I have a friend – let’s call her Laura – who’s extremely successful at her job.

She keeps getting one promotion after another, she is so productive I can’t for the life of me figure out how she manages to get everything done, and thanks to all her self-care practices, she looks amazing while she’s at it.

And yet she is also one of the most insecure friends I have.

Why?

Well, on the surface, the answer is pretty simple: no matter what she does, she never feels good enough.

Of course, things are always much more complicated when you dig a bit deeper, which is what this article is all about.

Here are the 6 traits of people who never feel good enough despite their success.

1) They suffer from impostor syndrome

Shocker, right?

I mean, not feeling good enough is essentially the definition of an impostor syndrome. It’s important to unpack its meaning, though, as it sheds a lot of light on what people like Laura are going through.

According to Psychology Today, “People who struggle with imposter syndrome believe that they are undeserving of their achievements and the high esteem in which they are, in fact, generally held.”

“They feel that they aren’t as competent or intelligent as others might think—and that soon enough, people will discover the truth about them.”

They essentially feel like they’re playing pretend. This is apparently because they attribute a lot of their achievements to external factors rather than their own hard work, which might be influenced by their perfectionism.

If they don’t perform at their absolute best, any kind of achievement feels like it was won through luck, networking, or just random chance.

And that brings us to trait number two.

2) They set unrealistic expectations for themselves

If you expect yourself to score 100 points on every task, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Unfortunately, this is precisely what many people suffering from impostor syndrome do.

They might perform extremely well, sure, but unless they meet all their impossibly high expectations, they will still end up feeling like they’re not good enough.

A lot of these issues stem from childhood experiences. I, for one, used to be obsessed with academic success for years because my parents always held me to very high standards.

If I got a C, I cried.

Unfortunately, these expectations often don’t go away once you cross the threshold of adulthood.

While your parents may not be the ones telling you off anymore, your subconscious mind takes on that task to replicate the same kind of mindset. You may be independent externally, but deep down, you’re still shackled by the unrealistic standards that were set up for you from an early age.

In other words, you become your worst critic and your sternest parent.

Luckily, there’s a way to challenge negative self-talk and become more self-compassionate. Trust me, I know because I’ve done it.

For example, psychologist Marwa Azab Ph.D. recommends that you “challenge thoughts such as, ‘I am not good at anything.’ Instead, ask yourself to come up with three things you are good at.”

3) They underestimate their talent, skill and experience

When you do nothing but criticize yourself all day, you’re obviously going to underestimate just how talented and experienced you are.

This ranges from the big things – such as feeling like you don’t deserve a promotion or an award – to the little stuff, like the fact that you find yourself unable to accept compliments from others without waving your hand and minimizing your success.

This is why reversing your mindset is so crucial.

As per Azab’s recommendation above, write down everything you’re good at, every kind of success you’ve achieved (from external accomplishments to self-development wins or mindset shifts), and everything you truly likea about yourself.

When it comes to the stuff you dislike, try to challenge those beliefs about yourself. Are they really supported by concrete evidence? Or are they just false narratives you’ve created over the years?

4) They constantly compare themselves to others

People say that comparison is the thief of joy. And they’re right.

More to the point, comparison is basically useless because success is completely subjective and tied to individual circumstances.

For person A, becoming the CEO of an international company is a success. For person B, making their way out of poverty and breaking intergenerational trauma is a success.

Both of those are valid. They’re just so radically different that they can’t be compared at all.

Moreover, the harsh truth is that there will always be someone who’s better than you at what you do.

If you’re a singer, there are probably better singers in the history of humankind; if you’re a writer, get in line; if you work at marketing, you might be amazing, but that Gen Z guy could probably skyrocket your company’s TikTok to new heights.

This sounds a bit depressing, but when you think about it, it’s actually liberating. And that’s because, at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter whether you’re better or worse than others.

What matters is that you work toward your goals, put yourself out there, polish your craft, and culture a mindset of abundance.

Maybe there’s something you can learn from the Gen Z guy. Maybe your favorite author can inspire your own writing. Maybe you aren’t the best singer, but songwriting is where your true strength lies.

Everyone’s on their own journey. It is useless – and detrimental to your mental health – to compare yourself to others.

5) They pursue their goals out of fear rather than curiosity

“If I get the promotion, it’ll be further confirmation that I’m not getting fired and that I can keep my job. As a result, I’ll be able to pay my mortgage and won’t end up homeless. I also won’t disappoint my parents.”

Look, I understand where these kinds of thoughts are coming from. Uncertainty is scary. It’s why many people choose stability over freedom.

But the problem is that while fear is a really good motivator, it also wrecks your nervous system, worsens your mental health, and forces you to become a bit of a control freak.

Guess what the better option is?

Yep. Curiosity.

As psychologist Noam Shpancer Ph.D. says, “Lean into your Curiosity—we can learn from children, who have all the reasons to be scared and are yet much more curious than they are afraid.”

He recommends: “When you tell yourself ‘I’m scared,’ tell yourself ‘I’m curious’ instead.”

Every time I catch myself succumbing to fear – “What if I lose X or disappoint Y or turn into Z?” – I force myself to accept those fears, confront them, and then flip the narrative by asking myself, “What if I get everything I’ve ever dreamed of? What if I go ahead and end up even happier than before?”

6) They are their worst enemies (rather than best friends)

So, what does all of this boil down to?

A lack of self-compassion and confidence. People who never feel good enough despite their success underestimate themselves, hold themselves to impossibly high expectations and engage in negative self-talk way too often.

To sum it up, they are their worst enemies.

But what would happen if you treated yourself the way you treat your best friends?

How much better would your life be if you nurtured self-compassion, if you were kind to yourself, and if you became a loving parent to the scared child inside you?

Here are just a few tips from therapist Shana B. Diskant LMFT on how to do precisely that:

• Try to become aware of when you engage in negative thinking
• If you struggle to recognize whether your self-talk is helpful or not, try to imagine how your best friend would react
• Learn to forgive yourself for making mistakes – you are imperfect, and that’s okay
• Call or meet up with your best friends to remind yourself of what positive encouragement sounds like and how you can talk to yourself in the future

Look, you get to choose how your life’s going to turn out. You get to pick whether you’ll be your enemy or your best friend.

And if you decide to go for the latter…

You may eventually realize that you are good enough. You always have been.