I felt, she was quite indignant. She had never said anything, so she was “confused” as to why I felt judged.

There was no concrete proof, all right, just a gut feeling. But it’s still worth listening to.

What I’m trying to say is, your instinct is there for a reason – to protect you. This type of person might not openly criticize you or your choices, but somehow you feel that something’s not quite right. 

Well, that gut feeling isn’t just a random emotion – it’s your brain subconsciously processing information that comes from tiny, subtle cues like microexpressions, body language, a slight pause, a smile that feels fake…

So listen to that instinct. If someone stirs up feelings of anxiety and self-doubt in you, you don’t really need them in your life. At the very least, proceed with caution. 

3) The gossip

I remember back in high school, I brought a classmate of mine home. We made ourselves comfortable on the couch, just talking about stuff. Meanwhile, my mom was in the kitchen and could hear every single thing we were saying. 

When my classmate went home, my mom told me she’d rather I stopped hanging out with that friend. For one simple reason – all she did was talk about other people. And what’s worse, I just completely went along with it! 

Aside from the fact that gossip is hurtful to others, there’s also its effect on us – the gossipers. Counselor Hannah Rose explains how in a post on Psychology Today:

“When we gossip, we are fertilizing our minds with toxicity and judgment. We are much more likely to scrutinize ourselves when we are busy scrutinizing others. We are significantly more susceptible to self-centered fear and the obsession that others are going to gossip about us.”

In short, not only are you harming others, you’re harming yourself, too! So stay clear of people who love to gossip and aim to make your conversations more substantial. 

As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”

4) The drama queen/king

If you’ve ever been around a drama queen or king, then you know how draining they are. 

They often stir up trouble with sensational stories (which likely makes them gossips, too, by the way) or by blowing minor issues out of proportion. 

A soup that isn’t piping hot? Que horror – it must be replaced! Immediately!

An innocuous comment about their outfit? What a personal attack! They will never talk to you ever again!

Why do they do this? The simple answer, according to psychology, is:
They want attention. 

Unfortunately, dealing with someone like that will leave you feeling exhausted. Even worse if they manage to pull you into the vortex and make you an actual participant. 

And they just never run out of batteries despite the negative energy. In fact, the negative energy actually powers them up more. 

The kicker is that when everything settles down, they might even play the victim, as if they hadn’t created all the hoopla. Which brings me to the next point…

5) The perpetual victim

I once got into an argument with a co-worker who griped endlessly about virtually everything at work. There’s just too much work, he felt like he was grossly underpaid, Sara from HR is just too biased, blah blah blah…

I could not take it anymore, and I said, “Well, why are you still here then? You can leave!” 

Not that I’m a bootlicker, but I just believe that life is what we make it. If you’re not happy about a situation in your life, you have the power to do something about it instead of painting yourself as a victim. 

I can sympathize with someone going through a tough time, of course. But not someone who can’t take responsibility for their entire life. It’s not natural – it’s a behavior that they can easily change if they wanted to.

As Allaya Cooks-Campbell writes for BetterUp, “No one is born a victim. A victim complex isn’t a personality trait — it’s learned behavior.”

So, if you want peace and quiet, if you want to conserve your energy and emotional bandwidth, set boundaries with the person in your life with a victim mindset. 

Step back and choose not to engage with the chaos. You’ve got more important things to think about. 

6) The pessimist

Ah, the close cousin of the Constant Critic. The pessimist very much operates the same way – from a negative mindset. 

While they may not always be critical, they do have an eye for the “worst” in everything. 

If you’re planning a party, they’ll list all the things that could go wrong. 

You’re going on an adventure? No, thanks – it’s not exciting; it’s frightening! 

The pessimist is so hard to deal with because for one, you just can’t convince someone of good outcomes unless they are willing to see it that way. 

It requires a change in perspective that they can’t easily access because they’ve been so negative for so long.

Negativity may even be hardwired in their brain, as one study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found.

And two – energy is contagious. If you’re not careful, you could even slowly become a pessimist yourself.

So protect yourself; if you can’t completely walk away, you could just limit the time you spend with them and set firm boundaries. 

7) The manipulator 

Finally, we get to the most sinister type of all – the manipulator. 

Manipulation comes in so many forms – from subtle emotional nudges and passive aggressive behavior to blatant deceit. 

Manipulators are particularly dangerous because they are smart. They know how to disguise their agenda with a healthy dose of concern or charm. 

And if you figured it out too late, you’d be left with a lot of heartbreak and confusion. For some, it can be so bad that they don’t even know who they are anymore by the time they realize they’re being manipulated. 

But once you do catch on, I hope you’ll see the potential damage they can do. You don’t need people like that in your life. 

What you need are people who have your best interests at heart, who will uplift and support you, and who will help you become a better person.