If you’ve ever been in a relationship that felt more draining than fulfilling, you might have been dealing with a toxic partner.

These relationships often involve troubling behaviors disguised as love, leaving you feeling bewildered and emotionally drained.

A toxic partner doesn’t necessarily have a mental health diagnosis like borderline personality disorder. Their actions are often choices, not symptoms.

But understanding the psychological aspects behind these behaviors can be incredibly helpful.

This knowledge can help you identify and navigate the tricky situations that may arise with a toxic partner.

So let’s delve into the 7 troubling behaviors a toxic partner might frame as love, according to psychology.

1) Possessiveness disguised as protectiveness

It’s not uncommon for a toxic partner to claim their possessiveness is just them being protective.

They might say things like, “I just care about you so much, I can’t stand the thought of losing you,” or “I’m only jealous because I love you.”

While it might sound flattering at first, what they’re really doing is masking their insecurity and trying to control your actions.

It’s one thing to look out for your partner, but when they start to dictate who you can see or where you can go, that’s a red flag.

It’s controlling behavior, plain and simple. 

Healthy love is based on trust, not control.

If your partner can’t trust you to have your own friends or make your own decisions, they’re not being protective—they’re being possessive.

True protectiveness is about making sure you’re safe and happy, not about boxing you in.

Be cautious when “care” starts to feel like you’re losing your freedom.

2) Constant monitoring as “being attentive”

In the same way, you might think it’s sweet when your partner checks in on you regularly, asking where you are or what you’re up to.

But when those check-ins turn into constant monitoring, it can cross the line into control.

A toxic partner will often frame this behavior as being attentive, saying things like, “I just worry about you,” or “I want to make sure you’re safe.”

But what’s really happening is that they’re trying to track your every move, keeping tabs on you in a way that limits your freedom.

In a healthy relationship, partners trust each other and don’t feel the need to constantly know each other’s whereabouts.

Checking in occasionally is normal, but demanding constant updates or questioning your every move can be draining and suffocating.

Pay attention to how much space your partner gives you to live your own life.

3) Love bombing as “romantic devotion”

At the beginning of a relationship, it might feel amazing to be showered with affection, gifts, and attention.

This is what’s known as love-bombing, and a toxic partner will often frame it as being “so in love” with you.

You might hear them say sweet lines like, “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” or “You’re the only person I could ever see myself with.”

It’s overwhelming, and it might even feel like a fairytale—until the affection abruptly stops or gets used as a tool to manipulate you.

The problem with love-bombing is that it creates an unhealthy dynamic where you start to depend on these grand gestures.

When they pull back or use their affection as a reward or punishment, it leaves you feeling confused and desperate to get back that initial rush of attention.

Genuine love builds over time and doesn’t come with strings attached. Watch out for anyone who uses love as a way to control.

4) Isolation framed as “exclusive love”

Toxic partners often isolate you from friends and family, but they frame it as a sign of how much they love and want to be with you.

I had a partner who did this, and he would justify it by saying he didn’t like it when other people got in our way.

And because I was so young at the time, I bought into it.

I came to believe that I didn’t need anyone else because I had him.

It might sound romantic, but what’s really happening with a partner like this is that they’re cutting off your support system and making you more dependent on them.

You should be able to maintain your own friendships and family connections while still being close to your partner.

If they’re trying to limit your time with others or guilt-tripping you for spending time with loved ones, that’s a sign of control, not love.

Being “exclusive” shouldn’t mean cutting off everyone else in your life.

5) Criticism hidden as “constructive feedback”

A toxic partner may constantly criticize you under the guise of “helping” or “improving” you. 

Now, constructive feedback is one thing, but continuous harsh criticism isn’t a sign of love—it’s a form of control.

And it absolutely isn’t healthy.

In fact, according to The Gottman Institute:

“Criticism can have devastating effects because it makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt. It often causes the couple to fall into an escalating pattern where criticism reappears with greater frequency and intensity. It can make you feel inadequate, impacting your self-esteem and your overall happiness.”

Always remember that it’s okay to stand up for yourself and seek help if you’re in a situation that makes you feel constantly belittled or unappreciated.

You’re worthy of respect and kindness.

6) Emotional manipulation as “deep connection”

There are so many ways a toxic partner can manipulate you into doing what they want…and frame your relationship as “deep” or “passionate”.

For instance, they might use tricks like:

• Guilt trips
• Playing the victim
• Giving you the silent treatment

They might also be fake-empathetic and say, “I just feel so much for you that it hurts.”

These tactics are designed to make you feel like your connection is so strong that you can’t ever leave them.

Real talk — love isn’t about guilt or manipulation; it’s about support and true empathy.

If your partner is constantly making you feel guilty or responsible for their emotions, that’s emotional manipulation, not a deep connection.

7) Controlling finances as “being responsible”

When a partner takes control of finances, they might say it’s because they’re being “responsible” or that they’re “better” at managing money.

Comments like, “I just want to make sure we’re secure,” or “I don’t want you to worry about bills,” can seem caring at first.

But when this control extends to dictating your spending, limiting your access to money, or making all financial decisions without your input, it’s a sign of manipulation.

Being financially controlling isn’t about responsibility—it’s about power, and it’s important to recognize when that power is being abused.

Final thoughts

If you hear these statements from your partner, I’m sorry to say, but they might be a toxic one. 

Love is not about control, dependency, or constant criticism.

It’s about mutual respect, understanding, and emotional support.

If you recognize these troubling behaviors in your relationship, it might be time to seek help or advice. 

Always know your worth and never settle for less than you deserve.

You are deserving of a healthy, respectful relationship that brings joy and growth into your life.